AIBU to think my DH is overreacting about my eating habits?

What are you on about, she said he’s been very supportive and asked about all the junk food stuff in her car and is upset about her lying as she’s the one who raises it to him.

either you misread the op or you twisted it to meet your narrative.

Of course she knows
She knows she has a high BMI every time she looks in the mirror,every time she buys new clothes in a bigger size ,every time she wonders if she can fit in a chair and not break it .
Every time she goes to the doctor's and hopes they don't mention her weight
Every time someone sees her eating anything remotely not salad she wonders if they will say ..should you be eating that ...
No one who is fat doesn't know it
We spend our lives in fear someone will point out the elephant in the room ...us and the fact we are fat ..we know it ,we live it ..there's no escape from it .
We are eternally greatful when we are accepted as we are and our weight is not mentioned..and that's what has upset the op ..her DH has mentioned her weight and she desperately needed him not to .
I know she didn't ask for advice on weight ,but I gave it anyway,as I understand having been in the same situation

Respectfully she started this thread very much with the impression her husband was unreasonable and overreacting
Its literally right there in the thread title!

So no, its not obvious that she ‘knows’ what you claim

And no one has ever cured their emotional eating patterns from being given a harsh 'pep talk' either.

Why are you posting this? The OP knows she's got a weight problem to deal with. You're not telling her anything she doesn't already know.

Don't kid yourself you're 'being helpful'. You're just kicking someone who is down 👏

Op knows she's got a high BMI
She knows the risks to her health
She doesn't need anything pointing out to her , because she knows it .
But knowing it ,and being able to do anything about it are two different things entirely.
With a BMI like the op has ( and like I had ,see my earlier post on this thread )
She's not going to be able to do this without help
Obesity is a disease..that is current thinking by doctors,that's why there is help available on the NHS ..it is currently,limited though to a strict criteria.
Op ..I recommend you get a doctor's appointment and ask to be referred to any help available for weight loss ..I went through tier one and tier two on NHS weight loss help ..that involved on line healthy eating courses ,I was also offered to choose from gym and free slimming world for 12 weeks ...take anything offered because it helps you move through the system..from there I got to tier three and approved for weight loss surgery..I didn't go for weight loss injections on NHS , because I knew I wouldn't meet the criteria..I had a BMI of 54 ISH ,but no other problems with my health,so I didn't meet the criteria,and it's two completely different waiting lists from the start ..so I got approved for weight loss surgery ,after 3 years on different tier pathways ...but then after being approved for weight loss surgery,I got told it would be another 5 year wait for the operation..and at BMI 54 I wasn't sure I could wait 5 years ..so I started self funding weight loss injections,and lost 12 stone in 18 months .
I made huge financial cut backs in so many areas to be able to fund them ..and it is possible to loose a lot of weight on them ,by only staying on the lower / cheaper amounts ,so 5/7 mg .
But op ,you are going to need some help from somewhere with this ..
And there is no shame in looking for help
Start with being honest with your doctor,and if they don't help ,see another doctor untill one does help x

Fat shaming? Oh give it a rest.

Perhaps if we stopped sugar coating and pandering to save people’s feelings, they’d realise the seriousness of the health risks associated with being obese.

You don’t become morbidly obese from healthy eating, a balanced diet and portion control. Unless there’s significant underlying health issues, it’s much more likely to be gluttony and a sedentary lifestyle.

It is not fat shaming to tell someone who has admitted their weight and BMI are a big problem that they are risking their health.

I currently weigh less and have a lower BMI than OP and I am at risk of diabetes and high BP from my weight. If I don't sort it, I'm risking my life.

Not using the word morbid doesn't change that. Being scared of making me ashamed doesn't change that fact.

OP is risking her life and whether you say morbidly obese or class III obesity, that fact doesn't change and advising her of this is NOT fat shaming.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6565398/

It does, and the word "morbidly" speaks to the danger to life in cases such as this.

The official terminology may have changed, but the meaning has not and sometimes the harsher words are what are needed to make someone realise the severity of the problem and the health risks.

