To be cringed out by this (re sharing a takeaway)

If he can't afford enough takeaway , then don't have it- this sort of thing seems petty but will kill your respect for him- so it's very serious.

I wouldn't say so. It seems a sensible way to teach children to share and be aware of other people, and it's a quick, practical method of doing so.

Certainly I know plenty of people who grew up counting out large food items - two sausages each - who have perfectly fine table manners and share as normal. I don't think you should condemn everyone who has this habit just because of your mother in law's behaviour. She's just one person.

But if the mother is teaching children good manners and to help themselves responsibly, to start counting the food undermines that.

My partner does this too, I don't mind as being dyslexic myself one of the side effects is I'm terrible at estimating portion sizes and always end up unintentionally giving one person way more meat than the other. That, coupled with my partners perfectionist tendencies, means this is just how we do it. But his motive is more keeping things even rather than pettiness. Depends on the context of the relationship in general I guess.

I agree with you that I wouldn't do it out loud as a guest in most circumstances. (If it was close family with the same habits, or if I was supervising small children and talking them through sharing equally, I might). I think that's a different scenario from counting when it's you and your partner / family, though

I think it's very rude to count food at the host's table because it assumes there isn't enough for everyone to have a reasonable share. It implies there isn't enough to go round.

Done see the prob - least he's not being a greedy entitled bloke thinking he should have the bigger share

That seems to be a story about not sharing food equally! Presumably if daughter-in-law had counted and shared, there would have been no problem with her flatmates

I can understand that your views could be tainted by your experience of your mother in law generally, and of course only you know what she's like. But I can't see that counting or sharing equally is the problem here.

I do this when dishing up food for the family, so does my dad. He counts it all as he’s cooking so he knows how many potatoes, carrots etc each! It’s about making sure everyone has enough and a fair share rather than being stingy. I’d draw the line at getting a ruler out 😆

I’ve always wondered if I have adhd and this makes me wonder more because I just don’t see what’s weird about doing this! I mean yes if it was a packet of crisps and my husband counted them out then that would be weird but chicken in a curry I can understand

@Oftenaddled I disagree. Nobody on my side counts food and I consider it ill mannered.

MIL has form for being stingy with food and due to this, one of her daughters, in a shared house at uni, had to be spoken to for taking huge helpings at the expense of everybody else. To the point where her house mates stopped putting food on the table to share and SIL2 was served separately in advance.

MIL thought it hilarious, as did SIL2. I'd have been ashamed.

I think that's a very reasonable thing for a mother to do while her children are growing up, and I can understand why the habit might stick. We might do it with large items like roast potatoes in my large family of mathematically inclined people, but it's all perfectly polite and relaxed - four each, I'm only having three, anyone want a fifth ... Nothing to do with not having enough to go around - people often fancy a bit more or less of one particular food item.

I mentioned up thread that MIL counts food. If there are 20 roast potato pieces in the dish she will count them and if there are five people at the table, will announce " so that's four potatoes each". I find it really pass ag, an announcement that someone may be greedy and take a piggy amount. After 37 years of it, we all ignore her but there was an episode years ago when I explained there was more than enough to go around and people could take what they reasonably wanted starting with two or three and having sec9nds if they weren't full up. She responded that her kids would have wolfed the lot without thinking. I had a mouth before brain moment and blurted out, not if they had been taught good manners and there was enough on the table to fairly go round. Goodness I got a look, but it never stopped her and fwiw her table manners are dreadful.

No, it doesn’t. Plenty about me that me that probably isn’t very sexy. There’s far worse traits in a man than him scoffing too many chocolate digestives. Each to their own I suppose.

@ACR7

does that greed not give you the ick? Not very sexy, is it?

Your lucky
Mine eats so fast ,and always takes more than his share
I won't share food with him , because he's greedy and then he eats my leftovers even if I was saving them for later

I wouldnt go as far as counting out the pieces but I would try endeavour to make sure the potions looked equal. I remember my mother having to count out and measure stuff because me and my brother argued so much about who got the most

Major major ick. Why are you sharing? I understand sharing sides but surely you should just get your own mains!

OP you are having to fight to get him to pay for things for your joint child? Does this not worry you?

i count out the chicken pieces when i serve at home for me and dh

Op. I put YANBU. But, at the same time, I am neurodiverse and there is something intrinsically satisfying abour divvying up a meal in in an equal way. It brings me joy in the same way as a good spreadsheet or tidy database does.

Could he have a form of OCD? Most people would eyeball it.

But not a dealbreaker of he shares fairly.

I works have done this when my DH was alive. I wouldn't count aloud or anything, but assuming that we're talking reasonably large chunks of meat, I'd ensure that the portions were fair, which would include mentally counting.

I'm not stingy in any way.

Not a takeaway but when I cook anything with king prawns in I count them out evenly. If there is one left over I get that, chef's reward.