Are parents too involved in teenagers' A levels and independence compared to how they used to be?

Yes parenting is very different now. I think it’s because people have children later and invest more in them and they are more part of their lifestyle. It seems a shock when they leave. (Whilst the point of parenting is to turn out fully functional adults at 18).

Also childhood has been extended back then more left at 16, could smoke etc. Also there is more £ for more parents, with the student loan set up.

Sorry not well written. I’m barely awake!

Yes. Parents are far, far too involved in everything and expect no accountability from children. A local FB group has a campaign running about the school Prom. Parents are outraged that bad behaviour will result in precious DC not being allowed to attend said Prom. It’s madness.

Totally agree with you. I know parents who are having to literally study / revise ‘with’ their DC, including getting up at 5am to do so. Parents who are reading core texts to ‘help’ their DC, parents who make revision timetables for them, who spends hours making flash cards for them, who ‘pay’ them for every good grade they receive. All that happens is they can’t cope in either uni or a place of work as they simply are not independent or self directed enough. As a parent of a DC currently doing exams I make sure they eat and sleep and offer some reassuring words of encouragement where possible. My DC did point out that I wasn’t ‘paying her to revise like other parents’, which was quickly shot down!

I have a couple of friends who won’t make plans for months leading up to their children’s exams as ‘they’ have to revise or at least be there to supervise and support them. I think that’s barking mad and controlling. I let mine get on with it but will help them with tricky material if asked and encourage them to revise in their own time. They are super independent and capable kids. I didn’t feel an ounce of ‘stress’ on their behalf and think it’s super weird that some people get themselves so worked up over it.

Yes obviously they cared after but I mean they didn’t track my revision or insist I do X hours or know what my texts or coursework were even.

They never asked you how they went? My parents had little involvement but they showed some interest in basic details such as how it went.

The problem with that statement is that "involvement" isn't standard. There is good and bad involvement.

Generally speaking the research is very clear that on average more involved parents see better outcomes for their children (educationally) than less involved parents.

But that doesn't mean there isn't a cost to that educational achievement (potentially independence or resilience) and it doesn't mean that all involvement is good.

E.g. being involved to the extent that you know what is going on academically in your teenagers life, you can spot any problems that maybe they can't see, you can help make sure there aren't family distractions or obstacles, and you are there if they run into trouble.

is very different from micro-managing every aspect, forcing them to work, or even doing work for them.

The issue with a lack of involvement is that it works wonders with self-motivated, disciplined children who take that freedom and grow into it. But it entirely fails those who are not ready to take on that degree of self-responsibility (which is not a problem, and is entirely normal at that age) who instead fall away from what they could achieve because no one is helping them stay on a more productive pathway.

(if anyone is interested in the research, there is a lot.. you can look it up - but as a place to start, here is a meta analysis from this year of 40 research projects into this. Reviewing all of them the results again clearly show a correlation between parental involvement and academic success - https://www.researchgate.net/publication/366012469_Parental_Involvement_and_Academic_Achievement_A_Meta-analysis )

I’m not remotely involved in my dds alevels as I think she’s too old for parental input and needs to be able to do it herself.

I know what exams my DD is doing (currently doing A levels) and its on my calendar. Of course i’d know as I ask her what’s next etc. I have no other involvement than that, but of course parents will know basic details.

Yes I find it bizarre. 12 years ago when I did mine my mum asked ‘all sorted’ and I confirmed and that was that. AAA. There’s way too much involvement now and I think it builds the terror in kids minds and is actually to their detriment.

A chilled parent = a kid who knows it’s not the end of their future if they get a duff grade.

I think parents are generally over involved in the lives of their children. I’m astounded that people use location tracking on phones and check where they are constantly. It’s not healthy. I joined FB What I Wish I Knew About Uni & there are parents getting involved in fall outs between house mates & all sorts. No wonder the younger generation are all anxious & can’t cope!

I’m working with a child psychologist at the moment who says she’s seen far too many cases of the parents doing everything (coursework, personal essays, ucas, organising homework) stopping short of actually writing the exams on the day, such that the young people crash out of university in a sadly spectacular fashion as they can’t cope without the parental input.