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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to object after he assumed he and his daughter would move in?

389 replies

Trombolice · 04/06/2026 15:17

Name changed for this.

Been seeing someone for around a year and a half. This morning he casually dropped it into conversation that his daughter might have to move schools when they move. I asked where he was moving to and he said “I mean when we move in together?”

I said “who said anything about moving in together??” So he said “well not now obviously but at some point we will surely?” So I said “and where are you assuming we’ll live?”

Long story short he had it in his head that he and his daughter would be moving in to my house. His rationale is that I have “so much more space” and much more space than I need and it’s selfish to not want to share it.

I said I have no intention of having anyone live with me! He’s now gone off on a major strop saying I have too many unused bedrooms and it’s “unfair” etc

I think he has got his daughter believing they will be moving in to my house too. They live in a two bedroom house.

AIBU??

OP posts:
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 04/06/2026 20:19

Coconutter24 · 04/06/2026 19:46

Why? A lot of comments on here suggest the same but we don’t actually know what he’s bringing to the table. He might have more money than OP, he may of had every intention in paying his way. Just because he’s renting and has a daughter that doesn’t automatically make him a ‘cocklodger’ as some have described him.

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No he’s definitely a cocklodging freeloader. He’s already told his daughter they’re moving without even asking. It doesn’t matter how much he earns, he comes with child and no house of his own and he’s calling her selfish for not wanting to share - he’s entitled prick.

Cherriesandapples1 · 04/06/2026 20:08

TheHateIsNotGood · 04/06/2026 19:52

Generally people in relationships talk about things and discuss them; if it's a reasonably balanced one.

Whilst you're BF may have been assuming too much, not necessarily outrageously so, the reasonable response would be "Whoah cowboy!" (or similar depending on the words you use) and take the discussion from there.

Thinking along the lines of 'My House is Bigger then Your House' says more about you and is a little bit vulgar.

Hopefully your relationship is about more than the size of your house.

It's him who was pointing out her house was bigger than his and that she would be selfish not to be sharing that space with him and his daughter. But that makes op vulgar?

outerspacepotato · 04/06/2026 20:07

Coconutter24 · 04/06/2026 19:46

Why? A lot of comments on here suggest the same but we don’t actually know what he’s bringing to the table. He might have more money than OP, he may of had every intention in paying his way. Just because he’s renting and has a daughter that doesn’t automatically make him a ‘cocklodger’ as some have described him.

Show quote history

He told her she was selfish and unfair having too many bedrooms and he got mad when she said she had no intention of having anyone move in with her.

That pretty much has cocklodger wanting to move ve into her place and she be the bangmaidnanny written in big safety coloured letters.

Cherriesandapples1 · 04/06/2026 20:06

Coconutter24 · 04/06/2026 19:46

Why? A lot of comments on here suggest the same but we don’t actually know what he’s bringing to the table. He might have more money than OP, he may of had every intention in paying his way. Just because he’s renting and has a daughter that doesn’t automatically make him a ‘cocklodger’ as some have described him.

Show quote history

I couldn't care less if a man has more money than me. If he starts making decisions about my life and my property and strops and calls me selfish when I say no. He can fuck off

whistlesandbells · 04/06/2026 20:05

Myfluffyblanket · 04/06/2026 17:58

When I married my (now ex) husband I signed over a portion of my house to him as a demonstration of my love and commitment but insisted - vigorously - that he keep his own 'house' even though he had knocked it down and had not at that time started to rebuild. He was not happy about it.
However, once married his alcoholism restarted and accelerated to unacceptable levels. He said, " We're married now so I can do exactly as I want."
I divorced him and bought back his share; it was easier because he still had somewhere to go. He's in a nursing home now, with alcohol induced dementia and fees of £3500 pcm which I do not have to pay.
Things go tits-up, marriages fail. Protect your future and your assets.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

TheHateIsNotGood · 04/06/2026 19:52

Generally people in relationships talk about things and discuss them; if it's a reasonably balanced one.

Whilst you're BF may have been assuming too much, not necessarily outrageously so, the reasonable response would be "Whoah cowboy!" (or similar depending on the words you use) and take the discussion from there.

Thinking along the lines of 'My House is Bigger then Your House' says more about you and is a little bit vulgar.

Hopefully your relationship is about more than the size of your house.

bigboykitty · 04/06/2026 19:50

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 04/06/2026 18:30

Cockfosters. Ask him how he thinks finances would work?

I got that autocorrect too! 😂

Coconutter24 · 04/06/2026 19:46

ThisChirpyLemonUser · 04/06/2026 16:37

Please break up with him

Why? A lot of comments on here suggest the same but we don’t actually know what he’s bringing to the table. He might have more money than OP, he may of had every intention in paying his way. Just because he’s renting and has a daughter that doesn’t automatically make him a ‘cocklodger’ as some have described him.

