Are parents too involved in teenagers' A levels and independence compared to how they used to be?

As a counter to the ‘no you shouldn’t be involved’… my parents took little / no interest in mine or siblings education (beyond sending us to schools that they thought would be good) - and I actually don’t think that was a good thing, and I endeavour to provide my own children with more guidance / support / encouragement / incentives.

All of us probably could have done better in terms of results - and lacked direction because we weren’t really provided with any.

Thankfully we have all ended up ok - but, I think they probably should have done more. They were definitely of the generation which thought if you went to uni, then that was it and everything would be fine.

A counter to the ‘yes everyone’s far too involved’… and maybe this is why they are, a reaction from people whose parents just let them ‘get on with it’ who’d have liked more support and guidance.

Nothing wrong with knowing what exams your children are doing. It’s a healthy interest. I think it’d be weird if you didn’t know - plus they tell you anyway ‘I’ve got maths today’ or ‘the paper was shit’.

My DS always wanted me to test him at A level, he’s quite needy, even at uni as he has mental health issues (anxiety related). It’s more for moral support than anything, as his essays (STEM) are incomprehensible to me! This is at his discretion, not mine, I’d rather he just got on with it and was more resilient. He’s had a DSA mentor the whole time so you can imagine the level of need. I do worry about him in the world of (proper) work when he has a PITA manager or annoying colleagues, but we will see.

DD had no interest in my help whatsoever although DH helped her a bit w A level maths. Teaching wasn’t great!

We never paid to revise but we did give them a monetary gift afterwards to recognise their hard work.

Conversely my parents had virtually no input in my education in the 80s/early 90s because they didn’t really understand the system (my school was crap which didn’t help - standard of education was appalling rather than it being rough).

A couple of things about this.

Your experience as a kid does not reflect your parents' experience of parenting you! They probably had a much better idea of what was going on than you thought. My kids think I am hands off with them because I make sure they think that but I mostly know what's going on so I can intervene if necessary.

Secondly the level of education in this country is much higher than it was when we were kids. My parents didn't go to university so they couldn't help me navigate those systems. I could have used the help and they would have if they'd known about it but they didn't. Did the posh people running the country have help and intervention from their parents? Of course they bloody did!

I sat A Levels in 2005. My mother had the dates and subjects on her calendar, we used to have a chat about the exam when I got home and always wished me good luck and was positive that I could do it on the morning if thr exam.

All revision and coursework was down to me amd that was also the same for GCSE. University is a totally different ball game and kids need to have developed the skills to deal with this. Wishing good luck to all sitting their exams at the moment

Yes - and more likely to invest resources into it.

The whole area becomes a messy set of correlations where causation between an individual pair (like parental involvement and educational outcomes) is hard to parse from financial investment, regional differences, school choice, class-based differences etc.

it would be fair to say that in general, parental involvement is likely one of many factors that mediate the relationship between class and educational success.

Parents of yesteryear might’ve been more involved if they were going to have to stump up tens of thousands for university.

If I’m paying £25k a year then I’ll be involved in the university DS chooses
And I think this is wrong. Either don't pay (I could have but no way would I have because I didn't want them to see that it came with restrictions), or accept you are giving them the money freely, with no expectations attached to it.

When I was doing Alevels, I was already "above" what my mother had done. My dad understood my Maths, but not the other 4 subjects. Their help was ensuring i had healthy meals, peace and quiet, internet access, books etc. (There was also long rambling discussions about Maths at the dinner table, but my father had a Maths degree, my brother was doing one, mu Mum "only" had Highers but worked with Maths ..Maths was just a natural part of our lives, which was probsbly a massive help withA levels!

My eldest is only Yr10 (youngest Yr8, suspected ADHD). I help with work if asked. I ensure Stationery is topped up. Exams are on the calender. DD1 can get obsessive so I stay on top of that to ensure she rests. DD2 reacts badly to being "managed" but we are helping her find what does work.

We are just entering college applications. Weve advised on how subjects go together, but its ultimately how choice.

I checked whether mine needed any pens, made sure there was plenty of food for good healthy meals and favourite snacks, did a few laundries for him (he usually does his own), and provided plenty of hay fever tablets. My DS responds far better to being left alone to get on with it - a lot of fuss makes him overwhelmed and anxious, and treating exam days like every other day has helped him stay calm and on track.

Yep, I'm with you. My parents made sure I had a quiet place to study, and asked if I needed any money for extra pens, pencils etc for my tests. That was it, and they were super supportive engaged parents, but they trusted me to have it sorted and that I would ask for help if I needed. I did my ucas for myself, although my Dad did give me a lift to my interviews as they were all over the country.

I'm involved in my daughters 11+ practice as she is 10, but by 18 I would expect ger to be self sufficient

My DD is first year A levels. I was 40 when she was born. We have very little involvement. If she has a test, yes we ask how it went. If she needs more paper or text books we buy them. We attended a parents evening via zoom. Thats it.

