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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to object after he assumed he and his daughter would move in?

389 replies

Trombolice · 04/06/2026 15:17

Name changed for this.

Been seeing someone for around a year and a half. This morning he casually dropped it into conversation that his daughter might have to move schools when they move. I asked where he was moving to and he said “I mean when we move in together?”

I said “who said anything about moving in together??” So he said “well not now obviously but at some point we will surely?” So I said “and where are you assuming we’ll live?”

Long story short he had it in his head that he and his daughter would be moving in to my house. His rationale is that I have “so much more space” and much more space than I need and it’s selfish to not want to share it.

I said I have no intention of having anyone live with me! He’s now gone off on a major strop saying I have too many unused bedrooms and it’s “unfair” etc

I think he has got his daughter believing they will be moving in to my house too. They live in a two bedroom house.

AIBU??

OP posts:
OneOfEachPlease · 04/06/2026 18:04

I’ve just read the thread recommended on page one or two. Humbling stuff!

Crudd99 · 04/06/2026 18:04

MyMonthlyNameChange · 04/06/2026 17:00

Dump him quick before 'his landlord decides to sell his house' and your hand is forced.

The entitlement is staggering. How very dare you have a big, lovely house and not share it with him and his child for no reason and for nothing in return!

She does get something in return...looking after his daughter, paying the mortgage, doing the cleaning ,doing the washing and having the great honour of riding his willie !

Loulou4022 · 04/06/2026 18:01

Tbh thinking about living together after 1 1/2 years together isn’t unreasonable however he should have bought it up in a how do you feel about living together conversation. Is he usually a little clumsy with his conversations?

Wheresthebeach · 04/06/2026 18:01

Oh wonderful. Free housing for him and his daughter as there's no mortgage to pay? Next he'll want put on the deeds.

Repeat...run.

Silverbirchleaf · 04/06/2026 18:00

Lunde · 04/06/2026 17:55

Sorry - but how is she supposed to handle it when he is talking about his daughter changing schools before they have even discussed living together - not to mention the presumption of having a tantrum and calling OP "selfish" for not automatically agreeing to "share" the property she'd paid for without discussion.

Show quote history

Yes, ‘moving in together’ discussions involves who moves where. Ie. Does op move to where dp lives so child doesn’t have to move schools etc, not one party unilaterally decides, but fortunately this is a hypothetical situation.

DysmalRadius · 04/06/2026 17:59

JLou08 · 04/06/2026 15:54

It sounds like this has been blown out of proportion. There's nothing strange about thinking you will end up living with someone you're in a serious relationship with, or the assumption that you would move in to the bigger house or buy another one together rather than move into the small house.

If that was the case, why wouldn't he say that when the OP was taken aback, rather than focussing on her spare bedrooms and selfishness?

Myfluffyblanket · 04/06/2026 17:58

When I married my (now ex) husband I signed over a portion of my house to him as a demonstration of my love and commitment but insisted - vigorously - that he keep his own 'house' even though he had knocked it down and had not at that time started to rebuild. He was not happy about it.
However, once married his alcoholism restarted and accelerated to unacceptable levels. He said, " We're married now so I can do exactly as I want."
I divorced him and bought back his share; it was easier because he still had somewhere to go. He's in a nursing home now, with alcohol induced dementia and fees of £3500 pcm which I do not have to pay.
Things go tits-up, marriages fail. Protect your future and your assets.

TeaCupTinsel · 04/06/2026 17:56

I have a family member who has been with their 'girlfriend' for over 20 years and they've never lived together (and don't want to). They like their own space. They stay over each other's houses often but always have their own days and time too.

It is very presumptive of him! I'd be worried he is after you for your wealth/ home.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 04/06/2026 17:55

Thatsanotherfinemess1 · 04/06/2026 17:49

sorry off topic but Is it trombolice in the song? And what even is that? I've been singing tramboline (!?) Or Tr Anne Boleyn (and I have no idea what that even means either)

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It's 'strong beliefs'...

