Sisters 21st or partners 40th?

She shouldn’t be giving you the silent treatment but she’s 21 and they’re barely out of teenage narcissist phase. If it’s easy to rebook, do that and be the bigger person in repairing the relationship with your sister.

Why didn't you check with your sister, before booking the trip? Presumably you are close to her and I can see why she is upset at you not being there. I think better communication would have saved you all this hassle. You will probably lose money if you cancel the trip, so it's best to go ahead with it.

Silent treatment in my book would push me to stick to Italy. She's your sister, she shouldn't be doing this! I would stick to whichever was arranged first and to be honest, a weekend in Italy sounds a lot better than a 21st party with all her friends and lots of drunk youngsters.

If can afford it, try and arrange something when you get back with sis, maybe a spa day or something nice just for the two of you? If she's talking to you by then.

I hate people who sulk and guilt trip, go away with your partner and let her get on with it.

I don’t see a 21st birthday as being a significant birthday so I’d definitely prioritise DH’s 40th. Just ask your sister if she wants to meet up another day to do something for her birthday.

I wouldn’t book a holiday over a close family member’s big birthday . If your dh didn’t mind I would change the holiday date and do both.

Book the trip to Italy for the weekend after. This is a no brainer.

What? 18th birthdays being a 'thing' is a recent phenomenon. 21 has always been important because it's when people officially became adults, up until the 70s, anyway.

The reason most people I know seem to celebrate turning 18 is so they can go to the pub!

Age limits have been lowered over the last few years, but prior, 21 was the age you could vote, manage your own affairs, when you get the 'key of the door'.

Did you check plans before you booked the trip? If you did and she didn’t have anything planned then I don’t see why she is sulking.

If you didn’t I think it’s a bit silly, if it’s not to much trouble I would move the weekend and attend your sisters party.

My sister and DH share a birthday and are 10 years apart so big birthdays always fall on the same day.

To save all the anxiety etc and if nothing is booked re the trip to Italy, I would go to the party then book the trip for the weekend after. My reason being it gives you two events to look forward to.

I’m just really confused why you planned it that way OP? Without checking if your DSis was doing anything… 🤔

My mum is in her 80s and says 21 used to be more important than 18 when she was young.

I think your sister is being immature and petulant but that’s fine because she is only 21 after all… It was perhaps a bit of an oversight to book the trip away on the same weekend you knew for sure she’d have a party. You could have quite easily booked it for the weekend after and I doubt your DH would have minded.

bullshit, 21st are a big thing in the UK - and mine was way back in the 90s and it was a big deal back then

This too, unless it’s the in laws!

Im hitting 50 and they have always been a thing. Nothing to do with America!

OP your priority is your DP and kids.

I’m in the UK and don’t agree 21st isn’t a big deal?

I wouldn’t have planned a trip away for that weekend anyway. Who is having the kids? Is it your family? Will it impact other people who may want to go to your sisters party like your parents?

I think you were being unreasonable to assume going away for the whole of your sister’s 21st birthday weekend was ok. You should have checked before booking.

I would probably have arrange a 40th meal on the weekend and still go to the 21st party. Then the trip away afterwards.

Well within your rights to stick with the current arrangements but if your partner doesn't mind and the cost isn't prohibitive then might as well change it.

Your sister is being an immature brat, but family is precious and none of us know what's round the corner so better to be the bigger person, make peace and move on without drama where you can.

You’ve not made it clear which was arranged first. If the trip was already booked and then DSis didn’t check dates she is being unreasonable. She should have pre-checked if she’s so adamant you should be there.

if you knew about her party when you booked the trip then YABU (just slightly, because assuming you’re in the UK, a 21st birthday really isn’t a big deal).

Would it cost you much to rearrange the trip? Either way, your DSis is being unreasonable and a bit of a diva, but if it wouldn’t cost anything /a minimal fee maybe I’d just switch dates to keep the peace.

No, it isn’t. That’s just people copying American movies and trying to make 21st birthdays “a thing.” Most people roll their eyes because the big one here is 18.

Your DP & father if your children is the priority here.

Your sister’s 21st is not a significant birthday really and she is being a bit of a brat & immature by not speaking to you. Don’t reward this behaviour by changing your plans.

I'd expect a 21 year old to want to celebrate with her own mates and not her middle aged relatives. I don't think it's realistic to expect your family to be available for all of your birthdays anyway.