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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to object after he assumed he and his daughter would move in?

389 replies

Trombolice · 04/06/2026 15:17

Name changed for this.

Been seeing someone for around a year and a half. This morning he casually dropped it into conversation that his daughter might have to move schools when they move. I asked where he was moving to and he said “I mean when we move in together?”

I said “who said anything about moving in together??” So he said “well not now obviously but at some point we will surely?” So I said “and where are you assuming we’ll live?”

Long story short he had it in his head that he and his daughter would be moving in to my house. His rationale is that I have “so much more space” and much more space than I need and it’s selfish to not want to share it.

I said I have no intention of having anyone live with me! He’s now gone off on a major strop saying I have too many unused bedrooms and it’s “unfair” etc

I think he has got his daughter believing they will be moving in to my house too. They live in a two bedroom house.

AIBU??

OP posts:
shuddacuddadidnt · 04/06/2026 19:33

Nordic89 · 04/06/2026 16:55

@DalmationalAnthem @YouputthetwatinKathleen
You do realise the lyrics are:
My lovers got no money, he's got his strong beliefs not trombolice 😂😂😂

Show quote history

I made the mistake of googling *MY LOVER'S GOT NO MONEY, HE'S GOT HIS @Trombolice to find out the name of the song ...

and it returned a spate of porn sites!!!!! 😬

Pedallleur · 04/06/2026 19:31

LaurieFairyCake · 04/06/2026 18:42

have you dumped him yet OP?

He will probably be threatening to dump op
Surprised he hasn't been measuring up the rooms. Bet he knows what it's worth

Tahlbias · 04/06/2026 19:29

That was a massive hint wasn't it?! 🙈 Obviously, he is planning on cocklodging 😱

YouputthetwatinKathleen · 04/06/2026 19:19

Cue, DD is so disappointed, how could you let her down?

Cue, we have already given notice to the school.

Cue, we have already given notice on our place and will be homeless if you don’t take us in.

Cue, I really didn’t think you were so selfish.

Cue, I really didn’t think you were unkind.

Cue, you’ve lied to me all this time about our future.

Cue, nobody else will want you, you [insert misogynistic slurs].

santamole · 04/06/2026 19:17

What age is the daughter? I wouldn't consider him moving in until she she has finished secondary school and is over 18. That would be fair I think. No stepmum or nanny with a fanny role either for you that way.

If the girl is 5, that's a long wait, but you would be worth it! And he wouldn't have to change her school in the meantime. Win, win.

SqueakyFromme · 04/06/2026 19:16

LaurieFairyCake · 04/06/2026 18:42

have you dumped him yet OP?

I’m guilty of needing a positive update too

SqueakyFromme · 04/06/2026 19:14

Noshowlomo · 04/06/2026 17:51

Men are cheeky little things these days aren’t they!

You are very polite 🤣

Frugalgal · 04/06/2026 19:00

Trombolice · 04/06/2026 15:17

Name changed for this.

Been seeing someone for around a year and a half. This morning he casually dropped it into conversation that his daughter might have to move schools when they move. I asked where he was moving to and he said “I mean when we move in together?”

I said “who said anything about moving in together??” So he said “well not now obviously but at some point we will surely?” So I said “and where are you assuming we’ll live?”

Long story short he had it in his head that he and his daughter would be moving in to my house. His rationale is that I have “so much more space” and much more space than I need and it’s selfish to not want to share it.

I said I have no intention of having anyone live with me! He’s now gone off on a major strop saying I have too many unused bedrooms and it’s “unfair” etc

I think he has got his daughter believing they will be moving in to my house too. They live in a two bedroom house.

AIBU??

Massive red flags here OP! Not because he assumed you'd moved in together as much as the entitlement, the fact he told his daughter before he discussed it with you and most of all the bratty strop when you didn't just go along with it

He fancies being Lord of your manor and judging by his behaviour, if you let him move in, you'll never get him out.

