AIBU to think my DH is overreacting about my eating habits?

It’s probably the secrecy of it… like you didn’t feel comfortable to tell him. I’m prone to picking up a cheeky snack from takeaways spots, mostly after work (I finish at 12) when I’m running errands. DP knows, I’ve never kept it secret from him, just as he picks up a cheeky snack here and there. The only people that don’t always know are the kids.

“AIBU to think he's making too much of this, or would you also be bothered if your partner had been secretly eating like this for years?”

@LPLJS95 you have lied to your husband, you’re putting your health at risk.. which impacts him, you’ve been pretending you don’t know why it’s happening.. whilst secretly spending family money. Not surprised he’s upset. YABVU.

Just the forehead, pet. Get your facts straight 😂😂😂

Mad cow! I do think you can’t take that others
didn’t buy your fuckery. Hence you getting all het up :D I’ll comment when and where I want. Just like you do. Sorry (not sorry) we don’t agree.
#PumpingAway (WITH a healthy BMi, nonsmoking, super low longterm blood sugar - opposite of ALL the shit that killed my dad, is killing my mom & brother. Because I chose to take the help available.
Botox was just to rile ya up, pet. That’s just my little reward and treat to make me feel good. Also swim 5x week, run daily now etc - so exercise is grand. Veggie, occasionally vegan, & fucking do gooding volunteer at all sorts of stuff. So deffo profiling me all 7 kinds of wrong 😂😂😂
Done with ya - baiiiiii

I also note OP that in your original post you call the secret eating a ‘habit’, as if it’s something that you just do. I think it might be helpful to reframe your thinking around this. It’s not a harmless ‘habit’ like tapping your fingers subconsciously, it’s a behaviour that is a compulsive coping mechanism.
Can you identify what triggers you to go and buy the food and call it out e.g. “I’m feeling really stressed because I’ve had a hard day at work” so you know what’s driving the behaviour?

This secret eating likely gives you a dopamine hit - so it initially rewards you but then you might feel embarrassed or ashamed, hence hiding the wrappers. Could you replace the reward with something else? E.g. I’m going to go for a 5 minute walk and then, if I am genuinely hungry at the end I’ll buy the food, but hopefully, giving yourself 5 minutes to think and distract yourself you may then not want it and gradually you’re replacing food as the reward.

Also, be kind to yourself - if you do slip up, don’t think that’s it and you may as well give up and go back to the secret eating - one day at a time, like any other addiction. Good luck.

Ah pet. It’s not & you know it but I stirred your pot there :D You do you & jog on :) I survived a fuck of a lot without your opinion. It means nought to me.

I completely sympathise with your situation. I read somewhere that addiction to food is the only addiction that it is possible for someone in a caring role to have. This made a lot of sense to me - since I've become a mother I have given up so many of the things that made me mentally and physically healthy and taken on so much more stress.

Others in this situation might turn to drugs or booze to self medicate - but as a mum I turn to food. It gives me those dopamine hits while still leaving me able to function and care for children.

I've been trying to tackle my weight by finding other ways to get the dopamine. 10 mins of exercise, 20 mins of knitting, a phone call with a a friend, 15mins of gardening etc. I am slowly rediscovering things that I use to do.
I've given up weighing and measuring myself because it just made me unhappy. I am trying to put my happiness first - then I will be in a better place to calorie count and stand on the scales.

'It's the fact I'd been hiding it and acting like I had no idea why I was putting weight on' you say he doesn't make negative comments about your weight, isn't controlling about food, is supportive and is bothered by the lying by omission. So he probably feels like he's been misled and his good nature (believing you at your word) has been taken advantage of, it's kind of like if you supported and sympathised with someone who was always broke and then found out they had a gambling problem and knew exactly where their money was going.

Wonderful … because that’s the goal isn’t it 🙄

Whatever, darling. I survived the dioxine crisis in Belgium and have lived thru far FAR worse. In 10 years time I’d have had diabetes (family history is STRONG), cardiovascular disease, cancer (loads of bowel cancer in family) or a stroke. Going with what I know and doing what’s best for me!
if you’re right, meh! I ‘ll die with a wrinkle free face :D #ThankYouBotox

I think it’s probably the pretending you’ve no idea why you’ve put on weight. It’s probably quite confusing for him as to why you’ve been doing that too. Now you’ve come clean, take action. Those are not healthy habits, you need to be honest with yourself. You can’t afford to eat how you did when you’re young, we need slower release carbs, avoid quick burn carbs like sweets, cakes, pastry, chips, white rice. There are lots of things you can do, eat fresh food and veg, ditch those takeaways, you’ll save money too. Don’t panic, but do face it. You’re worth more than this.

Just to update, seen your BMI, get yourself down to the doctors and get yourself on those jabs. You’ll avoid a lot of health issues for your long-term health. Good luck xx

Either which way, 11 stone is a whole human being. Jabs or no jabs - you rock!!!

Hi OP, as a former secret eater (and I think my bmi was 54), I know how u feel - so no judgement here.

i do get that your loved ones are worried, but i do think your husband maybe didn’t handle it the best. Surely he knew you were eating more and that reaction can feed into the cycle.

I will say I went on mounjaro and it completely changed my life. Im now a healthy bmi, diabetes in remission, resting heart rate dropped massively and sleep apnea gone xx

That’s really surprising, why would you not think a morbidly obese woman who eats in secret and lies about it, would not be a problem? It’s a problem on so many levels.

She has a BMI of nearly 50 and can't stop eating, I don't think that's going to do it.

I think what he is upset about is you hiding an addiction issue from him.

Like it or not, junk food is unfortunately an addiction issue, starting with sugar.

It's quite similar to finding your partner's a functioning alcoholic behind your back. Or smokes pot. Or smokes, full stop, whie struggling with a persistent cough. Or sends money for feet pics. You don't know who they are anymore.

I think you know this isn't a healthy behaviour, why else would you hide your habit?

Your partner likely truly cares about your health and is upset that the person they love, the mother of their children, is putting themselves at risk.

Saying this as a formerly obese and unhealthy person who a few people carefully tried to nudge in the right direction, now that I'm healthy and happy, all I want to say to them is 'you should have staged a full-blown intervention when you saw what I was doing to my health'.

Maybe this is your wake-up call that eating secretly in the car is taking it a little too far.

Because she's hiding the wrappers which she considers "evidence" so that no one else will know. Doesn't sound very joyful. I personally love food but enjoy it with my family, or on my own but if I had something tasty on my lunchbreak I would tell my partner about it rather than keep it a secret.

I think that the OP has probably got the message at this point in the thread that weight loss injections are an option!

Gosh OP, I could have written every word of your post about my own relationship with food and feelings. I truly understand where you’re coming from. I have to admit I’m really shocked by the poll and the judgmental comments, I hadn’t realised it would be perceived as such a problem. I don’t think I’m in a position to help you but I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone and I completely empathise x

Can you spend the money you’re paying for snacks and takeaways on weight loss injections?

Honestly when you build a life with someone health is each others business especially when you have children. Im really not surprised he is upset, angry or disappointed. You would feel the same if you found out he was secretly drinking. You know you need to face this for your children too.