Asked to MC retiring boss's party after being passed over for her role

I doubt it was her decision, so you’re punishing her for something she’s,likely not responsible for. She may well have advocated hard for you to no avail.

and budgets are important, critical in fact.

Do not MC this. They will not recognise 'your vision' from your performance. They'll just see it as.......... being a good MC, a good sport, a fitting person to give the MD the send-off they 'deserve'. It won't make them change their minds, it wont change your trajectory, it wont do you any good in the eyes of the business, it wont transform your prospectives within the charity.

What it will do is make you feel a deep regret once you've done it.
Take your mum up on her offer and stay the eff away from that send-off.

Take your boss out to lunch separately.
Start working out what you want to do in a different charity/business and then make moves to leave. You've clearly gone above and beyond for the charity..........and ...........they've just accepted it without acknowledging it. So. There's only one option for you imo and that's step back, think strategically and go for the job you hoped this one would be. Take your time. Plan it well and go for it.

It's told you one thing - that you are the 'vision' person (when the board wanted a glorified accountant).......take confidence in that. Use that power of the knowledge to really go out there and find that visionary position. Good luck.

Definitely do it and show them what they are misting plus you are your bosses first choice (who didn’t make the decision) and it would be kind.

And you never know, the external
hire may fail their probation. Play the long game. Don't sulk. Be professional.

Nothing stopping you looking externally as well. As you say you are well regarded in your sector.

good luck OP.

To MC an event like that I'd have to be feeling confident, unruffled in the event of unforseen circumstances etc, not self-conscious and already wondering what people were thinking/saying about me before the night even started.

So I think unless you really feel you can style it out and smash it in front of the board- in which case yes go for it- I would decline and I would do what pps have said in terms of privately making a gift to your old boss or taking her out for lunch.

It really is tone deaf of them to ask you.

I like your mum’s idea of booking a holiday.

I would decline and suggest it is a great opportunity for the new hire to be seen by the organisation. I'd probably even suggest it's more appropriate that the new hire be the lead for the farewell as a sort of handing over of the reins.

Then I'd be looking for a new role because you are not valued where you are. You jave extensive organisation experience and knowledge and sound to be well respected and recognised externally, yet you didn'tget a role that it sounds like you were groomed for. It's time to look for new opportunities. That's a very common outcome for this situation.

Don't do it. Doesn't matter about your boss who's retiring, she will be gone and you'll never see her again. Start as you mean to go on and quietly quit, but cleverly and slowly.

Of course wish your retiring boss well, buy her a pressie etc. and then go and feck off on hols with your mother, let them have their sycophantic party. You'll get no thanks for being a martyr.

This is really tricky as the first thought is to say Don't do it and tell them why! as it sticks in the craw, after what you've been through, and they are stupid if they don't realise that. They are not stupid, they just can't be bothered.

but it could make you come across as a resentful person and you could get labelled, or gossiped about and make things trickier with the new boss.

So I'd be a bit more canny.
Unfortunately, your DM booked you a holiday on those dates so you can't so sorry.

But before you go, take old boss out for a private lunch with one or two key friends of hers and make that a great evening etc,

After that, work to your job description whilst looking for a new role.

I guarantee this is a charity. I’ve worked in a charity for the last 4 years and I’ve seen so many lazy gits who suck up to the Trustees being over promoted and others who work their butts off being passed over for promotion. It’s not fair and leads to huge staff turnover.

As the board are all going to be there, I’d do it and be very impressive - let the board see you in your element.

The quiet quitting, job description only. The new ceo might need a lot of additional help, this should not come from you, let them fail.

I’m surprised by how many people are telling you to refuse this. I’m not sure why. What happened to you definitely hurts, but it’s not unusual, this kind of thing happens all the time. I’m sure it wasn’t personal; they likely chose someone they felt was a better fit for the role.

Unless you’re planning to leave because of this, it really should be business as usual. If I were in your position, I’d keep doing the best job I could. MC-ing the event shouldn’t be a problem unless you struggle with public speaking anxiety (like I do 😩).

