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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not consider 21 a milestone birthday?

166 replies

DragonsAndDaffs · 05/06/2026 12:35

Do you consider 21 a milestone birthday?
DD is 21 soon, and many of her friends have already turned 21; none of them has had a party, and they have all just marked the birthday like any other... they all consider 18 the milestone coming-of-age birthday, and I would agree.

I'm old enough to remember my aunt turning 21 in 1969, before the voting age was lowered in 1970.

YANBU 21 is not a milestone
YABU 21 is still a milestone

OP posts:
AlcoholicAntibiotic · 05/06/2026 20:56

DappledThings · 05/06/2026 20:42

Graduation. It's traditionally an age for finishing education and starting a proper independent life.

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Not everyone goes to university, and not everyone is 21 when they graduate. I appreciate graduation is a milestone but it isn’t age-specific.

I’m not saying don’t celebrate, but I don’t get why some people have said this is a bigger milestone than the age you legally become an adult.

Jc2001 · 05/06/2026 20:50

sanityisamyth · 05/06/2026 18:25

21 is more of a milestone than 16 is.

Neither of them are. 21 has some historic significance but there's nothing you can do at 21 that you can do at 18.

Ineffable23 · 05/06/2026 20:47

My posh friends went in for big 21sts. I had a bigger 18th, and a minimal to non-existent 21st and it was the same amongst my similarly not-super-posh friends.

DappledThings · 05/06/2026 20:42

AlcoholicAntibiotic · 05/06/2026 18:53

I’m interested in why, assuming you’re in the UK. It doesn’t really make a difference in what you’re able to do.

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Graduation. It's traditionally an age for finishing education and starting a proper independent life.

Shinyhappyapple · 05/06/2026 20:21

I guess for a lot of young people if they are at university- 21 is their final year when they’ll hopefully go into full adulthood, independent and working. And that’s more common now than it was in 1970, when many people were typically working at 15, often married by 21, and I would have thought that rare nowadays.

For most people it’s just another reason for a celebration, however they choose to do it. Make life feel a bit more special - why not ?

EmmaB1309 · 05/06/2026 20:07

Yes, I absolutely consider it a milestone birthday.

AlcoholicAntibiotic · 05/06/2026 18:53

Empress13 · 05/06/2026 18:35

I think 21 is more of a milestone than 18 tbh

I’m interested in why, assuming you’re in the UK. It doesn’t really make a difference in what you’re able to do.

grumpygrape · 05/06/2026 18:50

I think the key for me is ‘Milestone’ so in the UK I would say 18 and 67 (or whatever the retirement age is), and 100. I’ve never considered 30, 40, 50, etc. to be milestones because they aren’t life changing.

There are other milestones, of course, like first job, engagement, marriage, (divorce 😉), birth of children, house purchase, but these aren’t birthday linked.

Edited to say.... I suppose, sex, fags and tattoos at 16 are milestones 😉

CannotBeBothered01 · 05/06/2026 18:35

18 is a milestone birthday, as that is when you become an adult. 16, 21 or amy other birthday is not a milestone

Empress13 · 05/06/2026 18:35

I think 21 is more of a milestone than 18 tbh

Namingbaba · 05/06/2026 18:34

It’s just a traditional thing isn’t it? I know some people that had parties for their 21st. Though most people don’t have parties for milestones so I’m not sure that’s the deciding factor. You tend to get special cards for 21 that you don’t for any other 20 something age so it’d suggest people are buying them and celebrating it.

I guess having a 21st party means all your friends are usually of age to drink. If you have an 18th party and you are one of the oldest in your friendship group it might be awkward for drinking if you hire a place.

blueneopre · 05/06/2026 18:33

Ethelspagetti · 05/06/2026 18:13

I asked my 17 year old about this. She said that the 21 marker is more of an American thing as that’s the age people can drink alcohol, and are deemed an adult there. Whereas here in the uk they only need to be 18 to legally have sex/marry/drink/buy cigarettes etc. To her and her friends they’re excited about turning 18 and wouldn’t think anything about becoming 21.

I think 18 is not an age where I'd consider someone an adult - 21 is closer. Significant birthdays? What does that mean/involve? Bigger gifts/presents/parties I think they'd want all of them to be more significant!😂

Two2TooAlsoToToward · 05/06/2026 18:33

Motomum23 · 05/06/2026 12:38

I think 21 is a milestone in the US but not in the UK.

Agreed…because that’s the drinking age, so it’s understandable. UK 21YOs don’t get any new rights, so I don’t get it, but loads do seem to make a big deal when turning 21.

trueredstart · 05/06/2026 18:27

Sixteen was a non-birthday when I was that age, but I did enjoy being able to buy a lottery ticket and some cigarettes!

sanityisamyth · 05/06/2026 18:25

21 is more of a milestone than 16 is.

Ethelspagetti · 05/06/2026 18:13

I asked my 17 year old about this. She said that the 21 marker is more of an American thing as that’s the age people can drink alcohol, and are deemed an adult there. Whereas here in the uk they only need to be 18 to legally have sex/marry/drink/buy cigarettes etc. To her and her friends they’re excited about turning 18 and wouldn’t think anything about becoming 21.

maddiemookins16mum · 05/06/2026 17:47

It used to be (I remember my 21st party) but 18 seems to be the big one now.

Usernamenotav · 05/06/2026 17:47

DragonsAndDaffs · 05/06/2026 12:50

You asked me what I considered a milestone birthday, and I gave an example.
You didn't ask me to list every birthday I consider to be a milestone.

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They literally asked you if you considered 40 or 60 in the comment that this is in reply to 😂

Usernamenotav · 05/06/2026 17:44

Of course it is. Ive been to many 21st birthday parties.

newnewnamename · 05/06/2026 17:44

I'm mid fifties and we all had big 21st parties. My daughter has just had one, and is going to others so they're definitely still happening. Had a smaller 18th more of a bbq and some of her friends just had a night out etc, but when has 16 become a thing? I've never heard of it, or 30 for that matter. The turning 40 was always an excuse for the old people to party 😭.

Itiswhysofew · 05/06/2026 17:43

Trenchmark · 05/06/2026 15:59

We celebrate all birthdays, and the bigger ones even more! Celebrated my daughter’s 21st and now planning my son’s. Any excuse in this house 🎉I also had big 30th, 40th and 50th parties for me. I know that will shock many on here who thinks adults should never celebrate a birthday!

Fabulous 🥳

Itiswhysofew · 05/06/2026 17:38

It's still worth celebrating from a traditional and historical POV, I think. I celebrated it, low key, many moons ago. Still got the gold ring DM gave me.

Original poster
DragonsAndDaffs · 05/06/2026 17:32

Firesidechatter · 05/06/2026 16:38

Does your daughter consider it a milestone, thays really what’s key,

No she doesn't see it as a milestone, nor do any of her friends. They are all (some already have) celebrating their birthdays but as a normal birthday rather than a special birthday.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 05/06/2026 17:28

Not really anymore. I didn’t give any extra for 21 but did for 18.

Growlybear83 · 05/06/2026 17:24

It’s the only milestone birthday to me, but then we don’t really celebrate things like that to any great extent in my family. When my daughter turned 21 we took her out for a nice meal and bought her a piece of jewellery tjst she really wanted. But she didn’t want a party anyway.