Are parents too involved in teenagers' A levels and independence compared to how they used to be?

We never do their work - that makes no sense
But we do test them and maybe tutor them through weaker areas or at least find a pattern in past papers and suggest they work on their weaker areas more.

Our eldest had a shocker of first round Y12 mocks so we are nudging revision for resits.

Our Y10 breezed through his end of year and is currently doing his English oral speech so we will listen through that - once he’s written it himself.

Ours go to state comprehensive where sometimes there isn’t the time to expand and enjoy learning so we do some of that at home.

If I’m honest it’s quite fun we all end up talking academia together, they learn through explaining to us, conversations go off in tangents, we eat, laugh, study, adults read, tell stories of when we learnt this stuff. Is this what you mean by over involvement? Because if it is then fine, our eldest is likely to go to uni in just over a year followed by his brother x2 years later. They spend increasing amounts of time away from us so I treasure any time talking, learning together now these days are almost over. And they will miss each other when eldest leaves they adore each other as brothers and listening to them teach each other makes us happy.

But we don’t do their work, we won’t fill in their UCAS forms, we won’t apply for jobs or go to interviews or email uni tutors (we barely email school and college).

I think there were always parents who were heavily involved in their children's work (mine were, they insisted on seeing revision plans and monitoring what I was doing, and giving me a list of "approved" and "not approved" activities during exam season).

I do think visibility has increased. Parents see that other parents are doing things, in a way that wouldn't have happened years ago, and think they need to do the same.

The parents who are not interested at all in their children's exams, or those who are quietly letting them get on with it whilst providing snacks and a quiet workspace, are not the ones posting obsessively on forums.

What if one of the ones she chooses you don’t agree with. Will you withdraw the money! Ultimately it’s their choice and their life.
My son had an offer from a top uni for his chosen course. He turned it down as having gone to the open day he didn’t like the feel of it and went to a less prestigious one and was very happy. Of course we’d have preferred him to go to the top one but we respected his decision.

It's quite a simplistic view "I did it this way, every one does it differently now"...

You were independent because you were able to and/or your parents couldn't be arsed. It doesn't mean that every other student was independently preparing for their exams.

And it's the same now, some teens will need more support than others, and some parents will be more pushy than others. I have seen a wide range of this, although it tends to be a stressful time for everyone in the family.

Are you saying you would refuse to support if your son didn't go to a university of your choice? Do you know how wrong and controlling this is?

I knew which A levels were on which day and made sure DD felt supported. I never did any work for her, but would leave cards, a treat, etc. In her room and took her to her favourite restaurant to celebrate two years of hard work.
DD aced her A levels, travelled through Europe alone last Summer and apart from being very poorly not long adter arriving at uni (I went to make sure for myself that she had everything) has settled far better than I expected, making some wonderful friends.
There's a huge difference to my parents, who never ever set foot in any of my schools and took zero interest to doing everything. Somewhere in the middle makes for a happy, independent and successful young adult.

Wasn’t yesterday just a tube strike?

I guess he would’ve done whatever an adult would do when they had an urgent appointment during a train strike- go the night before etc…. It’s just one of those things we work around?

I think it really depends on the child / teen. I have one daughter who can manager her own time, space, emotions and the other who is a mess!
They are both a long way off A levels though...

I am a more involved parent with my DD than my parents were, but then I wasn't given much guidance, had strict parents around what I could do during A Levels, whilst simultaneously having little support & was left to get on with it, but expected to do well. Beyond pressure to get a job at uni immediately, my parents weren't involved. I wasn't at all self sufficient, had undiagnosed autism & ADHD, so unsurprisingly flunked out.

My DD is taking A Levels & is a self directed learner. I helped her set up a revision time table at her request & have helped with exam access arrangements. She likes to show me her work sometimes, not for feedback, she just loves giving a presentation!

DS is in Y12 and I have very little input into anything. I have helped him identify extracurricular talks he could go to for free or very little cost (we're in London).

I will put his exams on the calendar next year so I'm aware if when they are.

And I will be going to some open days with him. I don't remember going to any until I had offers, and then I went on my own ('90s). So thats one change I see.