Nah @Idealist3 . Unless you truly feel you want to do it because it feels like the right thing as a result of your relationship with your outgoing boss then fuck them. If they don’t rate you why should you do all that work. Don’t be an arse about it, but politely decline on the basis it feels like a senior figurehead should take on that role. I’d be looking for a new role too and working to rule, but no one can hold a grudge better than me!

I'd say politely, 'It's kind of her to ask for me, but I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to do that. Try someone else'.

And like many others have said, I'd stick to only doing my job now. No extra effort, nothing but quiet professionalism and I'd be looking to get another job somewhere else.

The vision is what raises the funds and keeps the budget on track. That’s why an organisation typically has a CEO and a CFO. A CEO who focuses mainly on budget is a recipe for managed decline in my experience. And I say that as an experienced board member and board chair in the charitable sector. If the board appointed a CEO based on their understanding of the budget then they’re a conservative board showing a limited vision for the organisation imo. You’re probably better off out of it.

I wouldn’t do it. So what if you did good job of it and they all thought you were great. You’ve been doing that for years and it didn’t get you anywhere. No one wants to be seen as the reliable dependable one who always steps up but expects nothing in return.

I would talk to your boss privately and say whilst you are touched that she wanted you to do it, you’re disappointed by not getting the role and would prefer not to do it. She should understand it’s not a fair ask in the circumstances.

all the questions were about budget and not vision/strategy

The first thing I was ever taught in business studies was that a businesses primary priority is money. Money makes the world go round. Money is what makes what you want to happen, happen.

I suspect your creative skills haven't gone unnoticed but creativity is much further down the priority list to planning and budgeting, however planning an event is a wonderful endeavour to show off your creative pursuits and project management skills.

I think if I were in your shoes I would feel like the relationship with the organisation wasn't as strong as I had once believed but I would use the rejection as a constructive criticism to work on my skills in order to find an organisation that can respect my budgeting, planning AND creative portfolio.

i agree, perhaps you could
then they will know what you are really like, perhaps they asked you so that you can demonstrate your capability?

Definitely say no! And start saying no far more often too if they dont value you....

I'd use this as the first practice round of saying No, I'm not going to be able to do that, and keep practicing.

You've over extended yourself it sounds like, for years, and you're allowed to and should be able to say NO.

If you feel like you do not want to do it, don't. Time to back yourself not do what you feel is expected of you. 51 is a great age to start.

Absolutely not. The company have shown you your worth.

Stop doing overtime, going above and beyond. And Absolutely do not take on the known responsibility of the new boss whilst they bed in.

Have a nice holiday while all the leaving stuff is on! Go with your mums ideas!! Also STOP going above and beyond what your job is and what you’re being paid for. Leave on the dot every day and make sure you find another job elsewhere and leave this horrible company in the shit without you!

@Idealist3 I have been both sides of this equation. What I end up concluding is that 9 times out of 10, the candidate thinks they deserve the job while actually missing all the crucial strategic parts of it. I always thought I could do my boss's job until the times when I actually got it, then I realised all the things they did that were previously invisible to me. Steep learning cliff.

It is uo to you how you respond, but in general my view is that you can get bitter, you can get better, or you can quit. Don't do the first one. Either of the other two are acceptable. This is not real life, there is no justice, it is the corporate world. Personally, I would accept, do a fabulous job, and be quietly looking for another role. If you get one, you prove yourself right. If you don't maybe there was a reason you didn't get promoted.

I like your mum's thinking, and I'd take her up on her suggestion.

You can explain as much of your discomfort as you feel appropriate to your ex- boss privately, and honour her with a private meal out later. You don't owe her this (huge) favour.

This. I suspect they take you for granted because you do so many unpaid extras. "Good old Idealist will do it." You're basically a worker bee, in their eyes. Not a queen bee. I agree with going on vacation at the time of the event, so that you'll be unavailable, and also stop doing the unpaid extras. If there's another job elsewhere that would be a promotion for you (i.e. not with your current employer) then maybe apply for that.

The alternate approach is to do it, mainly to increase your own visibility and leadership image in the field. But still, stop doing the unpaid extras. They don't appreciate it and apparently it doesn't help you get seen as promotable.