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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to go away on my son's birthday weekend after cancelling

220 replies

MumOf4totstoteens · 05/06/2026 08:47

We have been having serious issues with my son’s behaviour and attendance at school. I have tried everything ( I’ve managed to get him into a collage for the last 2 years so hoping that’s helps) anyway, for the last 2 years we have hired this big bell tent for the garden and he has a sleepover and I take him and his friends out for the day and feed them 3 x a day for 3 days. It’s a lot of stress and costs a lot too. I told him months ago that if he didn’t improve his behaviour and attendance we wouldn’t be doing it this year. I’ve stuck to it because he’s only been in school 2.5 days this week! I want him to know I mean business. Now here’s where I feel bad - it wS our wedding anniversary this week and my husband wanted to go away this weekend. I said absolutely not because it’s my son’s birthday on Sunday and I want to spend the weekend with him regardless. Yesterday when I told them both 100% no party, by husband booked for us to go away for the weekend to celebrate our wedding anniversary. I feel so bad like I’m abandoning my son on his birthday. It’s a lodge with hot tub and has bunk beds for kids so I asked my son if he wanted to come. He said no. He said he’s planned a sleepover at my mums house on Saturday night. So the plan is I’m taking him to this new steak restaurant on Sunday when I’m back. Son seems fine but I feel so bad! I feel like I’m torn between celebrating with my husband or being here for my son even when he has other plans. He’s 14 for context. Came here as I know MN will be truthful so go ahead…

OP posts:
Original poster
MumOf4totstoteens · 05/06/2026 09:40

blythet · 05/06/2026 09:40

Is your DH is dad?

No step dad. Brought him up for the last 13yrs. They get on well. Son likes him better than me most of the time. They go to the gym together etc most nights

OP posts:
blythet · 05/06/2026 09:40

Is your DH is dad?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 05/06/2026 09:39

Evilkineavel · 05/06/2026 09:38

Unless hes far enough away that he can’t get back home there’s going to be a party chez op tonight if he’s left 🤣🤣🤣. Source. Former parent of teens who se now functioning adults and upstanding members if society.

Multiple people have told you she’s not leaving him
home alone, so why keep posting this?

Roomonthe3rdfloor · 05/06/2026 09:39

MumOf4totstoteens · 05/06/2026 09:37

Yes I’m on it with the school thing. He’s 14 but we have managed to get him into an engineering technical college. Hoping this goes better for him.

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Best of luck!

Original poster
MumOf4totstoteens · 05/06/2026 09:38

Sartre · 05/06/2026 09:38

He’s 14 so gets no say. It may be his birthday but he’s misbehaving and truanting which could impact his future. You made a threat months ago, you now must stick to it and that is only fair and right. He should come on the weekend away and shouldn’t get a choice.

Yes this is where my head is at too. Thanks

OP posts:
Evilkineavel · 05/06/2026 09:38

Unless hes far enough away that he can’t get back home there’s going to be a party chez op tonight if he’s left 🤣🤣🤣. Source. Former parent of teens who se now functioning adults and upstanding members if society.

Gazelda · 05/06/2026 09:38

Your DH needs to understand that he’s messed up here.

by booking the weekend away, he’s given your son the opportunity to complain that this is what you wanted all along.

you’re now stuck with the choice of sending him to stay elsewhere on his birthday weekend while you, DH and your youngest go away somewhere nice.

or he goes with you and will probably be miserable the whole time at bring away from his mates and having to spend time with parents and a tot. Logically, he doesn’t deserve better but I suspect the reality is that the mood of the whole weekend could potentially be pretty tense.

your DH caused this.

Sartre · 05/06/2026 09:38

He’s 14 so gets no say. It may be his birthday but he’s misbehaving and truanting which could impact his future. You made a threat months ago, you now must stick to it and that is only fair and right. He should come on the weekend away and shouldn’t get a choice.

Original poster
MumOf4totstoteens · 05/06/2026 09:37

Roomonthe3rdfloor · 05/06/2026 09:34

Where did she say she will leave him home alone? And she has already addresses DH is step dad.

OP just take him with you, if he want’s to be miserable than thats on him. I think if his school refusal has only started happening in the last 6 months try to find out the reason for that.

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Yes I’m on it with the school thing. He’s 14 but we have managed to get him into an engineering technical college. Hoping this goes better for him.

OP posts:
crochetandshit · 05/06/2026 09:37

MumOf4totstoteens · 05/06/2026 09:34

What’s the point in getting angry about something that’s not happening though?! Teens make all sorts of plans in their head with no permission, no money, no way of getting there etc and then adults bring them back down to reality right?!

