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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to object after he assumed he and his daughter would move in?

389 replies

Trombolice · 04/06/2026 15:17

Name changed for this.

Been seeing someone for around a year and a half. This morning he casually dropped it into conversation that his daughter might have to move schools when they move. I asked where he was moving to and he said “I mean when we move in together?”

I said “who said anything about moving in together??” So he said “well not now obviously but at some point we will surely?” So I said “and where are you assuming we’ll live?”

Long story short he had it in his head that he and his daughter would be moving in to my house. His rationale is that I have “so much more space” and much more space than I need and it’s selfish to not want to share it.

I said I have no intention of having anyone live with me! He’s now gone off on a major strop saying I have too many unused bedrooms and it’s “unfair” etc

I think he has got his daughter believing they will be moving in to my house too. They live in a two bedroom house.

AIBU??

OP posts:
Wheresthebeach · 04/06/2026 17:33

Oh God...how did these men cope before being able to scrounge off women?

I'd run.

Firesidechatter · 04/06/2026 17:33

UniquePinkSwan · 04/06/2026 16:52

There is nothing wrong in assuming that in a relationship you may end up moving in together.

lol did you not read the op, it wasn’t he assumes they’d live together, although if I was giving hou relationship guidance I’d explain it’s best to have that conversation not just assume. There is everything wrong with demanding to move into your partners home with your kid and saying they should share it.

think it’s clear some posters on here behave the same way as this bloke, with their eye out for the free housing.

scienceteachersarefun · 04/06/2026 17:32

Meadowfinch · 04/06/2026 17:30

Crikey, freeloader alert !! Time to drop him like a hot potato.

He was looking forward to years of mortgage-free bliss, while you wash his pants and cook his tea.

Do the school run, cook dinner, do the hoovering, look after the daughter...

Meadowfinch · 04/06/2026 17:30

Crikey, freeloader alert !! Time to drop him like a hot potato.

He was looking forward to years of mortgage-free bliss, while you wash his pants and cook his tea.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 04/06/2026 17:29

JLou08 · 04/06/2026 15:54

It sounds like this has been blown out of proportion. There's nothing strange about thinking you will end up living with someone you're in a serious relationship with, or the assumption that you would move in to the bigger house or buy another one together rather than move into the small house.

Thinking you can move your kid in, without so much as a conversation, is batshit.

DugnuttEyeBoogies · 04/06/2026 17:29

SqueakyFromme · 04/06/2026 17:04

@Dorothyperky wouldn't it be fantastic if there was an actual gallery of 'Cocklodger of the Week'

God yes. Rogues Gallery. Providing a service to women everywhere to dodge Colin the Cocklodger. Excellent idea.

Firesidechatter · 04/06/2026 17:28

Bloody hell. You’ve too many rooms and unreasonable not to share them? What a bloody free loader, wanting to move him and his kid in.

you need to bin him off.

Daisymail · 04/06/2026 17:28

I was also about to suggest Pithy's threads but I see another poster has already provided the link.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 04/06/2026 17:27

Oh god, get rid of these freeloaders.

Daisymail · 04/06/2026 17:25

Gateappreciation · 04/06/2026 16:39

He rents. - bingo!
You’re a home owner - bingo!

This!

Gillettegirl · 04/06/2026 17:25

YouputthetwatinKathleen · 04/06/2026 16:32

Just click the other box, it changes your vote. You can see the tick change.

Show quote history

Thank you! Never knew this!

TFImBackIn · 04/06/2026 17:24

Trombolice · 04/06/2026 16:28

He rents. My house is owned and significantly larger without going into too much detail. I also live in the middle of nowhere, there are no schools within walking distance. There isn’t even a shop within walking distance 😂

Well, you'll just have to buy him a car, then!

Honestly, some women are so selfish.

scienceteachersarefun · 04/06/2026 17:15

PrettyPickle · 04/06/2026 17:12

I think he has accidentally revealed his true colours and I would back away. It smacks of gross entitlement and I would be very wary of his intentions.

