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Original poster

Husband anger issues

59 replies

Sunnyday14558 · 04/06/2026 21:32

My husband gets really angry. Most of the time he’s a god dad with a fair amount of patience. Yesterday he got some news from work which put him in a bad mood and I felt he was taking it out on the boys (2 and 4) at bedtime by generally being grumpy and lacking patience. This kept going until I said ‘please don’t take it out on the boys’ at which point he told me to (expletive) off and then threw the eldest’s favourite book so hard on the floor it broke. He then stormed off and left me with two very upset children. Today I took my sons to softplay and my eldest was being excessively aggressive towards other children (although I could have been sensitive to this given the incident last night) I confronted him about it tonight and suggested he address his anger issues to which he said if I stop making him angry then it won’t happen. I’m honestly upset and confused about what to do at this point.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnyday14558 · 04/06/2026 21:56

So is this unusual behaviour in a marriage? I.e the dad gets angry. My dad is/was very angry and I grew up in a house of arguing. I don’t want that for my kids but keep feeling somehow that parents get angry and people argue. My husband is most of the time a very good dad but there are a few behaviours, namely the anger, which I’m starting to question.

OP posts:
Petrolitis · 04/06/2026 21:54

Bet he doesnt swear at people and throw/break things at work.....

LetsSkipToNextChapter · 04/06/2026 21:52

Being grumpy and lacking patience whilst putting children to bed happens, especially after a hard day. Were the kids getting upset though and you felt the need to step in and make your comment or was his grumpiness and lack of patience just getting on your wick?

Yes, he shouldn’t have told you to f.off and thrown the book but maybe up until then he was just holding everything together.

We are allowed to be grumpy and lacking patience as long as it’s not upsetting the children.

Unpaidworkmakestheeconomytick · 04/06/2026 21:45

These are his ‘big feelings’ that he’s never learned to deal with apart from repressing them until he can’t any more.
Ask him what he’s going to do about them, do not find any solutions for him, he’s not a four year old.
Ask him for his plan and see if he’s following through. Any delaying tactics and tell him in no uncertain terms that you will not be modelling walking on eggshells to your boys, that you want them to grow up in a healthy environment. His choice: he deals with it or you walk.

bloooooberry · 04/06/2026 21:38

I’m sorry to hear about this. From my own experience it’s incredibly difficult to grow up with an angry dad. It’s something that affects me even now. He needs to deal with his issues or leave.

WeAreStillHere · 04/06/2026 21:38

Imisscoffee2021 · 04/06/2026 21:37

Telling you he won't shout and throw things if you stop making him angry seems too close to I wouldn't have hit you if youbhadnt made me etc, not saying he'd hit you but it's sailing close to thr wind with that reply he gave.

This. I’m so sorry OP.

Imisscoffee2021 · 04/06/2026 21:37

Telling you he won't shout and throw things if you stop making him angry seems too close to I wouldn't have hit you if youbhadnt made me etc, not saying he'd hit you but it's sailing close to thr wind with that reply he gave.

Toomuchadmins · 04/06/2026 21:36

This isn’t acceptable. When he’s calmer I think you need to discuss it with him. Is he under a lot of stress at the moment or is it his usual way? If he’s stressed he needs to find an outlet for it that’s not you guys; or he needs to leave.

adcde123 · 04/06/2026 21:34

you are not ‘making’ him angry. Know that 💐