AIBU to expect grown-up children at home to contribute?

I pity any partner he ends up living with when he moves out of your house!

Yes of course my son pays rent and does housework - I wouldn’t want to raise a son who is not capable of looking after himself and knowing the cost of things .
If he lived here for free and didn’t do any chores -then he would be a bit useless when he eventually moves out . That would be a failure on my part .

Ds is too young at the mo (10yo), but tbh, apart from being tidy, I don't like any more help than that. I prefer to clean my own house, have total control of laundry etc, make beds the way I want them made. I dont make him do any more than put his dishes in the dishwasher and keep his tech tidy. I don't think that will change much. We don't need money now, and as long as that doesn't change, we won't take any off him then, but the importance of a pension and savings will be drilled into him.

I agree - but there's the battle, always the battle and I get really sick of it. I get to the point where I explain to them they either ship up or ship out, things improve for a while and then it happens all over again. I really don't like feeling like a domestic servant, some of my friends don't seem to mind.

Mine were expected to contribute one-third of after tax earnings plus do housework on a Friday after work and before dinner. We all had full time jobs, so they didn't think it was unfair.

i don’t want my kids doing any gardening it’s my garden set out my way and I don’t want them fucking with it

I think the bigger problem is that when children are living at home, they'r enot expected to do much in the way of chores so when they become adults living in their parents' houses, this mindset continues.

I am very aware that while I expect minor chores from my children, and they ARE expected to clean up after themselves, I do not expect them to do as much as I had to do when I was their age and I don't think I'm doing them or me any favours. I need to fix this. eg at their ages, we cleaned up after dinner, every single night. We took turns to hang up/bring in washing. We fed the pets. We helped prepare dinner or work int he garden (very gendered).

My children clean up after they've been cooking etc, empty the dishwasher and feed the cats if I ask.... it's not enough. I need to get them doing more.

You do what you want with your children and leave other people to do what they want with theirs as frankly I can’t see how it affects you .

In education up to the first degree YABU. I think it benefits parents making sure their kids get a solid education. Once you're out of education, you've got to support yourself.

My two adult daughters were still in college before they left home so no I didn't charge them anything as they weren't working and I was still being paid child benefits etc for them. They moved out at 18 but my eldest came back home for about a month or two before she got her council flat and she had her own benefits by then so I did ask her to contribute a little to the food shopping while she was back home. She also helped with childcare whilst I was at work so I didn't expect a lot of a contribution from her. I don't think it's unreasonable for an adult of working age earning an income or getting their own UC to pay their way to some extent because they need to learn that they can't live for nothing forever once they move out and live independently

That all seems fair but in your shoes I'd be strongly encouraging DD1 to save for her own place while she has no outgoings or giving her the choice of making a household contribution that I would put away for her.

Whether, when, how much, and how they pay (in actual money) is a family decision that varies a lot and can be impacted by a lot of different circumstances. Doing absolutely nothing at all to contribute to the household (including in some cases people post about here not even keeping their own bedrooms safe and sanitary and cleaning up after themselves in shared spaces) is completely unreasonable; even small children can and should make some ongoing contribution. Of course, an adult doing sweet FA around the house and thinking that's normal and equitable isn't exactly going to make a successful or in-demand flatmate, so I guess those parents will have the pleasure of their kids' constant presence for a while.

When our eldest left uni they got a graduate job that involved 3 years of exams. We charged £100 a month on the promise that they saved for a house deposit, they do nothing in the house but occasionally buy a takeaway or some shopping. They have done so well with saving that they move out next month having saved a substantial deposit for a house . Exams all passed and move 3 years after leaving uni. Job done.

we plan to do the same with our youngest.

I wouldn’t expect them to do DIY… it’s my house, I own it and it’ll be by money when I sell it! Plus I don’t do DIY myself, I pay someone to do it. I would expect them to have a hand in the day to day running of the household though. Cooking, washing, cleaning, that sort of thing.
Finances… it depends. If I could afford for them to not contribute to the household I would rather they saved the money for a deposit on their own place. If I couldn’t, well they’d have to contribute.

Mine pay a contribution to household bills and do chores reluctantly, they cook at least once a week when they are not completely overwhelmed with work and professional exams. I still think we are enabling them to avoid proper adulting. I’m hoping they’ll be out in 3 years.

My adult dc pay a contribution to the household bills, its still way cheaper than living independently and the eldest two have managed to save enough to buy their own homes despite having lowish earnings.

I don't see how it would be right to charge DD2 rent, who is working while living at home, likely not going to university (though would be supported if ever she did go down that route) while DD1 does a five year course as a full time student and we are supporting financially while she lives away.

Both are working (DD1 both when at home and at university) and they do help out with errands and pets and stuff round the house and that's good enough for me. If either live at home once they have career/full time jobs then it may be different, but even then I'd still like them to be able to save money to be independent.

In the current climate I'm just glad they both have jobs and a good work ethic.

What’s it got to do with you, manage your own family as you see fit, stop judging others, good grief, curtain twitching at its worst.

This has always been the case. It isn’t the normal.

Your posts reads like you're doing some kind of research, this question is asked about 3 times every week and there's nothing new under the sun on this topic

Id start with the similar threads box to see it rehashed countless times

We don’t ask for a financial contribution but they’ll pick up some shopping sometimes and pay for the odd takeaway for everyone. They do contribute in terms of household tasks though. They cook dinner once or twice a week, will put a wash on, tidy up, walk the dogs, clean out our animals etc. We have a cleaner who cleans, does the ironing, changes the beds so none of us have to do as many of those tasks.

They have some of their own bills like phone and gym, they budget for things and save, one has lived independently at uni, are responsible and they have a good attitude to money and life so it works for us. We don’t need their money so I’d rather they have money to have fun and to save.

I don’t charge dc1 - graduated last year, but he puts around £1500/month in savings across LISA/ISA/car fund and a planned holiday for next year that should have happened last summer. He shops for and cooks 2 meals a week and does a normal amount of housework. He’s naturally tidy which helps. We’ve said 2 years grace and then he needs to start chipping in for bills etc. I wanted 1 year really but dc2 and 3 both had a year pre uni and he didn’t so he gets 2 years after as in all likelihood the other 2 will land, penniless for a period in their turn and I didn’t want them to have used up their allocation at 18. I have 4dc and want to attempt to treat them fairly and help them “launch” but I’m not subbing them forever.

I think the danger with not asking for any financial contribution is that they then have no stake in anything. If everything is done by the housework fairies and the fridge is magically filled while they have all their earnings as disposable income, why should they care about anything?

I only had one come back after Uni, the others all chose to move into house shares. I charged my returning DD a small amount and asked for help around the house, which concentrated her mind on keeping things tidy, etc.

They've all managed to save and buy their own homes without having to live at home to 'save up' (which often seems to mean 'spend all my money, spend parents' money too and slob about' from what I've heard of friends' children).

Depends on the family finances and ehat the other family members are doing, I think.

Some families will just want young adults to save for a deposit in their own home. If you live in the SE where a very average family home can exceed the IHT thresholds it makes no sense for them to be transferring money to you.

My DC in graduate jobs worked insane hours - think Monday to Friday 0830 to 2300 most days. I was in a steady career and had more free time on my hands. Also I like gardening! And tbh, it was great if they were out all weekend and I had the house to myself.

I did expect them to do thir own laundry and pick up after themselves.

what's your stake in this OP? Do your grown up children still live with you?