Lunde · 04/06/2026 17:55

rwalker · 04/06/2026 17:40

It’s a complete reasonable assumption
you rightly so corrected him

but I don’t think you handled it particularly well

Sorry - but how is she supposed to handle it when he is talking about his daughter changing schools before they have even discussed living together - not to mention the presumption of having a tantrum and calling OP "selfish" for not automatically agreeing to "share" the property she'd paid for without discussion.

Noshowlomo · 04/06/2026 17:51

Men are cheeky little things these days aren’t they!

Jackiepumpkinhead · 04/06/2026 17:51

Sounds like this cock lodger was testing the waters. I’m glad you burst that bubble.

Thatsanotherfinemess1 · 04/06/2026 17:49

Trombolice · 04/06/2026 16:36

Omg 😂 it is from that song yes but only because it was on radio when I name changed - I never twigged how ironic it was 😂😂

Show quote history

sorry off topic but Is it trombolice in the song? And what even is that? I've been singing tramboline (!?) Or Tr Anne Boleyn (and I have no idea what that even means either)

Tiddlywinkly · 04/06/2026 17:46

How old is the dd?

Wre · 04/06/2026 17:46

rwalker · 04/06/2026 17:40

It’s a complete reasonable assumption
you rightly so corrected him

but I don’t think you handled it particularly well

He’s talking about changing schools without discussion.

Wre · 04/06/2026 17:45

KaleidoscopeSmile · 04/06/2026 16:53

I'm a woman and I rent - I always have done - and I'm a bit fucked off by the assumption on this thread that all renters are automatically red flags and after your house

Do you assume that you will move yourself and your dc into your partner’s home without discussing it?

I also rent and I’m not feeling that way.

Cherriesandapples1 · 04/06/2026 17:44

rwalker · 04/06/2026 17:40

It’s a complete reasonable assumption
you rightly so corrected him

but I don’t think you handled it particularly well

How was she meant to handle an entitled man assuming that he's going to be living in her house she's paid for with no discussion and then calling her selfish because he's already promised his daughter it's happening and complaining she has far too big a house for just her. She bought it, she can buy as big as house as she likes
By moving in she'd become a step mother, she never agreed to that either.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 04/06/2026 17:42

It looks like from your OP as if he does have sole custody. So you’ll be an unofficial stepmother too.

suburburban · 04/06/2026 17:42

Just no he is cheeky

bigboykitty · 04/06/2026 17:42

I'm so sorry that you found another cocklodger. The follow up comments would be the final nail in the coffin for me.

sueelleker · 04/06/2026 17:41

Larrythecatforpm · 04/06/2026 16:45

Bingo you own, he rents. He’s just after free housing & babysitting. Chuck this one back.

I agree. And he won't see why he should have to pay rent because "you own the house".

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 04/06/2026 17:41

Trombolice · 04/06/2026 16:28

He rents. My house is owned and significantly larger without going into too much detail. I also live in the middle of nowhere, there are no schools within walking distance. There isn’t even a shop within walking distance 😂

So I take it if he moves in he’ll be responsible for taking and collecting his daughter from school as well as any social activities she plans on doing. Really sounds as if he hasn’t thought this through.

I’m in a similar position as I own my own house (small) and yes I’m dating someone but I’d have to think hard about letting someone move in. My best friend has done this with her flat and it’s going well (her boyfriend is divorced with 2 teens). Where’s the daughter’s mother in this or does he have sole custody?

rwalker · 04/06/2026 17:40

It’s a complete reasonable assumption
you rightly so corrected him

but I don’t think you handled it particularly well

FinallyHere · 04/06/2026 17:38

Starseeking · 04/06/2026 17:37

No-one falls in love faster than a…

Thinks he’s got house signs in his eyes. Yours.

I’d be getting rid of him if this happened to me.

Came on to say this.

Starseeking · 04/06/2026 17:37

No-one falls in love faster than a…

Thinks he’s got house signs in his eyes. Yours.

I’d be getting rid of him if this happened to me.