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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not consider 21 a milestone birthday?

166 replies

DragonsAndDaffs · 05/06/2026 12:35

Do you consider 21 a milestone birthday?
DD is 21 soon, and many of her friends have already turned 21; none of them has had a party, and they have all just marked the birthday like any other... they all consider 18 the milestone coming-of-age birthday, and I would agree.

I'm old enough to remember my aunt turning 21 in 1969, before the voting age was lowered in 1970.

YANBU 21 is not a milestone
YABU 21 is still a milestone

OP posts:
TB23 · 05/06/2026 14:44

I know in the UK it used to be, but I think 18 is far more significant now. Nothing changes at 21, you have already been an adult for 3 years by then. Our kids and their friends had more significant 18th celebrations, not 21st.

Denim4ever · 05/06/2026 14:40

DS is 21 next birthday. It's not as big a milestone as 18 but still significant. Big parties at venues are mostly a thing of the past for 18 and 21. To be honest, I'm over 60 and 18 was the big one even in the 80s. I went to only one swanky 21st birthday and it said more about what her family was like then anything else.

Now 65, that has no significance at all now as it isn't a retirement age or an 0 birthday

Thistimearound · 05/06/2026 14:39

I think 30,40,50,60 etc feel like a bigger deal.

At 21 most people I know were at university, so had a house party or that sort of thing. No one has much money at 21 so they can’t self fund what they want to do. Maybe parents pay for a bigger event but it’s still very much a sort of “end” birthday of your old life - celebrating with parents and other relatives that you likely won’t be living with for much longer, school friends, university friends, all of whom you will be saying goodbye to soon. Maybe you’ll be in touch with them in 20 years time, maybe you won’t.

Original poster
DragonsAndDaffs · 05/06/2026 14:34

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 05/06/2026 14:30

It is very much recognised as a milestone by my dd and her friends who are all around that age now.

Show quote history

That's fine......I was responding to the poster who said that 21 was universally recognised as a milestone.
It's clear from this thread that opinion is split, I wonder if it's regional?
I'm in South West Wales.

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 05/06/2026 14:30

DragonsAndDaffs · 05/06/2026 14:23

But it's not universally recognised by my 20 year old dds friendship group and other posters have said the same of their children.

Edited
Show quote history

It is very much recognised as a milestone by my dd and her friends who are all around that age now.

Boolabus · 05/06/2026 14:29

Celebrating your 21st was a big deal when I was that age but it was more a legacy thing from my parents generation when you were legally able to drink and vote at 21, before it got lowered to 18 in the early 70s (Ireland).
My eldest is 19 and I don't think they see it as a big deal any more.

DogAndCatAddict · 05/06/2026 14:27

I think 18 and 21 are milestone/big birthdays. Mumsnet are weird about adults celebrating and acknowledging birthdays in general though. Once you hit 18, you must learn life is shit and not about you. 🙄

My son had a party for his 21st and then and a holiday with his friends. My daughter will have the same or whatever she wants instead.

Tableforjoan · 05/06/2026 14:25

Cakeandcardio · 05/06/2026 14:21

It's arguably the most significant milestone birthday!

How though?

In the U.K. what can you do at 21 that you couldn’t at 18.

justasking111 · 05/06/2026 14:24

We say 18 is fun with friends. 21 is grown up with a serious gift and family celebration.

Original poster
DragonsAndDaffs · 05/06/2026 14:23

Jk987 · 05/06/2026 13:42

You don’t have to treat it as milestone but you must know that it’s universally recognised as one!

But it's not universally recognised by my 20 year old dds friendship group and other posters have said the same of their children.

OP posts:
AlcoholicAntibiotic · 05/06/2026 14:23

I don’t know anyone who celebrated it as a milestone. My parents saw it as a bit of one, but that’s because they’re old enough for that to have been the age of majority. We all celebrated 18th instead.

NotMeAtAll · 05/06/2026 14:22

I was 21 in the '80s. I don't remember anyone celebrating their 18th then.

I'm Irish, if that's relevant.

Cakeandcardio · 05/06/2026 14:21

It's arguably the most significant milestone birthday!

MeganM3 · 05/06/2026 14:21

In my family 18 is a real milestone but 21 is certainly celebration worthy. Maybe we just like to celebrate (and have family in the US who think 16 & 21 are milestones).
Personally I think there are too few things to celebrate these days and I’m happy to raise a glass and hit the Dancefloor for just about anything.

MrCollinsandhisboiledpotatoes · 05/06/2026 14:20

LlynTegid · 05/06/2026 14:13

Maybe comes second after 18. The others such as 40, 50 or 60 are just excuses made up to get you to spend money and overcelebrate.

Bah humbug

NavyCrab · 05/06/2026 14:18

In the USA 21 is a milestone because it is the legal age to buy and drink alcohol.

sittingonabeach · 05/06/2026 14:16

But it doesn’t mean anything to youngsters anymore. Saying key of the door to DS just gave rise to a blank look, no idea what we were talking about!

MrCollinsandhisboiledpotatoes · 05/06/2026 14:14

I see it as a milestone.
Your milestones are 16, 18, 21 and then all the decades, 30th, 40th etc.

LlynTegid · 05/06/2026 14:13

Maybe comes second after 18. The others such as 40, 50 or 60 are just excuses made up to get you to spend money and overcelebrate.

Mumstheword1983 · 05/06/2026 14:11

21 is probably the biggest milestone birthday among my own family and friends. I'm 44 but I would say 21 and 40 have been the most special birthdays for most.

TheKittenswithMittens · 05/06/2026 14:11

With state pension age going up, 65 isn't a milestone birthday any more.

Drivingmissrangey · 05/06/2026 14:10

Monty36 · 05/06/2026 13:23

It should be 18 or 21 here. But not both ! One or the other.

Isn’t that what most people chose, to celebrate either 18 or 21? My parents offered me one big party and I chose to wait for my 21st. I went to loads of 21sts so I definitely wasn’t the only one!

sittingonabeach · 05/06/2026 14:05

DS couldn’t understand why we were excited by him turning 21. He couldn’t see what was different from being 20 apart from MW going up on his PT job!

He doesn’t do parties, so just went out with his GF and we had a meal with him on a different day. He is quite low maintenance 😀

Had a discussion with DH when FIL turned 65 and he had a big party as he treated it as milestone birthday. He was still working and wasn’t retiring. My parents who were older hadn’t treated 65 as special birthdays so I hadn’t seen it as a milestone birthday

JLou08 · 05/06/2026 13:58

You just need to look in a card/gift shop to see it is a milestone birthday. I don't see many cards or gifts with 20 or 22 on, I do see lots with 21.

TheKittenswithMittens · 05/06/2026 13:57

With voting age going down and the age that children are toilet trained going up, we could soon have kids in nappies going to the polling booths.