To be cringed out by this (re sharing a takeaway)

I presume if he gave himself more you would be fine with that? it seems perfectly normal to me we have always done it

Hi. My ex did this. I hated it. I spoke with him about it reciently and he said he was paranoid about taking too much. It had to be even. We’ve since found out he is neurodiverse.

I’d find it hard to get worked up about this. At least he’s being fair.

I mean if we get something we king prawns I'm pretty pissed off if it looks like he has way more than me 🤣. My husband will have a bigger portion of rice and sauce/veg, but I want equal prawns, maybe I'm petty too! I wouldnt do it with lamb or chicken etc though!

Are you planning to have children with him? If so, and if he's stingy and mean generally, that's what you can expect from him as a father.

You'll see lots of posts on here from exhausted women who feel they can't do anything right.

If they’re stay at home mums, their husband complains about the financial weight on his shoulders.

If they're part time, she's told she needs to go full time.

If she's full time, then she needs to get a promotion.

In all these cases, he doesn't outline exactly how he intends to step up because what he wants is for her to do it all. The earning and most of the childcare.

Instead of seeing her and his own children as part of the same team, he views them as a separate team, and they're taking advantage of his noble self and always draining his wallet, poor soul. Those men are stingy and selfish, and will never be on anyone's side, except their own. That's why they're always counting pennies and being pedantic.

Careful you don't end up with on of those. I appreciate it's a lot to extrapolate, but these little things can tell you a lot about a man at the beginning of a relationship. He should be looking for ways to fill your cup, not watching his shoulder all the time, making sure he gets what he wants.

Also, don't listen to nonsense about being an only child. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that this could be upbringing. Things like this are an ingrained biological personality traits.

Imagine knowing that a primary memory you're likely to leave your kids once you're gone, is how tight-arsed you were in life. Does she really not care about that? It's very sad.

That’s an ick…. Sure we try to split as best we can, by eye, no counting…

I dont think it ever crossed her mind that he would divorce her, and despite some less than stellar behaviour on his part she would never divorce him. I brought shame by getting divorced!

They are in their 70's, so ain't nothing changing now!#

Oh FFS.

Why dont you just serve it out yourself instead of criticising and laughing at the poor b-stard.

If that's the extent of your problems with the relationship then count yourself lucky.

Does she not realise that being married you’re entitled to half of it all anyway? 🙈
Goodness £3 from her own child!

It’s unattractive because it lacks easygoingness, it lacks sexiness, it lacks charm

it is fair maybe

bit it seems so mean spirited maybe?

i like people who dish out more to others than themselves

And if there is not enough food you need to order more (next time)

the rule of a takeaway is that there need to be enough to have leftovers 😁😁😁

I’m not sure why he’s petty. It would seem he is trying to be fair. I would always want less on my plate than a man unless we were the same size, then it would be equal shares. Is he taller than you OP? If so I think he is being over generous with the food portioning.

Can I ask has he ever talked about marriage?

If you’ve got a kid do you not have a joint account and share wages? Especially while you’re on mat leave. It seems like the chicken is very symbolic

Oh no.....separate finances since day dot....been married over 50 years. Imagine being so terrified you might lose a few quid over your husband. She has always been a very paranoid person over money. She once hounded me for weeks when I was very ill and on minimal income over £3 she loaned me.

My father is very generous (in fairness he can afford to be) and she is happy with that. Whats his is theirs, whats her is her own.

ETA he paid for everything when we were kids (as was more usual then than it is now) so the bills, the mortgage, the car and he gave her "housekeeping". Everything she earned she kept and would only spent on the odd thing that she valued, usually one (cheap) holiday per year. And she spent the bare minimum of the housekeeping on shopping and trousered the rest. Tight isnt the word. She has £££££££ in savings, and for what?

This is what I would suspect too.

Imagine when he has to split the chicken into 3 to include a child. It’s only going to get worse.

Agree, my heart sank when she said she was on maternity leave.

I wish women wouldn't have babies with these ridiculous petty, petty men.

That seems a bit odd - they’ve been married/together that long and she sees it as he is paying?! Like surely their money is all tied up together by now!

Someone who wouldnt want me having one more piece of chicken isn't someone I would want to spend my time /life with🧐
I mean they are supposed to love you. This attitude will affect more than curry. Is he generous ever? If not he's just using u because u are meeting his needs for sex etc.

That has brought back a long buried memory. Not an ex but my mother. Also tight as a drum. She would insist on just enough on the (v v rare) occasion we got a takeaway. "No one NEEDS a whole portion we can all share" and it was never quite enough for a manual labouring man (she was an admin assistant at the time) and two growing girls, but as long as she had enough for her that was therefore enough for everyone. She was very much part of the 70s/80s contingent of women who were always "slimming". Managed to mainline a packet of biscuits most nights though, Dsis and I weren't allowed biscuits as we didnt "need" them.

They went on holiday years later with my sister and her husband and she was fucking furious that my sister and BIL insisted on ordering what they wanted (they were paying!) because it made her look stingy, dad had a ball! Now he is in charge of shopping and cooking as he retired before she did, portions are much bigger but......key thing....he is the one paying so she doesnt care as long as it doesnt cost her a penny.

I would be very happy with equal sharing. Given the chance, my DH would take far more than his fair share and not give a shit.

Sigh. As I said in my earlier post, these men don’t make good partners and fathers because they are too busy resenting what everyone else has, gets, or “takes” from them. But you’ll see soon enough, unfortunately.

Keep posting here whenever you need support.

I'd say to both just get your own and fridge half of it to have the next day. Just make sure you know whose is whose. 😉 DH and I often do this with curries as he likes spicier dishes than me.

Jesus I couldn’t be doing with this kind of crap.
Order enough so you can both take what you want and there’s no counting out of individual pieces of diced chicken.
Dh eats more than I do but we all serve ourselves from dishes in the middle of the island for a regular meal time so we can have the portion size we want.
When we get a takeaway we just get what we each want. If we both wanted the same thing we’d order 2 dishes of the same so we weren’t doing shit like this.

My dad always said one divides it abd the other one chooses which portion.

That’s where me having a much smaller appetite works !, when we get a takeaway DH will tell me to take what I want so he knows he can eat what he wants of the rest, mind you we always seem to get to much so it’s not really an issue.

my biggest gripe (and if posted about this before) is that on any meal/snack etc he always seems to get there first and will take the best looking bits, the nicest chop or the piece of cake with the big piece of chocolate on or the one I’ve decorated perfectly. Now that pisses me off.