NameChangeMay2026 · 04/06/2026 19:46

Lunde · 04/06/2026 19:43

If I was OP I'd be measuring for a new patio!

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🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 One made with quicklime cement!

NameChangeMay2026 · 04/06/2026 19:44

Tessasanderson · 04/06/2026 16:36

I voted YANBU but i do have a however.

Just because he is in rented and has a daughter doesnt mean his life is permanently on hold until he catches you up. Maybe he would like to see a future where you do live together which in my eyes there is nothing wrong with as long as you are financially protected and he pays his way accordingly.

To shoot him down and suggest there is no way in hell he and his daughter will ever share a house with you......well dont be surprised if he considers no long term future in it.

From the look of your post you have been together 1.5yrs. If you are still together in 3 or 4 years do you not entertain the thought of living together? If so i think thats a conversation for you to be having.

Relationships don't have to lead to living together. I'm never living with a man again. I'd rather go into a nunnery. Happy to be committed and have a LAT relationship, though, (Living Apart Together.)

Lunde · 04/06/2026 19:43

Pedallleur · 04/06/2026 19:31

He will probably be threatening to dump op
Surprised he hasn't been measuring up the rooms. Bet he knows what it's worth

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If I was OP I'd be measuring for a new patio!

DalmationalAnthem · 04/06/2026 19:43

shuddacuddadidnt · 04/06/2026 19:33

I made the mistake of googling *MY LOVER'S GOT NO MONEY, HE'S GOT HIS @Trombolice to find out the name of the song ...

and it returned a spate of porn sites!!!!! 😬

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It's Freed from Desire by Gala (?) from the 90s.

AIBU to object after he assumed he and his daughter would move in?
itsgettingweird · 04/06/2026 19:42

But you’re also entitled to not want anyone moving in

DirtyGertiefromno30 · 04/06/2026 19:42

Cocklodger & daughter alert !

itsgettingweird · 04/06/2026 19:41

You’ve been together 18 months.

Him thinking at some point you’ll move in together is hardly beyond the realms of normality.

Clearly his delivery and communication and discussion skills need improvement!

But at least you now know he sees a future for you both!

somanychristmaslights · 04/06/2026 19:40

Well done on standing firm and not coming on here complaining “my DP has moved in with his daughter and I hate it but I can’t say anything” 🤣

PolkaDotPorridge · 04/06/2026 19:40

Get rid.

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 04/06/2026 19:40

Cheeky bastard !

hypnovic · 04/06/2026 19:39

Hobosexual cf

NameChangeMay2026 · 04/06/2026 19:38

Of course you're not being unreasonable.

This man is very entitled. Jesus.

I think it's always best to set out at the start of a relationship what you want - and, crucially, what you're NOT up for. What your lines in the sand are.

For example, when I started seeing my current beau, I made it clear that I am never living with a man again. I also said I am never marrying again. And I reiterate that occasionally. It was my twentieth wedding anniversary yesterday (not divorced yet) and I reminded him that I'd rather be strung up by my thumbs than every marry again.

After my mum died, my dad eventually started seeing someone else. At the start, he said that he wasn't up for marrying or combining households at his age, but a committed relationship sounded good and his ideal was to be a LAT. (Living Apart Together). Worked well since they only lived ten mins' drive apart.

If you know for sure that you don't want to progress through any of the traditional markers of commitment, it does save a LOT of trouble if you're clear at the start. And reiterate occasionally. That way, they have no way of pretending they didn't know.

Otherwise, you waste a lot of time together before this incompatibility comes out.

Doubledenim305 · 04/06/2026 19:38

Lampzade · 04/06/2026 15:35

He has got it all worked out , hasn’t he ?
Free accommodation , cook , cleaner, nanny and sex on tap
The audacity

And then he will drop having to even be nice to her mask.

warmsmell · 04/06/2026 19:38

Noshowlomo · 04/06/2026 17:51

Men are cheeky little things these days aren’t they!

I know right! Whatever the fuck happened to men wanting to be the provider?

Cherriesandapples1 · 04/06/2026 19:37

Pedallleur · 04/06/2026 19:31

He will probably be threatening to dump op
Surprised he hasn't been measuring up the rooms. Bet he knows what it's worth

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Save op the job if he did

I reckon he was aiming for moving in over the school holidays and moving the child's school for the new academic year. Then it would be selfish if op didn't use her annual leave to provide some free childcare over the summer

Doubledenim305 · 04/06/2026 19:36

Error404FucksNotFound · 04/06/2026 15:20

Yanbu.
He had it all planned out, didnt he?
Was he dating you or your house?

Both.

Happyhettie · 04/06/2026 19:36

shuddacuddadidnt · 04/06/2026 19:33

I made the mistake of googling *MY LOVER'S GOT NO MONEY, HE'S GOT HIS @Trombolice to find out the name of the song ...

and it returned a spate of porn sites!!!!! 😬

Show quote history

🤣🤣🤣

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