To wonder why we have more than one child?

But the experiences of people whose parents were not able to do what you did show that it is a rose tinted view. You had a great experience and I'm so happy for you that that's the case.

My parents were not able to do that for me. My sister would say it's great, and my parents are still here and all in love. But my childhood was not enhanced by having my sister and my adulthood will not be easier because she's here.

I refuse to do that to my child when I know I'm not capable of giving more than one a good life. That's in her best interest.

Because 2yos are very cute and I was gaslit into having a second and by the time the terrible 3s hit it was too late.

But actually sometimes having two is easier than one I think and sometimes it’s harder. Yesterday for example they came home from
school/nursery and spent two hours playing together in the garden without needing any adult input. The day before they spent an hour making a zoo with magnetic blocks and animal toys.

Same in the mornings, they both get up and play until adults get up. Maybe some only children will do that too but it does feel like having two relatively close in age means that they are quite happy just the two of them.

If I take one of them to soft play, they inevitably want me to join them in there. When I take both, they just disappear and I only see them when they come looking for snacks.

But then there are times where they are at each others throats, pushing and shoving, ‘she looked at me, I don’t want her looking at me!’ They’re actually pretty good together out of the house, but inside we have good days and bad.

I was a pretty happy only child, but I did rely on my mum a lot for some stuff that my kids will do together.

As someone who is very happily childfree by choice, this is the biggest thing about parenting that I will never, ever understand. I get why people have their first child, it’s normal & natural after all and people don’t know what they are letting themselves in for.

Time & again I have seen excited first-time parents transformed into stressed-out, sleep-deprived, exhausted zombies who do nothing but constantly moan about what a total nightmare having children is. The, a couple of years later they are expecting another. Then the cycle repeats but worse because they now have two.

Why? It’s the old saying about doing the same thing over & over again & expecting a different outcome being the definition of madness.

I just, wanted another. I can't really describe it. I think siblings are great but my second definitely doesn't exist just to be a sibling to my first. But then I'm (hopefully) having a third so clearly I didn't find having a second to be too much. Maybe this will be the one that tips us over the edge 😂

What a stupid thing to say. Do people who have not 'provided' their child with a sibling love their child less then?

Did you consider that not all siblings get along? Or that a sibling might have a disability or simply a personality type that diverted a disproportionate amount of your time, attention and energy away from your first?

You wanted more than one. Nothing wrong with just saying that.

I had 4 twins in the middle only 5 years between oldest and youngest. I enjoyed parenting very much and I was able to be a SAHM for a few years. I do feel I was very lucky as they were all very content none of them were velcro babies and they always got on together. I can quite understand if someones first is is very clingy and can never be put down and cries all the time would put you off having a second.

It’s my experience. 🤷‍♀️ it wasn’t always easy but we’re here, all in love, it was worth it.

That’s a very rose-tinted view.

I’m also fortunate that I find having two easier than being alone with one (so much so that no 3 is being added). Yes it’s harder when they are little and you are trying to do two bedtime and running from one to the other and back again .. and it’s harder when you’re trying to help with homework and the other one calls for help and again you’re running back and forth and feeling inadequate. But then you have so many days out or lazy days in the garden when the children just play together and you are just so, so grateful. Adult company for children just isn’t the same and there is no way I could give either of them what they get so easily from each other.

I’m always surprised when people mention how siblings gets along as adults though. I barely talk to my sibling these days but it doesn’t mean I don’t think my childhood was enriched by us being a bit of a team and me not being alone with my very serious (and a bit odd) parents. For my own children, I am glad they are sharing their childhood. Whether they are still close friends at 40 isn’t really the point.

Not just the second child. But I believe that parents who don't actually want two, but do it "because it's the right thing" will be more likely to burn out or be resentful. And that will change how they parent, how they act around their children, how the children feel.

I see it in my friend. She tries so hard to make sure DC1 doesn't feel left out she basically ignores DC2 and then complains when they act out. Every time DC2 needs something she talks about how it impacts DC1.

I saw it in my own parents. My sister "needs more" and so I got pushed out (that's how it felt at 6,7,8 etc and still to this day sometimes).

If parents don't want a second child, it is not in the interests of the first to do it anyway.

I see this is many people’s experience. Bro was useless for helping before my parents died. My sisters were brilliant we pulled together.

Imagine being brought up in a home where it's obvious the parents aren't happy or you weren't really wanted. Or for the first one going from happy, good parents to burnt out frazzled ones who regret expanding the family.
Do you honestly believe that loving caring parents who adore their child would make a second child feel unwanted?? You get burnt out from one or two or three, DH helps a lot. Love grows, the frazzled phase passes, it’s a very short time in the scheme of things.

IME having siblings is miserable when your parents age. My 2 were no help whatsoever, I may as well have been an only child for all the good they were.

But it is in the best interests of the child, if the parents don't want more children. Imagine being brought up in a home where it's obvious the parents aren't happy or you weren't really wanted. Or for the first one going from happy, good parents to burnt out frazzled ones who regret expanding the family.

You might not realise it, talking about the benefits of siblings, but kids feel it when parents aren't happy with being a parent, whether that's to one or two, or more.

I probably would have had more than my two if I had been any good at the actual giving birth thing. I’m really good at bringing them up I think. It’s just that pushing malarkey that gives me gip.
Like most other species there’s a certain biological impulse but I think we might be evolving beyond that a bit.
But we do need some people to have more than their 2.5 so they grow up and pay tax.

Choosing to have one child is absolutely fine, it is not always in the best interests of the child, it is in the best interests of the parent, as there are times when they’d like someone similar age. The pressure to keep up contact and friendship is tough outside of the home as an only child, the thoughts of the parent dying is heavier as a child, having to hang out with parents, constant activities as they’re the main focus.
Some children love it, ime most would prefer a sibling, when they notice their peers have siblings or they meet the tough kid who has many siblings. I wouldn’t say this in RL.

I'm one of three (technically four but one brother died many years ago) and I got zero help with aging parents. I ran myself into the ground caring for them, having siblings made my life harder if anything.

My childhood experiences, my mothers insistence that her sons had to come first made me decide never to have children and I've stuck to that.

So is having siblings who don't do an equal share of the care.__

So is being one of two, knowing that when they need things your sibling will not handle any of it. Or when they die, they'll need you to hold them up through it while handling all the practicalities and your own grief. Or knowing that all the things your parents current do to "support" your adult sibling will fall to you once they're gone, including financial support and things like making sure they eat properly (unwillingness to think about it, rather than anything else) or stay employed.

Siblings don't automatically make adult life easier.

That’s absolutely no reason to have a second child you don’t want.

Because being an only child is miserable when your parents age.

I love having lots of kids and would have had more if time and health were on my side. Each to their own.

I have1, I never wanted anymore. No urge, no desire, no "maybe 1 more", just a "nope, done it, not doing it again".

We had two and they were a delight. They always got on well and we were a happy family unit. We wanted four but realised that we could only afford two.

Mine are close in age, one school year apart. 15 and 16 help. But, they actually rub along ok. Yes, they have their moments, but any silliness gets shut down quickly.
The plan was to have lots of them, but I stopped at my two as they seemed enough for us.
Individually, they’re both different people, don’t look alike. I think I got lucky ☺️