WeatherOrNothing · 04/06/2026 18:58

don’t let them move in. Read the other thread about dealing with that shitty child and be wise about taking anyone else child in your home

Cherriesandapples1 · 04/06/2026 18:53

rwalker · 04/06/2026 18:49

By not recoiling in horror
moving in together is natural progression of any relationship

all it needed was it’s something we need to discuss but I wouldn’t move to yours or you into mine we’d get somewhere new together

considering OP owns hers already buying together isn’t straight forward plus early days to commit to buying a house together

and if they rent together what would OP do with her original house she’d still have to pay for
there wasn’t any indication he wasn’t prepared to pay his way

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If a man had unilaterally decided he and his child was moving in with me and making me a step mother and had the audacity to call me selfish. I would also recoil in horror. Even if I would have been open to the idea in a sensible discussion. His entitlement to my property and assuming I'll be taking on his child with no discussion would make me dump him. His entitlement would only grow once he'd moved in. The strop would've completely sealed it for me. He's talked to his daughter before op. He is a massive red flag

rwalker · 04/06/2026 18:49

Cherriesandapples1 · 04/06/2026 17:44

How was she meant to handle an entitled man assuming that he's going to be living in her house she's paid for with no discussion and then calling her selfish because he's already promised his daughter it's happening and complaining she has far too big a house for just her. She bought it, she can buy as big as house as she likes
By moving in she'd become a step mother, she never agreed to that either.

Edited
Show quote history

By not recoiling in horror
moving in together is natural progression of any relationship

all it needed was it’s something we need to discuss but I wouldn’t move to yours or you into mine we’d get somewhere new together

considering OP owns hers already buying together isn’t straight forward plus early days to commit to buying a house together

and if they rent together what would OP do with her original house she’d still have to pay for
there wasn’t any indication he wasn’t prepared to pay his way

Skybluepinky · 04/06/2026 18:45

Kick him to the kerb he saw you as an answer to his housing issues.

Sunloungerhogger · 04/06/2026 18:43

Trombolice · 04/06/2026 16:36

Omg 😂 it is from that song yes but only because it was on radio when I name changed - I never twigged how ironic it was 😂😂

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GrinGrinGrin

LaurieFairyCake · 04/06/2026 18:42

have you dumped him yet OP?

WinterBlues26 · 04/06/2026 18:41

viques · 04/06/2026 18:31

No! This is a buy new locks and a ring doorbell situation! Plus a big dog and a moat filled with sharks.

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Crocodiles are better than sharks as they have better range. And maybe add a trebuchet or two? 🤔

Sensiblesal · 04/06/2026 18:39

A while back I was getting to know someone & he was asking me questions about mortgage/bills etc.

I could see the cogs turning in his head trying to work out if he was going to get a good deal. Not proud that I was actively trying to avoid/fudge his line of questioning at that point.

I don’t think he even liked me never mind found me attractive, just thought he had found somewhere cheap to live. How wrong was he 😂

DalmationalAnthem · 04/06/2026 18:37

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 04/06/2026 18:30

Cockfosters. Ask him how he thinks finances would work?

Nah, just dump him, who cares about his thoughts?

Are you going to keep dating the tantruming Tromboleece OP?

Cherriesandapples1 · 04/06/2026 18:36

Loulou4022 · 04/06/2026 18:01

Tbh thinking about living together after 1 1/2 years together isn’t unreasonable however he should have bought it up in a how do you feel about living together conversation. Is he usually a little clumsy with his conversations?

Edited

Reread the op there is nothing clumsy about calling her selfish for owning too big a home and not just accepting he'll be moving in to her house with no prior discussion and being annoyed that he'd already promised his daughter that it was happening.
It wasn't a fumble on words it was just pure entitlement that he thinks he has the right to live in her house and that op should just become his child step mother with no prior conversation, just that she should accept it's happening because he decided so, now he's stropped because she said no

viques · 04/06/2026 18:31

Raven08 · 04/06/2026 15:22

Run for the hills!

No! This is a buy new locks and a ring doorbell situation! Plus a big dog and a moat filled with sharks.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 04/06/2026 18:30

Cockfosters. Ask him how he thinks finances would work?

ThreadGuardDog · 04/06/2026 18:28

UniquePinkSwan · 04/06/2026 16:52

There is nothing wrong in assuming that in a relationship you may end up moving in together.

There are assumptions and there are cheeky fuckers. This one is the latter. Evidenced by him stomping off in a strop when OP didn’t immediately fall in with his plans.

Cherrysoup · 04/06/2026 18:14

I think it’s natural for him to consider moving in together but stropping off would make me re-think the relationship. Cheeky!

Mightymighty · 04/06/2026 18:12

ThatsMargaretyoubigot · 04/06/2026 15:22

🚨Cocklodger alert 🚨

Funny, but so true!

MyMonthlyNameChange · 04/06/2026 18:12

Crudd99 · 04/06/2026 18:04

She does get something in return...looking after his daughter, paying the mortgage, doing the cleaning ,doing the washing and having the great honour of riding his willie !

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Indeed. What an honour. How could she turn that down?!

Tablesandchairs23 · 04/06/2026 18:05

Omg he wants to live rent free be a cocklodger. Get rid of him.

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