My DD struggles massively with time management and procrastination, so I can see myself helping her mire with planning in a general sense.

They have to be able to do it all themselves. Otherwise, what's the point? They're just heading for a huge crash if they're not independent.

This is more than just A Levels.
Parents are over involved throughout childhood you see it at the playground with 6 year olds. They could actually play and determine things for themselves but parents seem to intervene on everything and as a consequence kids are unable to think for themselves. You don't need an adult to referee whose turn it is on the swing or how someone should go down a slide.

I’ve already pointed out there was a train strike

DS has been working a part time job since 16. He has a lot of savings and has arranged a part time job in London. Want to carry on trying to fault his work ethic?

I agree. Yes we will help pay but it really it really is her choice, its her life after all.

Because tuition is almost £10k and rent is £14k (london) plus a rail card and stuff he needs for his room.

I’ve told DS to go to whichever university he wants. He has chosen UCL which is expensive.

why would I not pay if I can? You and others can leave your dc with huge debt if you wish, I don’t want that if it can be avoided. Unsure why that’s a problem.

Not sure how DS would have got to the offer holder day in Durham (on a train strike day) without me. It was an 8 hour drive. Perhaps you could advise?
My DS went alone on the train, 10hours and overnight stay. I worked full time, couldn't take him anyway. He's saved over £15k working at a supermarket since he finished his GCSEs, all through his A levels, during COVID. He paid.

He continued to work through uni. I gave him £200 a month just to help, which he refused initially, I had to insist. It was a token next to his self independence.

I took my A'levels in 1982. My dad had not long since died. My mum flew to Canada to visit family while I was taking them. I remember taking the French oral exam after a massive drinking session the night before and hoping I wasn't breathing Bacardi fumes all over the examiner 😬

Reader, I got a B.

A helicopter parent she was not, bless her.

He would have missed it and arranged to go another time like my dd did when she was poorly and couldn't go.

This children need to develop in appropriate stages away from their parents.

Not sure how DS would have got to the offer holder day in Durham (on a train strike day) without me. It was an 8 hour drive. Perhaps you could advise?

Why would you be paying £25k per year? Wouldn’t your DC get a loan - I mean we paid their rent to the tune of about £7K. Then they pay their loan back over time.

Until very recently I was very involved...(overinvolved) with DDs A levels. My anxiety from...PTSD was causing huge hyper-vigilence. Every nag and question of her I knew was not helpful. But came from a trauma response (over-prepare or disaster will happen).

DH said to leave it to her..her results were hers and I could not revise/take them for her.

He was 100% right, and with therapy I am/have taken a huge step back and if the urge to go back to my old habits surfaces, I bite my tongue.or rock in the corner

She, all of us, are much happier now I have backed off.

But just to explain, the "overinvolvement" can sometimes be coming from something pretty shitty..so maybe try and be less "cool" and "smug" here on this thread?

Having uninvolved parents doesn't mean a child will have learnt independence/resilience. My parents were completely uninvolved and I still had a complete breakdown at uni and had to come home.

In the 90s my parents didn’t help me at all- didn’t know anymore than the subjects I’d chosen- and to be honest I felt overwhelmed, lonely and fairly clueless.

we all need mentorship and support. It’s not a sign of weakness. Of course some parents take it too far (and always have) but I think greater support being the norm is wonderful

I do think parents are too invested in their children’s lives. When my children were doing A Levels I knew the subjects they were taking and when exams were and we’d wish them good luck. They were encouraged to draw up a revision timetable but we certainly didn’t make them revise. We gave them autonomy. They knew they had to if they wanted to get the grades for uni and they cracked on. We’d ask how the exams went but that was that.
When the time came for uni the choice of uni was theirs. I know will people will shoot me but we didn’t attend the open days. It wasn’t we weren’t interested but it was them going not us and had to be their choice. I’ve a friend who’s a course leader for a uni and said he and other colleagues would prefer the children to come on their own without parental interference. They knew we were there to offer help and advice if they wanted it. A scenario that still stands today.

100%, I am often shocked by threads on here by people literally living as if they're the ones sitting GCSEs or A-Levels, and even worse, wading into university issues.

It's bizarre to me.