She wants to go to Uni, and we want her to be ready. That is hers to achieve not us!

I don’t have kids so no idea of the exam involvement but I have noticed it drifting into other areas. I worked in elite sport for 15 years - for a governing body and for a professional high profile team. The number of enquiries we got from parents wanting work experience for their kids was astonishing. We’d take several a year, of all levels, but our policy was that we would only consider enquiries which came directly from the young person.

I always smile when I see Facebook posts from parents looking for a job/work experience for their child, someone will also ask why the child isn’t the one doing the looking and the parent (and sometimes others) will always get on the defensive about how young people just don’t use Facebook. As if it’s some sort of crime to set up an account just for this reason. Just delete it afterwards?!

I've seen this with relatives - parent and/or grandparent helping students with essays on courses where grades are mainly based on continuous assessment.

Similar to OP for me in the early 90s - my parents were generally supportive but didn't have any active involvement in my studies or revision. By A-Level stage it wouldn't have been much use as none of the subjects I was studying were subjects my parents had studied beyond their O-Levels, so I knew more than they did, and I was perfectly capable of devising my own revision schedule.

in terms of actual ‘help’ though - I wouldn’t be able to even if I wanted to, alevels are far too hard! Dd is doing double maths, chem and bio and often shows me her maths as she gets excited by it - most people including me would just think wtf is all that cot and tan.

If I’m paying £25k a year then I’ll be involved in the university DS chooses. I haven’t been involved in his course choices though.

In the 2010s I went to Uni of Leeds as a mature student and was regularly bewildered by the amount of students who were writing their essays with their parents' help.

Some had full input from parents and others would get their Mum or Dad to check their essays over and edit before submission.

These were perfectly capable and intelligent 19 and 20 year olds, living away from home who for whatever reason were relying heavily on their parents and their parents were enabling them.

Like everything, it's a case of good balance.

I was involved in helping them navigate what they needed to prepare for uni. No involvement whatsoever in their actual studies, they were free to organise their lives, I just asked to know if they were going to be late and yes, I liked to know where they were, but they knew it was a me problem, they did it to appease me!

The problem nowadays is parents, more likely mothers), often SAHM, who live their lives through the lives of their kids. Their lives are boring so they want to experience excitement and success through their kids. Their success becomes their own.

The problem is the young adults themselves get lost in confusing building their own future and building the future for their parents. They don't get the chance to develop their own ambitions and sense of self development. Then there is the lack of experience of making ones own decisions and navigating through the errors on the way.

Finally, it creates laziness and anxiety that they will let down their parents, and the ramification that comes with it.

Mumsnet has been around since 2000 so it would be interesting to do a comparison between posts then and now to see if there is a change in parental attitude/involvement. The friends I have didn't seem too involved and in fact in a couple of cases I would say very very hands off. Not sure how representative MN is?

I didn’t realise other parents did this. My eldest has ASD and ADHD and I find I have to keep just the right amount of involvement or he wouldn’t do anything. He often doesn’t anyway! I just assumed that the majority of other parents simply checked in with their child now and then to ask how it was going. I know that’s all my brother had to do with my niece, who is neurotypical and also very independent. I will add that I realise all children are different, neurodivergence notwithstanding.

I know the dates of my son's A levels because they were emailed to me by the school. Also that sort of thing would surely come up in conversation.
I think parents are told a lot more information these days - there were parent information evenings at my son's school all about revision, Ucas, student finance, stress etc. I don't think there was any such thing when I was at school.
My son is doing A Levels that I know nothing about - stem subjects - so I have not attempted to help in anyway. I did get involved in nagging him to apply for student finance otherwise he would have ended up with no student loan in September!

That was exactly my experience, OP.

My parents were supportive, but A Levels were always my choice and if I'd wanted to drop out, that would have been my choice too, and as long as I got a job, my parents would have been supportive of that too. My 6th form life and work was very much my responsibility, both from the perspective of my parents and the sixth form college. I don't remember parents' evenings or any involvement really, but that could be my memory failing me!

I suppose it's different now, with young people having to stay in education until 18 - perhaps that's partly the difference?

I have 1 doing A levels and 1 doing GCSEs atm and yes there does seem to be an awful lot of parental over involvement on here.
i know when the exams are, wish them luck and then a cursery hope it went well when they get home. This is my experience with all other parents i know however on here (I'm on gcse thread) the parents seem to know absolutely everything! Which exam board, what the content of the exam will be, last year's grading boundaries ect, that's before revising with their children and seemingly contacting school about every little thing.
Im veering from thinking I'm a crap parent to they need to ease up because their children must be feeling so much pressure from them!

Edited for spelling

I wonder if there is a correlation with class? The middle classes are more likely to value education etc?