AIBU to object after he assumed he and his daughter would move in?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/thirtydaysonly/5536138-dsds-new-partner-is-now-telling-dh-to-get-legal-advice-about-our-house

@MyCottageGarden Part 2 of the thread

You could end up like the poster on another thread in a few years, where his daughter will be ringing you with her new boyfriend demanding that your house is left to her as her inheritance when her dad dies so she can boot you out into the street!

School walking distance wouldn’t be a problem tho ….
You could chauffeur her to school and back 😂😂😂😂

He rents. My house is owned and significantly larger without going into too much detail. I also live in the middle of nowhere, there are no schools within walking distance. There isn’t even a shop within walking distance 😂

I’ve told him I have no intentions of living with them both. My kids have grown up and are independent, I don’t want to start again with a new teenager (she’s 12).

He’s not happy, has said again that I’m selfish etc etc until he asked “what about when she leaves home?” 🙄

Cue, DD is so disappointed, how could you let her down?

Cue, we have already given notice to the school.

Cue, we have already given notice on our place and will be homeless if you don’t take us in.

Cue, I really didn’t think you were so selfish.

Cue, I really didn’t think you were unkind.

Cue, you’ve lied to me all this time about our future.

Cue, nobody else will want you, you [insert misogynistic slurs].

Its natural progression of a relationship, and not wanting to live together long term shows lack of commitment to me.

That's a narrow and simplistic viewpoint. It's not necessarily the natural progression of a relationship. Lots of people have a long romantic relationships without living together. It doesn't mean a lack of commitment, it can mean a person doesn't want non related people living with their kids, it could be not wanting to combine household income, there's lots of financial reasons where I am for older people not to live together. In @Trombolice 's case, her kids are grown and she doesn't want to have a teen in her space or raise her and having btdt, I don't blame her. Her bf has made it really obvious that getting he and his kid into her home was a primary motivation here. He's a cocklodger wannabe.

A man who thinks you're selfish not to want to house him and his child is showing he thinks he's entitled to your assets. If that isn't a red flag, I don't know what is.

It's not unreasonable to want to live with the person you love. But that wasn't his line, was it? Luckily for you, he wasn't bright enough to sugar-coat.

It's long enough to have had the conversation, is what I'm saying - especially if there's kids involved. Especially if the OPs end of the conversation goes 'I don't ever want to live with anyone else again, so if you want a long term relationship with me you'll have to deal with that'

I don’t think a year and a half is that long, especially when you are older and have kids involved. A lot of people would not even think about introducing a new partner to their child until many months or a year of dating, to protect everyone’s feelings. Also why the rush, unlike when you’re younger and you have life goals such as buying a house together and starting a family. Later life relationships can be much more slow and relaxed, and as many posters have said, there are benefits to living apart, assuming you can afford it.

Also - whats the bet that after living together in your house for 2 years he'd break up with you and try and claim half your house? (obviously you'd protect yourself legally before he moved in but I bet he's the sort that would try . . . )

Name changed for this.

Been seeing someone for around a year and a half. This morning he casually dropped it into conversation that his daughter might have to move schools when they move. I asked where he was moving to and he said “I mean when we move in together?”

I said “who said anything about moving in together??” So he said “well not now obviously but at some point we will surely?” So I said “and where are you assuming we’ll live?”

Long story short he had it in his head that he and his daughter would be moving in to my house. His rationale is that I have “so much more space” and much more space than I need and it’s selfish to not want to share it.

I said I have no intention of having anyone live with me! He’s now gone off on a major strop saying I have too many unused bedrooms and it’s “unfair” etc

I think he has got his daughter believing they will be moving in to my house too. They live in a two bedroom house.

AIBU??

I’m surprised people think like this. Thay after 18 months it’s reasonable to make that assumption with no conversation at all on it.

im also struggling with this posters view the op is at fault for not telling him that, rather than he is at fault for making an assumption without discussing it.

especially since their is a child involved.

for clarity no you don’t assume if you’ve been with someone 18 months you will live together, nor do you assume you and your kid can move into their house. You need to discuss it.

really shocked adults don’t know this.