Are parents too involved in teenagers' A levels and independence compared to how they used to be?

Yes, it's no coincidence that children of doctors, vets, dentists and lawyers follow in their parents footsteps.

@Tshirtking Many teachers and lecturers and professionals have dc who do their subjects at school. A maths teacher or MFL teacher can 100% give their dc a lot of help. Of course they do. Doctors advise dc how to be doctors and vets too. The latter take their dc to work! It’s not exactly hovering but it certainly confers a huge advantage to immerse your dc in a subject or career they want. It’s more difficult for those without any help that’s for sure.

Just because you carnt help dosent mean other parents carnt. We are not all you

DD had a boyfriend at school whose parents were so hands off that, although I think he was probably brighter and more intellectually curious than DD, he didn't do nearly as well at GCSE and A levels as she did.

He was sitting on an Oxbridge offer, but what his parents didn't know was that he was getting quietly drunk in his room every night instead of revising. He dropped grades in 2 subjects and was rejected from Oxbridge and his second choice and ended up going through clearing.

Meanwhile, DD worked hard with support from us, her teachers and friends and achieved the grades she wanted.

We didn't stop her social life and she continued with her volunteering throughout.

We recognised that there had to be a balance, and making your child study all the time with no breaks isn't healthy. We have always encouraged independence because it is an essential life skill, and even more important for DD as she is an only child with older parents.

Because life dosent stop after you've done your A levels. They have 25 more years of using this knowledge than a student studying for 2 years. Are you an A level student?

I think it’s important to account for parents of DC who have specific learning difficulties or mental health challenges. My involvement was low with my DC who were high ability with no SEN, mid with the one with high anxiety and very high wifh the one who has ADHD. I see this as supporting equity of opportunity for them. The youngest with SEND doesn’t need further disadvantaging by me letting him fail badly at the baseline of GCSEs because of his challenges with personal organisation and related. He is a little behind the others in development for his age, and there isn’t the realistic option of delaying the national exams until he catches up! IMHO support in that context is valuable, albeit not much fun for me…
I might have taken the same critical view of ‘overinvolved parents’ if I had only had my first and academically able child…and but I have learnt the bigger picture from having DC with very different needs. I think it’s easy to judge, particularly if you have DC who just get on with it and are well supported in school.

I suppose we can judge if something is the right way by the results. If over involvement is resulting in 18/19 year olds struggling to be independent and cope at university then I'd say its not the right way.

People haven't changed, but our understanding of brain development has changed a lot. Think how few brain scanners existed in the 1980s.

We now know how much development continues post 16.

And who.k ows it's the" right" way whatever way people do things

Have people changed that much? And how have times changed so much in between siblings then .

Agree with this.

Have noticed people who were under-parented often characterise any engagement from parents as over-parenting.

There is and always has been a group of parents who support and empower.

I agree with this and I’m a teacher!
My niece is has missed lots of family events including months before exams started.
It’s ridiculous.

Although I was still living at home, I was expected to be independent by that age and be doing my own thing with minimal support from my parents.

The understanding of brain development at 16+ and consequently society's approach to education/employment/marriage/relationships have changed a lot in the past three decades.

What was done in the past was not automatically the correct approach.

My view is that thirty years ago many people had way too little advice, guidance, emotional support, safeguarding in their post-16 young adulthood.

Good parents have always been supportive without taking over or stifling independence. That should continue past 16.

It was certainly my experience but also back in the 80,s it was acceptable to get a job at 16 and not go to college or uni. These days the governments have rammed down our throats about standards, exams, college and then uni and so no wonder parents are more wrapped up in their childs education. Im a teacher and I can think of at least 6 kids in every class who really shouldnt be there theyd benefit more from learning a practical skill.

DD's school didn't arrange university visits. It was up to us. I took DD to open days because public transport wasn't viable (train strikes) and at 16/17 she didn't have the confidence to go on her own. None of her friends were interested in the same universities as her either.

I've noticed a few posters on this thread say they didn't get involved, they just hired tutors when necessary. Most parents can't afford tutoring so how should they provide equivalent help without being accused of over-involvement?

Similarly some schools (particularly some private schools) give a lot of individual support and one-to-one career/university guidance, take kids on university visits, etc. My child is at a sixth form college and won't get a single university visit through college.

It's easy not to be over-involved when school and tutors do it all for you.

Oh and just because that's how it was or what we did as kids/teens doesn't make it better or the "right" way

Some of you have no idea about child development, attachment theories or the fact that times have CHANGED since we were kids/teens... Educate yourselves people 🤦🏽‍♀️
And before you come at me, there are huge differences between healthy involvement, active parenting and control, micromanaging

I heard this too. This is so unfair to students who fend for themselves. Ridiculous parents setting their kids to fail.

I'm definitely more involved with DD's (15) education because I get so much more information than my parents did - on the school app I see when all her exams are, get her grades, see what homework is set

I agree that modern technology means that parents are more involved. DD took GCSEs 10 years ago and A levels 8 years ago and while I knew what subjects she was taking and when her exams were I didn't get the level of communication from the school that parents do these days.

It does feel that the stakes are higher now even from 8 years ago, but some of the stuff I have read on this thread is mind boggling.

Parents really aren't helping their DC by doing things for them. They are just delaying their independence.

Surely there’s a reasonable halfway point between doing the kids work for them (a friend boasted that ‘she’ got an A on a paper she wrote for her Y7 son, what a surprise that a couple years later he was caught trying to pass off a piece of photography he got off the internet as his own), and a parent who is barely aware that her child is taking A levels (yes same class year a mum didn’t even know what subjects her child was taking). My DD was totally independent about her revising but I still knew what subject and when she was taking her exams, I went to university open days with her and helped her decide what unis to apply to.
Some children need more help than others, but you don’t do the work for them, you encourage and support, and be there if things don’t go as planned, and celebrate when they do!