To wonder why we have more than one child?

I heard something once which stuck with me
a bit. That a sibling is likely the only person who knows you your entire life. No one else can relate to you in the same way, no one else has the same house, parents, upbringing, extended family, shared experiences and life events. And they’ll know you through your whole life. No one else is really there from birth until death (give or take a few years either end) I know not all siblings get on and the choice to have only one child is perfectly valid, but I do believe the sibling relationship is a special one. The older I get, the more myself and my sibling reminisce about things from the most and share in jokes, memories and experiences that no one else could share with us. I’m not saying it’s a reason to have 2 kids, everyone makes their own choice, but above said I think this relationship is very unique

And yet many of us never seriously contemplated a second child. And many people choose not to have children. Do some of us just not have the same biological imperative to keep the human race going?

This. I never wanted children until I reached my thirties and it was like something kept tugging at me to have one. Definitely biological to keep the human race going.

I really wanted another one, simple as that really (obviously my DH agreed!)
I would have loved more but it wasn’t practical

The poster asked for reasons. That was the primary reason. I didn’t really do it for me as knew the birth would be awful, my body would suffer and I’d have probably years of no sleep.

I wouldn’t be able to manage two sets of one on one time, birthday parties, play dates, homework support, extracurriculars, school fees, sports competitions, university support, house deposits, weddings, childcare etc. in the same way I can for one.
I would love to hear how you guys see it because it’s not something you can really ask about irl.

I have 4
Didn't need childcare as I was a SAHM. No school fees.
Birthday parties weren't a problem just soft play when young. Got to a certain age didn't want parties anymore.
Homework wasn't a problem.
Only after school sports clubs in the week at primary.
2 did brownies and guides.
Secondary sorted that themselves.
No sports competitions. Only football for 1
1 went to university they had a job so they didn't really need any support
No house deposits. How many parents can afford to do that.
Haven't got to weddings yet.

Before I had a child, I always imagined having 2. I have a sister, we have a great relationship now, we also got along well as children (until we were teens!) My husband has a brother, but they have no relationship, so he only imagined having one.

It is never a guarantee that siblings will get on. We only ended up having one, but i don't regret it and never yearned for a second/third like some people do.

I had/have 2 with a very close age gap (roughly a year, both girls,) and they have both never known a life without the other, and they get on really well, and always have - apart from a year or two in their teens when they were at each others throats a bit! Now both nearly 30 and are really good mates, and in each others lives weekly. (They live half a mile apart, both about 20 miles from us in a large town...)

No regrets about having two children here.

I do know quite a number of people though. who have 2 that really don't get on, and it's almost exclusively when it's 2 boys. Girls/sisters tend to be close, and so do brothers and sisters, but in many families I know with 2 boys, the boys don't get on. (They do in some families of course, but sister-sister, and sister-brother relationships tend to get on better IME and IMO.)

l am not an only child or don’t have an only child but there is posters on this thread who have described their experiences as an only child, good and bad.
I have two friends who were only children, one has five children and another happily has none, very different experiences.

Only one child here.
Didn't want a second but my husband did - I asked him (at the time) to reduce hobby of climbing every Wednesday evening and every Sunday to every other Sunday and every other Wednesday. We did not have a second child!! 😂
When my son was young - I did ask him if he wanted a sibling, he always said NO! with quite a lot of venom.

When I say give her more, it's not about things. It's about the time and attention. That's what I was lacking after my sister came along, because she needed (still needs) it. My parents haven't had any issues giving us both money or material things and I couldn't care less about them.

Your experience is that having multiple children is never at all frazzling? I have one and some days I am done in by it all. Children in general are frazzling. And I didn't say you'd give less because of being more frazzled. I simply said they must be more work because there's more of them.

If the average birth rate had always been 2 kids per couple then we’d surely not have any population issues, either over or under. The replacement rate is 2 per couple, spacing them out over a standard generation gap.

Because that’s your experience. The amount of comments assuming people have a second because they are forced by society, or a spare sibling, not because they actually want another child. How they could give one more, theres more to life than having things.

I had three because I'm an only child and I didn't want that for my DS. It was great for us, they are adults now and get on really well and always talk about what a lovely childhood they had.

Raising a happy family has been my proudest life achievement, far more than my professional career.

Because I was an only child, and never wanted that for my children. All
though it took me 10 years for the second as I have had to have a lot of ivf for both. But actually it’s been a great age gap as I can give them both the gome
they need.

I believe that love probably does grow but time, attention, and money don’t.

If I had another the amount I have to give to my child would be diminished because it would mean having to think about being fair. I wouldn’t be able to manage two sets of one on one time, birthday parties, play dates, homework support, extracurriculars, school fees, sports competitions, university support, house deposits, weddings, childcare etc. in the same way I can for one.

I would love to hear how you guys see it because it’s not something you can really ask about irl.

I agree - there seem to be a few accepted "truths" which we need to debate and decide if they really are truths or not.

One is that we need lots of babies.

Two is we need to build lots of houses.

I don't think we need lots of babies. Needing people to wipe our bottoms when we get older is not a good enough reason to pollute our overcrowded island even more.

And I don't think we need to build lots of new houses. Although it might be worth demolishing some old housing stock and building some decent new houses. But then you have the problem of where you house people while you do that.

We had 3 years between dc 1 & 2. I found having one dc was more difficult, having to constantly entertain her. I love that they can play with each other now and Im not having to entertain the first for the rest of her life!

They are. But I think telling people they've done wrong by not having a second child they don't want is worse than assuming parents of multiples are frazzled. One can be frazzling, so two must be more, right?

But if you genuinely wanted that life, it'll be worth it. It won't be if you didn't though.

Same here.

And pregnancy isn't good for you, however many babies we are actually "meant" to produce by nature. Better to quit while you're ahead and everything is still intact "down there".

That’s tough.
I do understand your reasoning.
I mean that genuinely. You’ll have a wonderful bond with her.
The sword cuts both ways, by saying people with more than one are frazzled and can’t give their children the best is also insulting.
So instead of judging each other, assuming one choice is better than the other. It’s not, both are valid lovely choices.

Surely it's even worse having a sibling who doesn't support or help at all. That must be even more frustrating and disappointing.

As a very happy one-and-done mum I don't see why anyone wants more than 1, to me it's ideal as you get to experience being a parent but it's so much easier to have a career, time to yourself, time as a couple, hobbies, a tidy house, more money etc. and we are helping reduce the population over time, and less impact on the planet. I think too many people have a 2nd because they think they ought to, rather than actually wanting to or realising the reality.

it's not a problem. we don't need more people in the world. it's a good thing the birth rate is dropping

I’m an only child and didn’t like it so it was never a question I wanted two. But actually I find their relationship delightful. Yes they fight but they stick up for each other too, and a lot of the time they make parenting much easier- they will play together, they are less scared of new things if they have each other.

I do sometimes think I need to carve more 1:1 tome out but I have zero regrets. And having lost one parent, I’m even more grateful they have each other.