I broke DS tablet wwyd?

So his behaviour changed overnight when he got the tablet and once you had broken it there was a similar dramatic reversion to good behaviour and now when he uses your laptop to watch videos he is able to accept time limitations with no issues?

No four year old should have a tablet. The grandparents are at fault for buying it. OP shouldn't have smashed it but she's totally right for no longer giving her small child an addictive device.

Don't replace it and don't give them the money.
If the tablet was lost or accidentally damaged you wouldn't give them the money back so why would you now.

Certainly wouldn't give them the money. Just say it broke and you're glad as it was affecting his behaviour but thank them for the present anyway

Don't let him watch shit on YouTube, he's obviously watching pranks or similar slop and acting it out
Tv only
Laptop for bbc bitesize games, he's a good age for them

Why should she give the grandparents the money for the tablet? It belonged to @Thenonstopcleaner‘s DS, I would offer him a replacement present (not a device), maybe let him pick something out at the toy shop. You’re right, 4 does feel too young for a tablet, maybe explain that it caused a deterioration in behaviour and you’d like to wait until he’s older for him to have one and make it clear you will decide when that’ll be.

It’s not difficult to see where your son is learning his behaviour from.
You’ve behaved dreadfully. Instead of dealing with your son’s behaviour in a calm, logical and parenting manner, you lost your temper and smashed up an item that belonged to him to punish him.
You need to apologise to him and replace it whilst addressing his behaviour.

I can't understand way a anyone would buy someone else's 4 year old a mobile device without asking their parents.
If you can afford to yes offer them what it costs and put an end to it. I'd also make it clear they're not to buy him another one.

Good on you and your DH for realising it wasn't doing your DC any favours and not wanting it replaced.

So i would have removed the tablet for bad behaviour

BUT I think throwing and smashing it is completely unreasonable. You shouldnt be behaving like that, your kids shouldnt see that kinda aggression

So I wouldnt necessarily replace it but I do think DS deserves an apology

If it was out of character... which personally I don't believe it was. The child is only 4 and hasn't been parented around tablet use, apparently has had lots of outbursts recently (which are often linked to what kids see or feel in their homelife, as well as overuse of screens, the very young child was left unattended long enough to mess with paint outside and the only reason the OP is asking this question online is because the grandparents are involved. It begs the question what goes on behind closed doors.

Give them the money if they have an issue but no way would I be replacing it

What's his age?

Multi-truths here: you were wrong to smash it and you do owe him an apology, but if the dopamine rushes have been changing his behaviour then there's a good case for not replacing it.

Perhaps a compromise is you forking out the equivalent money for another activity he enjoys that won't change his behaviour. You should also explain to him why you aren't replacing it, which will help him to understand why these choices are being made.

Most humans are also kind and understanding to those who are having a tough time, which causes them to act out of character.

He's four?! I expected you to say he was much older. You need to stop comparing him to your addict brother, for a start. That's utterly unfair to a small child and will affect how you treat him even if you never mention it.

You're right that he shouldn't have unlimited access to a tablet. He also shouldn't have adults leaving him unsupervised around open tins of paint, or demonstrating that smashing other people's belongings is an acceptable thing to do if you're angry.

OK 4 is too young. Much too young for unfettered access to a tablet. Agreed.

It's also much too young to leave paint lying around and him unsupervised!

And it's still young enough for good parenting. So get yourself some parenting books, get parenting classes, look at your own childhood, see this as a line in the sand for managing a growing child's behaviour. And your own.

If you're not going to replace the tablet, put the equivalent money in DS savings account.

Perhaps 4 yo is too young for your DS to have a tablet, you will know better than us OP, but at some point you will need to embrace technology and form ground rules with using it rather than outright banning it.

Risk aware as opposed to risk adverse.

Do not replace it, I would buy child something else instead non tech or offer a nice day out, no need for kids to have iPads it’s so depressing.
I hope those judging all have perfectly parented at all times.

OP got it wrong but I bet there are plenty on here who have made mistakes with their kids. Maybe not as extreme as smashing an tablet but even so.
Young kids do not need access to phones or tablets.

You were clearly at the end of your tether. It’s over and done with. Don’t replace it and live free of the tablet-related stress.

Yes, smashing the tablet wasn't great, but you're human.
Most humans don't go around smahing things...

You'd been getting increasingly frustrated by your DS's poor behaviour and this incident was just the last straw
His poor behaviour was brought on by a lack of parenting

@Thenonstopcleaner You don’t need to replace the tablet, but you did need to apologise for how it was broken, which I see you have done.

The bigger issue isn’t the device, it’s the behaviour on both sides. Your son’s extreme reactions and your own loss of control suggest there’s more going on than screen time. You say you are not well and this was unusual for you, maybe part of the issue was your son was feeling that in you?

Removing the tablet is fine, but it’s worth looking at emotional regulation, boundaries, and supervision rather than blaming the object alone. His change in personality seems extreme and you are right to address it and allowing him access to your laptop seems a fair compromise.

The grandparents, well just explain the situation, the change in his interactions and apologise for loosing it. They were young parents once too. Maybe suggest he gets his own laptop when he is a fair bit older and its needed for school.

Yes, smashing up your child's things is pretty outrageous. Even more so when you don't seem to see it as an issue.

I think lots of posters are being too hard on you, OP. Yes, smashing the tablet wasn't great, but you're human. You'd been getting increasingly frustrated by your DS's poor behaviour and this incident was just the last straw. I know a man in his 30s who has been known to throw his PlayStation controller when he loses at Call of Duty!

I actually think you've shown a good example to your DS in that you apologised to him when you did something wrong. Can you try to look at that as a positive example to him?

If the tablet was having such a negative effect on him then I don't think it should be replaced, but maybe instead get something of equal value that is more age appropriate.

And give yourself a break. Your son won't be mentally scarred from this, it sounds like it was a complete one off for you. I suspect that if there's been such an improvement in his behaviour, you'll be feeling less stressed.

How did he get unsupervised access to paint, for long enough that he was able to paint a fence without being seen?

It sounds like supervision is the key here.

YABVU for having smashed the iPad; if you really hated it, you had options. 1) handing back to the grandparents, 2) selling it on for cash to put towards a new toy, or 3) donating to a charity. Rather than wantonly destroying an expensive item like that.

The thread is toxic? Says the person smashing a 4 year olds belongings... OK