AIBU to object after he assumed he and his daughter would move in?

A couple we know got married but still live in their own homes and happy too. Luckily they're close neighbours.

DH and I discussed this and both agreed we'd never permanently cohabit or marry if one of us died. We're both too set in our ways.

Its natural progression of a relationship, and not wanting to live together long term shows lack of commitment to me.

That's a narrow and simplistic viewpoint. It's not necessarily the natural progression of a relationship. Lots of people have a long romantic relationships without living together. It doesn't mean a lack of commitment, it can mean a person doesn't want non related people living with their kids, it could be not wanting to combine household income, there's lots of financial reasons where I am for older people not to live together. In @Trombolice 's case, her kids are grown and she doesn't want to have a teen in her space or raise her and having btdt, I don't blame her. Her bf has made it really obvious that getting he and his kid into her home was a primary motivation here. He's a cocklodger wannabe.

Throw this one back OP. He wants benefit from your hard work without sacrificing anything himself. And as you don’t want to , he’s Moody !! He is showing you who he really is … do not ignore it 🚩

This bloke isn’t going to contribute equally is he? He can’t wait to get into OPs big house with his kid. I’m sure OP has told him earlier in the relationship that she doesn’t want to live with him

He really does have a cheek to assume so much. I daresay you were happy with things as they were, both of you having your own place but getting together for good times. Many would consider that ideal, it's a pity he doesn't.

If he and his daughter share a two bedroomed house, that should be OK for them. I daresay it is what he can afford, is pleasant and manageable. You having a bigger place is just how it is and not his business, life is like that.

You're not selfish, stick to your guns.

It may be the end of relationship but he obviously wants to set up home with someone so best to finish it now.

I am sorry - for you, not him because you probably thought all was well with the status quo.

Me too...!

OP it seems to me that the big attraction of dating you is your house.

Imagine anyone being dumb enough to volunteer for the teenage years again🙄😱🤣.
Let him off.

Do you know it’s actually “he’s got his strong beliefs” 😂

It's not odd at all, lots of couples don't live together. Especially when you're both older, have your own houses and own lives.

It's not a natural progression for everyone

It's not so much the fact he's moving too fast, it's the fact that he's gone off on a major strop, muttering about your spare rooms that isn't good. He should've apologised and said that it may be later down the line when it feels right for you both, not reacted that way.
Is he the man for you?

He called you selfish for wanting to continue living as you are?! What a knob.

This is relationship ending stuff…

I would think it odd if after a year and a half of dating, I was told that my partner had no intention of living with me. I'd actually be quite upset. Its natural progression of a relationship, and not wanting to live together long term shows lack of commitment to me. I don't think he's wrong at all to be upset and hurt by your response.

However, this would usually be in a place where you both contribute equally financially.

What a charmer! How can you resist being called selfish until you give in?

He accidentally played his hand too soon and you're lucky. He thought he had it made and he's the kind that would be doing a stealth move in and you'd come home from work or something to find he and his daughter installed. He couldn't be bothered to talk about the future with you but assumed he'd be welcome to live in your home along with his almost teen daughter.

Change your locks and if you don't have a doorbell camera, get one.

Well at least the guy looks after his own kid, unlike most men who palm that responsibility off to the mothers. Like it or not that is true.

Sure the bloke sounded 'entitled' in the concise version that OP has given us; yet mostly conversations have more words, emotions and meanings than can be described so easily.

You either like the guy or you don't. You can see a future together or you don't. It's your mind to decide no one else's.

Oh wow op he’s a keeper where do these guys come from you have your own place and had your time as mum why would you be expected to start all over he obviously wants to be a cocklodger are you telling him to jog on?. I don’t blame you for not wanting this. Cheeky bugger.

Has he said what he is planning to contribute to the living situation? It is coming across like a cocklodger situation unfortunately.

Yeh, selfish isnt how you tell someone you love them and want to move in. Telling you you are selfish isnt going to endear you to him! Bonkers

Relationship ending behaviour here. To be so presumptuous and entitled and then to bully you and call you names when he can't get his way. Definitely get rid

I thought he would ask to be put on the deeds of OP's house.

@Trombolice I'm sorry you're feeling upset now.

Please hold onto the fact you made the right decision to end things with him.

So he automatically assumed he would get to live in your house?! That's utterly bonkers OP. He seems the type to expect to be written into your will or something.

There is a wankiest things your ex has done thread and I can see 'calling me selfish for wanting to live alone in my own house' would fit right in.

What a cheeky bastard!

YANBU
A big house in the middle of nowhere all to yourself.. sounds idelic, I wouldn’t want anyone moving in with me in your position either.

It's not the assumption that the relationship might progress to this someday, it's the air of resentment he clearly has about you and your larger home. Which you occupy alone. It'd give me the absolute ick.

Gold plated Thrombolice Op?