AIBU to go away on my son's birthday weekend after cancelling

So did you marry on your sons birthday?

But he just rearranged what he actually wanted, a sleepover with friends, at your Mum’s! His objective was a sleepover. So your sanction was undermined.

It is unusual for a grandmother to just say yes to a group teen birthday sleepover without communication with you, surely?

Oh and for clarification I remember all my shitty Christmases and birthdays. There may have been good ones but the bad ones really stand out.

my son is in his 30s now I don’t ever plan anything that week as I hope to see him. I’ve seen him for every birthday bar one when he postponed as at uni and we went out for lunch the next day so within twelve hours of his birthday.

Your husband really doesn't like your son does he? Maybe that's where the behaviour issues have come from. Go away, prioritise your DH in his battle to take the attention from your son, and watch the behaviour get worse.

Your husband needs to cancel he booked this knowing it would cause a problem.

you stay at home with your son he can still have a nice birthday.

I don’t know why you’ve done such huge birthday celebrations in the past, but I certainly wouldn’t feel bad about not doing it this year. Sorry but he sounds spoilt. He needs to learn that his actions have consequences, and responsibilities go both ways. At 14 he can cope. He shouldn’t be allowed to just move the venue of his party!

Incidentally, how is he going to go to a college when he’s only 14? (Unless it’s just a school with a fancy name.)

God no. You cannot go away for the weekend on your son's birthday. That's horrible. Like really really nasty.

Not getting an expensive party, reasonable consequence. Cancelling someone birthday, not a reasonable consequence.

In 20 years time that's gonna be a bloke that sulks on his kids birthdays and says "no one gave a shit about my birthday, my parents just left me home alone, and I turned out fine so why should my kids get anything for their birthday."

It seems like you’ve decided you’re going. Has your son gone to college today? When he returns I would pack bags and all go BUT come back tomorrow. Then you can have Sunday just for him.

Honestly, it sounds like you have little control over your own life. How dare your 14 year old rearrange the party at his Gran's when you cancelled it at home.

Your dh should not have booked a weekend away this weekend however it is done now. I would be telling the 14 year old he is going with you - no if or buts. There is no way I would trust him to stay at home for the day and he lost the right to a sleep over in grans by re arranging the party there.

But OP what do YOU want to do? If it were me I would want to go, it sounds like your son has had it all his own way for too long.

What’s the point in getting angry about something that’s not happening though?!

I think you really DO need to show your DH and your DS some anger though. Remind them you're a human and their collective bullshit is causing YOU nothing but grief and unnecessary drama to sort out.

Nobody else in this scenario is running round like a blue arsed fly trying to make everyone happy.

Fuck me, if my sons were flipping two fingers and arranging their own parties, treating school as optional and expecting no consequences I'd be reading the riot act.
And if DH knowingly went over my express wishes not to do something on a particular weekend for a completely obvious & good reason, I'd be pretty fucked off with him too.

Personally I'd feel like buggering off for a weekend with a hot tub alone, or at least with the people who aren't making my life far harder than necessary.

I am not a gentle parent.

I wouldn’t go away on my sons birthdays ever, my husband wouldnt even suggest it tbh, his late parents, who were wonderful btw, went away for a fortnight when it was his 18th, he has never forgotten it, it really did upset him.

Your son seems very comfortable going behind your back and assuming he can override your decisions.

Your DH also ignores what you explicitly say you want and does what he wants anyway.

I wonder if some of your son’s behaviour is learned from your DH?

Jeez, climb down.

There are multiple different ways to deal with this situation, based on several different factors / potential outcomes, some of which she can't deal with right now because the relevant people aren't contactable.

She's asking for advice, there's no need to take it so personally.

I am dyslexic and have slow language processing speeds. It takes me a long time to type and correct errors for a start.

secondly, her follow up said her mum can’t keep him and it’s my honestly held belief that unless he’s far enough away not to be able to get home, then he will try to have a party coz he's miffed that his big party has been cancelled.

call me cynical but I’ve had teens.

I don’t understand what you’re even asking. You seem determined to go so why even make the post. You told your husband not to book it and he did. I don’t understand why at that point you didn’t just say “why have you done that? I told you I can’t go”. And then…not go.

And apparently you told your son no sleepover with his friends and he tried to arrange one at his nanna’s?? And there’s no consequence for that, you’re still taking him out on Sunday? That makes no sense.

Pretty much everyone has said don’t go and you still seem set on it so go for your life I guess?!