AIBU to object after he assumed he and his daughter would move in?

So now you know who he is - 'Single man seeks soul mate for long walks in the rain, pina coladas, etc. Must have own house; please send photo of the house and details of number of bedrooms and bathrooms.'

Please dump this loser.

Time to throw that one back, @Trombolice.

And for the second time today. I agree with you completely!!

Its in 30dsys only.

It's because of the partner jumping in at the end point of the discussion rather than the start of the conversation.

Most (normal) people have the "where is the relationship going?" chat - regarding marriage, living together, maintaining separate residences. Plus a chat about timescales, whether one would move in with the other or they would get a joint home together along with issues such as parenting and relationships with each others' children, finances etc etc

However, OP's partner skipped over this entirely and the first OP knew of what was going on in his head was him starting to talk about his dd moving schools when he moved in....

And when OP's reaction was negative - instead of apologising for getting a bit ahead of himself for presuming he and his 12 year old dd were just going to move in - he doubled down to call OP "selfish" and "unfair" for not "sharing". So he clearly sees himself as entitled to her property.

You know what. Fair points. Thanks all for correcting me.

He got cocky and showed his hand too early. That’s great news for you OP, as you know his intentions.

Don't let him manipulate you. I’d be seriously considering ending it.

Umm but would you not broach it in a conversation - “would you see us living together” and then expect to find somewhere where you contribute equally?!

Not just expect to encroach on the other person’s home without any discussion because they’re “sElFiSh” if you don’t, and bring a child with you to boot.

Fair point. I did see that other thread and the stepdaughter starting to say the house wriggle be hers, but I can't find it.

Most people assume they will live together or marry after a certain amount of time. Obviously not everyone wants to, but it might be best to say after a few months if you don't-yes it's your choice, but it is still an assumption most people have, and means neither of you are wasting time when you've got different goals, and things are more difficult when kids are involved.

Tell him this is the way you see your future....

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/article/2024/may/19/are-you-a-lat-couple-enjoying-living-apart-together?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

Yep!!

I would wager that as much as he likes you, he is also very attracted to your home OP.

Get him in the bin!!

It is strange to assume that when you are both mature adults with your own places and independence.

He clearly sees you (and your house) as his long term financial plan.

Op may not want marriage
She may just enjoy his company and be happy to spend time together, go on holiday, have sex and remain financially independent and living alone
She doesn't want to become step mother when she's raised her own children who are now adults and flown the nest. If that doesn't work for him, that's fine for him to leave the relationship and look for someone else who wants similar things to him. But calling op selfish and assuming he's entitled to move forward with what he wants without even considering op may not want the same, makes him an entitled arsehole

YANBU in the slightest and he has been horrendously presumptuous, but I am quite surprised that your views on co-habiting or not haven’t come up before in a relationship of a year and a half?

Because you've done it once and it can't be replicated.

Because you've children from your first marriage who won't be happy.

Because you've limited years to earn left and if the marriage fails you could be left in a financial mess.

It's his attitude. That he called her selfish and he saw her house as his right. What a horrible grabby attitude. He is bringing a stepdaughter into her house which is an incredibly difficult dynamic in a relationship to manage. He isn't bringing a property into the relationship. She's got a lot to lose and he's got a lot to gain by this arrangement. Calling her selfish and acting like it's his right is 🚨🚨🚨🚨.
Hope that helps!

Stupid question from my end. But if the end goal of this relationship is love, marriage and a true partnership "till death do us part" do you not move in?

Look I'm probably wrong. Just someone explain it to me.

This in spades.

Thank goodness you seem strong enough to put him in his place. I can understand why he had ideas about living together but his comments about you having so much space & being selfish show his true colours and motivation.

One for the bin.

🤣 yip we know what happens in the next chapter 🙃

To be fair, it won't even be a discussion. He's got a very clear picture in his mind of his future in her house with OP looking after him and his daughter.

Bin him.

Quite agree

And would you have a strop and tell your partner that they were selfish for not inviting you to move in with them? Then whinge about how unfair it was on you?!

I totally agree. And I don't see what's in it for any woman who is going from financial and living independence to becoming housekeeper/cook/step mother/step grandmother/ becoming the subject of resentment and/or expectation by virtue of living with a bloke with baggage. Why can't couples who have already been there and done that just come together for the enjoyment of each other's company from time to time, without the expectation of setting up house?