AIBU to object after he assumed he and his daughter would move in?

And the first time he mentioned it was when he said he'd have to change his daughter's school as if it was a done deal. Thats not the same as starting a reasonable discussion on living together.

Definitely wrong to presume and then call you selfish and go about the conversation that it's a given.

However after 18 months you both should have been starting to have the conversation about long term plans surely? For most people that is moving in together. If zero intention ever then you should have also been clearer.

Obviously he's being unreasonable but I don't understand how two grown ups can be in a year and a half relationship without ever having discussed future plans? If OP never wants to live with anyone, how did this not come up in conversation before?

He can strop right off! Cheeky fucker. At least he’s revealed himself and his motives.

He's clearly an amateur at this and showed his hand way too early.

His reaction speaks volumes. It is not that of a man who is disappointed that the relationship might not be going in the direction he had hoped; it is the anger of a cocklodger thwarted.

It's fair enough to ask about future plans and possibilities, not to assume, especially when a child is involved.

I agree with this, but am surprised that it hasn’t entered the conversation up until now.
In my experience it tends to happen quite early in a setting your stall out type of way. Sentences like “I’m not planning to live with anyone ever again, and certainly dependent children or young adults would be a complete No No for me”

I'm not sure if you have said how long he has been your boyfriend, op, but I would have thought 'no-cohabitating, each keeping own home', would have been made clear early on.

I do think he is wrong to make assumptions but many people do feel that living together is a natural progression, especially if you have great affection. They just do.

Whatever he now feels there is no way he should be thinking you are selfish. If anything, he is thinking selfishly.

I hope he calms down and understands, he might. If he doesn't, you don't need him.

It’s reasonable to think you might live with the person you’re dating at some point. But he shouldn’t have taken it as a given. ! It’s also v unreasonable to have a strop about it. Well he knows where he stands now you get to see how much you owning a house factors in his choice to be in a relationship with you. I wouldn’t make any promises about when his dd leaves you will let him move in . You need to see whether he loves you or the house.

Omg that one was wild was there ever a third thread?

When she leaves home he'll have the house to himself :-).

However the child is only 12, it's a long way off!

Methinks this man is on another planet.

Cocklodger.

I think you are great to stand firm, OP and let this BF know it’s not happening. He can take that information as he wants.

My DH is alive and well but I already know if anything was to happen I would never again live with a man, wouldn’t matter who they are. I can’t imagine dealing with all that again. No thank you.

I was stupid enough to be guilted into letting my boyfriend move into my home when I was younger. He deliberately gave his rental to his mother and became homeless and instead of saying 'your choice', I was manipulated into him living with me before I was ready. He turned out to be a user. No surprise. I'd be questioning your whole relationship with this person.

Love this article but have no idea what she's on about with the war rugs. I Googled them and still have no idea why an older single LAT is prone to having one.

If you don't want to marry or cohabit again, it's best to say at the start.

Totally agree. It's only odd if you're young and want to move towards marriage and kids. Many of us who are past that stage in life have no intention of ever living with a man again.

If you have a kid, it changes everything.

Never assume.

He called you selfish?? I could just about forgive the assumption you’d want to live together- in the bigger house- but he has designs upon your house. Calling you selfish!! What a grassy, greedy little toad!

I roughly feel this way myself although I think if you have a child it could take longer than a year and a half (and the middle of nowhere has lots of drawbacks for a teen!!) but I recognise not everyone feels like this and especially that in adults old enough their dc have grown up it is actually quite common to not want to live with your partner. Both are valid points of view. I really don’t feel like he’s thinking of the best life for his child though, or thinking that he will be the only one spending his life in the car taking her places. Not the ops job.

Just wondering about the 5% who thought OP was being unreasonable!

I also agree with @SidewaysOtter that moving in together is not a "natural progression" to a relationship. Many couples do not live together for reasons which suit them and their lifestyle. Living apart may be more expensive because of the outrageous way in which single people are economically raped but this is a decision for the parties involved to make together.

Lucky woman. Never mind how he's behaved as long as she knows he's graciously decided they have a future together. She's been chosen by a man!

"Lurking cocklodgers" has cheered me right up 🤣

He’s now gone off on a major strop saying I have too many unused bedrooms and it’s “unfair” etc.

My bedroom is kind of small; if you have some bigger ones can I move in too? Oh, and the cats will each need their own room too; there are three of them and I'm pretty sure that at least one snores. Thanks!!

Of course you are not being unreasonable, he is.

Of course he's angry, without a word to the Op he'd presumed he'd move him and his DC in with her, he'd save money on rent, bills and have an inhouse babysitter if he wanted to go out. If he lost part of his pensions in the divorce moving in when his DC left would give him a much more comfortable retirement too.

In the bin he goes! Not your bin though. He can’t even have the bin!