I broke DS tablet wwyd?

Age 4 is way too young to have a tablet. I would have a chat with your ILs and say you’ll either give them the money back, or you’ll replace the tablet for him when he’s a lot older.

You do need to apologise to him and explain to him that the way you behaved was not good. Otherwise he’ll think it’s ok to smash things.

Do you know what else is depressing, to bin a new iPad that someone else could have made great use of. What a waste.

When I was a child my parents would throw things and shout a lot in temper.
As an adult now I still get very nervous trying to work out to moods of people around me to make sure everyone is ok. If I detect grumpiness or anger it really affects me.
How we parent can have long lasting effects on a child and smashing things is dreadful parenting.

It sounds like it was hardly the Fred and Rose West household, ffs...

They shouldn’t have got a 4 year old a tablet. Weird present for a four year old, especially from grandparents. If you’ve already said sorry to you child then that’s the end of it. I wouldn’t reimburse the grandparents though I’d apologise to them for smashing it - just say I’d had a rough day - but mention that from now please don’t get him anything else screen related until he’s a teenager.

How awful you had to grow up in a household like that.

Classic MN pile on. The poor OP's pretty vulnerable and at her wit's end, and the 'experts' on here proceed to trash her. No wonder this site has its own page on Reddit. This forum's a laughing stock at times.

Did they ask you if they could get him a tablet beforehand? Either way no you wont be replacing it and its not their place to tell your son otherwise

You need to parent.

Apologise to grandparents and offer the money or suggest that you could use the money to buy age appropriate toys, and get your husband to explain a tablet will not be having a tablet until you as parents decide that it's appropriate.
Explain to your son that your should not have lost your temper and damaged the tablet and normally in this situation people would apologise and replace the item that was broken, however you won't be replacing it as his behaviour wasn't good when he had the tablet. You could go on to explain that this isn't fair to him because he has not had a gift for Christmas from grandparents so maybe suggest getting some nice outdoor toys for the summer holidays instead?
However you may feel that his behaviour means that the tablet would have been forfeited due to behaviour and there for he would not have had the gift anyway. I'm inclined to think that you could position the replacement small gift is in part a reward for the improvement in behaviour, which would then show him that he's not being rewarded for poor behaviour.
Best of luck, it is very hard navigating families, gifts, expectations and tablets! Next time take the item away sooner, put it high up out of view and get outside for some fresh air, preferably without your child and give yourself a chance to calm down. Then hide the item that has caused the problem and talk to your son about managing his feelings.

So you respond to your child being out of control by smashing his tablet

ok

Op says she's very unwell, that's almost definitely the real trigger

I'd apologise for losing my temper and breaking it, because that's separate from whether he gets a new one or not. But I wouldn't necessarily replace it if you've genuinely seen a huge improvement without it and have decided it's not right for him.

A simple apology acknowledges your reaction, not the decision to remove the tablet. I certainly wouldn't feel obliged to hand the grandparents money just because they disagree with your parenting choice.

Exactly., if a 4 year old can behave perfectly watching videos on a laptop then with proper supervision he should be able to on a tablet. I wouldn't necessarily buy one, they don't need one at that age but I suspect there is far more going on than just straightforward to much tablet screen time.
A 4 year old should most definitely not be left long enough around paint to cover the garden, the kitchen and himself, but most PP seem to have glossed over that ( pun not intended)

Why was a 4 yr old left along in a garden to spread paint around?

I strongly suspect he's not closely enough supervised and wants your attention hence the behavior. Imagine breaking a 4 yr olds belongings and losing your mind at them because you didn't supervise them around paint.

This.

Some of the posts on here point toward why some children are loosing it these days.

I would replace it when something else

of a similar value or a similar value to him at least

You sound unhinged.

Throwing and smashing your son’s tablet is abusive, no matter how naughty he was. You should be fucking ashamed of yourself.

Yeesh, I thought he was going to be older!

At 4 I wouldn't be letting anyone buy him a tablet anyway, it is 100% up to the parents if they allow that sort of thing or not (we don't and any suggestion by family has been swiftly shut down). Give them the money back for it.

I something let my 5 year old watch videos on my phone and she started turning into a demon when trying to end a 'session', like a complete change of character.. I don't let her anymore, she doesn't seem to have missed it in any way.

You've answered your own question! Don't let him have it back. If feel really bad, buy a different toy?

You need to apologise , kids can see us lose it within reason but they have to see us make amends too.
in this situation you need to pay someone back, either him or the people who paid for it

You are modelling the behaviour of lashing out and damaging things when you are angry.........
Your son lashed out damaging things when angry and you did the same.
Apologise to your son and tell him what you did was wrong and unacceptable .
My guess that will do more to help him understand his behaviour was wrong and unacceptable.
You could have told your son his behaviour was wrong and that there would be consequences (eg: confiscating the tablet for a period of time) Then returning it with a request he behaves well (specifics of whats acceptable behaviour would help here.
No the tablet has been damaged by you, i would apologise to your son for your behaviour.
If you dont want your son to have a tablet i would not replace it but put the cost towards something else rather than the tablet.
Bottom line is you are the parent and you decide what happens now.

that level of extreme behaviour from a 4 year old isn't typical op, especially as it came on so quickly and stopped so quickly. I'd be worried what he was accessing and speaking to school about how he manages screen time there

Call me old fashioned but no 4 year old needs a tablet

You should ignore the posts calling you a poor parent. Rubbish! A poor parent would not be reflecting on the situation or worried about the effect of tech on their kid. Or posting on here worried about it.
Sounds like he pushed way further than anyone could stand if he bedaubed your home with paint. If it comes down to damage that's going to be more costly to rectify than an ipad.
You smashed it because you needed it out of your life and his. You'd give him ample advice and requests to limit using it. And the anger from him when removing it was a clear message something was going badly wrong. You just wanted it to stop.
The bigger long term solution of not letting him have one is fine for his age. It would clearly help all of you!
It'll be harder when he's older though.

Why don't you pay fir a new ipad and say its to be kept at grandparents' house for w hen he visits. They'll feel special for being able to spoil him with it, but even better they might get a glimpse of the struggles you've had trying to tell him eg stop now for dinner. Let them work it out for themselves.
You broke his, but so what. You are reflective of why, it is replaceable, it's just stuff that can be bought. More damaging would be to let him continue using it as described.

How you make good his painting incident is another story... 🤔