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It's only not happening because your mum is ill. What are the consequences for him going behind your back like this?
In answer to your OP with this additional info, I absolutely wouldn't be going. I'd be at home making sure my 14yo had an incredibly uneventful and dull Friday and Saturday.

Dweetfidilove · 05/06/2026 09:37

So everyone is just doing whatever the hell they want, and you're just tagging along?

Husband books holiday even though you don't want to leave your son.

You cancel birthday celebration, so son sets himself up at grandma's instead.

Just stand firm with both and say no.

Husband, I told you not to book amd you did, so see you when you return.

Son, there will be no sleepover at grandma.

*ETA I see grandma has cancelled the sleepover, so that's one job done.

SandyHappy · 05/06/2026 09:36

I would absolutely not be going on this weekend away on the principle of it, let your husband take your 4 year old, if he is so desperate for a holiday.

Cancelling his party, absolutely fine, going on holiday and leaving him alone for the weekend, absolutely not okay, for various reasons.

vintedandminted · 05/06/2026 09:36

Son comes before husband. Everytime. Husband has done it on purpose knowing exactly the position he is putting you in. His behaviour is worse than your sons as he is an adult.

Original poster
MumOf4totstoteens · 05/06/2026 09:36

PurpleLovecats · 05/06/2026 09:26

Why can’t you stand up to your DH and say no?

I can. It literally just happened and I wanted to process it before I confront him. He’s at work this morning left at 5am before I woke up and I was too exhausted last night to even think about it all

OP posts:
CryptoFascist · 05/06/2026 09:35

"persuade" him to go with you?

That's your problem right there. He's a child who should be told what's going to happen.

Roomonthe3rdfloor · 05/06/2026 09:34

Evilkineavel · 05/06/2026 09:18

You can’t leave a 14 year old home alone!

Also it’s dead obvious your DH isnt his father

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Where did she say she will leave him home alone? And she has already addresses DH is step dad.

OP just take him with you, if he want’s to be miserable than thats on him. I think if his school refusal has only started happening in the last 6 months try to find out the reason for that.

Eenameenadeeka · 05/06/2026 09:34

No way would I even consider going away without him on his birthday. I get taking away the party, but a child misbehaving needs more of your time not less. It really wouldn't help the situation to go off with your husband without him.

Original poster
MumOf4totstoteens · 05/06/2026 09:34

crochetandshit · 05/06/2026 09:31

No, that's not just teens. You have given him a clear consequence and he's just gone around it! I can't believe how passive you are about this tbh.

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What’s the point in getting angry about something that’s not happening though?! Teens make all sorts of plans in their head with no permission, no money, no way of getting there etc and then adults bring them back down to reality right?!

OP posts:
ToKittyornottoKitty · 05/06/2026 09:34

Evilkineavel · 05/06/2026 09:33

So party at yours tonight then

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She isn’t planning to leave him home alone

purpleme12 · 05/06/2026 09:33

And yes I still think it's really poor on your husband's part

Evilkineavel · 05/06/2026 09:33

MumOf4totstoteens · 05/06/2026 09:32

It’s his birthday Sunday I’d be back then but I’m going to either take him with me or come back Saturday night

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So party at yours tonight then

Evilkineavel · 05/06/2026 09:32

MumOf4totstoteens · 05/06/2026 09:12

UPDATE… my mum has just text me and said she’s not well and certainly won’t be having him and his friends over. He had asked her but she thought he ment next week.

now I feel the only option is to persuade my son to come with us? It’s a really nice place and I could take all his birthday stuff with us.

I read this as him not being welcome at all.

Neverwatchedgameofthrones · 05/06/2026 09:32

I have had badly behaved teens and been in this predicament with do I cancel something so everyone suffers.

You are going to have to go aren't you. You are also going to have to be extra nice to your son to hope you all get a nice weekend. Well done Hubby.

It would have been easier to have his birthday party at this stage.

There is somethung wrong with the set up of your house and unless you start putting your foot down your son and hubby are going to run rings around you.

Your husband doesn't much like your son FYI. You won't agree with me now. You will in a few years when you are divorcing him.

Original poster
MumOf4totstoteens · 05/06/2026 09:32

Mrsmessyhairdontcare · 05/06/2026 09:21

Sorry but there is no way i would be away for my sons birthday (Same age as your son) We get up and do presents in the morning and then something they want to do bowling, arcade, doesn't have to be expensive... No way would i be away, he will remember in years to come that you abandoned him for a weekend away. I would take him away with me and take his presents too.

It’s his birthday Sunday I’d be back then but I’m going to either take him with me or come back Saturday night

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 05/06/2026 09:32

The impression I get from the thread is that even though OP wouldn't have chosen the weekend away, now it's booked she's actually fairly happy to go, even though it's her son's birthday on the Sunday

So she doesn't want to say anything to her husband