Hoping you may one day move in together is lovely but assuming it will all work to his advantage and to assume he brings his daughter without even discussing moving in together, let alone where, how or on what terms is a giant overstep.

It's calling her "selfish" for not automatically wanting to share her home and having all those"extra" rooms- a massive red flag.

PrettyPickle · 04/06/2026 17:12

I think he has accidentally revealed his true colours and I would back away. It smacks of gross entitlement and I would be very wary of his intentions.

Hoping you may one day move in together is lovely but assuming it will all work to his advantage and to assume he brings his daughter without even discussing moving in together, let alone where, how or on what terms is a giant overstep.

scienceteachersarefun · 04/06/2026 17:11

CruCru · 04/06/2026 17:10

I feel as though I say this quite often but no one falls in love quite as quickly as a man who could really do with a decent place to live and someone to feed / house / clothe / mind his children.

Oh, absolutely!.

CruCru · 04/06/2026 17:10

I feel as though I say this quite often but no one falls in love quite as quickly as a man who could really do with a decent place to live and someone to feed / house / clothe / mind his children.

whyohwhyisitalwayswet · 04/06/2026 17:10

I own my own house, my DP rents. We've discussed some day maybe in the future when my DC leaves home that we might move in together but he's made it clear we would need to get our own place, and i've made it clear I may never get to the point of wanting to move in with someone. This suits us fine for now. And, we've been together five years. There are lots of ways to have happy relationships - married, living together, living apart - I certainly wouldn't assume anything about next steps, especially once you've been around the block a bit. I would be upset at the presumption that your partner had, and especially the entitlement.

scienceteachersarefun · 04/06/2026 17:09

SqueakyFromme · 04/06/2026 17:04

@Dorothyperky wouldn't it be fantastic if there was an actual gallery of 'Cocklodger of the Week'

😂

Happyhettie · 04/06/2026 17:09

I was thinking the same as many posters. How nice he wants the relationship to progress and then……

WTAF? He calls you selfish and then has a strop.

His intentions are not good! And he has the audacity to call you selfish?!

He has shown his hand good and proper. Have you told him to fuck off yet? If not, you need to!

Nearly50omg · 04/06/2026 17:09

If you haven’t broken up with him for this behavior then you would be an arsehole! MAJOR red flags for his stropping as well as the assumption he would be moving into your house! GET RID!!!

Miyagi99 · 04/06/2026 17:09

Tessasanderson · 04/06/2026 16:36

I voted YANBU but i do have a however.

Just because he is in rented and has a daughter doesnt mean his life is permanently on hold until he catches you up. Maybe he would like to see a future where you do live together which in my eyes there is nothing wrong with as long as you are financially protected and he pays his way accordingly.

To shoot him down and suggest there is no way in hell he and his daughter will ever share a house with you......well dont be surprised if he considers no long term future in it.

From the look of your post you have been together 1.5yrs. If you are still together in 3 or 4 years do you not entertain the thought of living together? If so i think thats a conversation for you to be having.

She doesn’t want to live with anyone! Nothing wrong with that, I don’t either and we’ve been together over a decade.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/06/2026 17:08

Gwenna · 04/06/2026 16:51

This 😅

Show quote history

Yep.

i take it his place is small

SqueakyFromme · 04/06/2026 17:04

@Dorothyperky wouldn't it be fantastic if there was an actual gallery of 'Cocklodger of the Week'

Dorothyperky · 04/06/2026 17:02

@KaleidoscopeSmile I think it was the assumption that the bf would move in not a renting issue. He could have money in the bank for all we know, the op hasn't said. We also don't know if the DD is in his majority care.

It's the assumption and the strop which has shocked the poster. No way for a genuinely decent man ( or woman) to behave. However as a long term poster I can tell you there is a 'Cocklodger of the week ' on Mumsnet.

MyMonthlyNameChange · 04/06/2026 17:00

Dump him quick before 'his landlord decides to sell his house' and your hand is forced.

The entitlement is staggering. How very dare you have a big, lovely house and not share it with him and his child for no reason and for nothing in return!