MO is still an accurate description

Your husband is very reasonable to be concerned and question your eating patterns! Very worrying, especially with your very high BMI. I cant believe you somehow tried to paint your husband in bad light.

Sure, however you want to frame it - a BMI of 49.6 from not being able to stop eating junk in your car is awful.

OP i think you've been really brave and insightful here.

I really hope you're able to speak to your DH and work on this as a team. His support will be really helpful to you.

Have you come across Brenee Brown? She is a psychology researcher on shame. She has some great TED talks that might help with some of the feelings you are battling. She's a really good and funny speaker (google brenee brown ted).

Being kind to yourself is going to be your first step that you can then build on.

All the best 💐

Yes. Language matters funnily enough.

No, but the term has been found to be unhelpful. It adds more shame to the person and shame is associated with weight gain not weight loss in people with obesity.

Does it matter?

It’s class 111 which is morbid or severe and yes the term is used, no law was passed to say you can’t say that.

@LPLJS95 you have lots of sympathy from me. The availability & addictability of food we are surrounded by every day is far more than humans need to be healthy.

And once a person becomes more than about 15% overweight, body fat effectively becomes an extra organ within the body -one our other systems did not evolve to work with - which has its own metabolic drivers including creating hormones that make anyone feel more hungry and also less full. So that's where lots of people start losing any weight loss battle, because our whole system becomes off-kilter, so not being able to control hunger is a permanent problem.

Your poor body is now carrying around 100% more you than your skeleton & organs are designed to sustain. That will have some tremendous implications on how you feel & what you can do in everyday life.

Your body probably only needs around 1500 calories a day (from high quality nutrients with lots of vitamins, minerals, and fibre, as well as protein, carbs & a small amount of brain-healthy fats) to run your essential systems. Yet every week it is receiving several days worth of extra energy from 'undisclosed' food. It can't do anything with that except store it.

You are exactly the kind of person GLP1 drugs are likely to help the most. You're teetering on the brink of the most important part of any addiction journey - admitting you have a problem. There is so much more practical help available now with food addiction.

GLP1s, talking therapies to help work through the WHY not just the what, habit-breaking tips, activities to help people hold on to muscle mass while on an intense weight loss journey, so their bodies can function properly at the end of it.

It sounds like you have an amazing DH who would be brilliant support to have by your side if you decide it's time to tackle this. I'm sure your children want a healthy Mum who will be around to watch them grow up into adulthood & see what they do with their lives. Ask around locally to see who people say is the most supportive GP for those who have already had success in weight loss with GLP1s, and book yourself in.

Now the curtain has been pulled back, can you be brave enough to look for & accept all the help that is available to turn your health around? I'm sure you are up to the challenge, go for it!

Yeah, I don't feel embarrassed about eating anything, I need to eat and sometimes that isn't the best meal.

I only really do things like McDonald's or KFC when we're travelling, it's like road trip food. And it's absolutely acceptable, then or other times.

I can also acknowledge that sometimes I overeat and that's the main cause of me being overweight. I'm trying to address it but if while I'm doing it I eat something "bad" I will not be embarrassed because I'm eating at a meal time.

OPs problem is that she is eating it as well as main meals and then hiding it to deny to herself there's any problem. That's spilled over into hiding / lying about her eating habits , which I imagine is the main cause of her husband's upset; she knew what the problem was and pretended to him that she didn't know.

Because OP is feeling shame, embarrassment and distress about the results of the food. Generally these feelings will overpower the pleasure at some point during the weight gain process leading the person to want to stop. If they then cannot stop when they WANT to stop it is no longer a simple pleasure seeking choice and has a secondary drive.

Agree. I don’t eat McDs any more(would give me digestive gyp) but when I did I didn’t feel shame - like you it’d be once every few months and I’d enjoy it and then not think about hiding it from dh. He’d prob be with me! We’d laugh that it was shite, but we enjoyed it so who cares.
As for the OP - I agree that you need to address your disordered eating and I hope your DH can support you once he gets over the face you haven’t been honest with him.

Class III obesity. It’s not called MO anymore.

Have you considered weight loss injections OP? I would not be happy in my marriage if DH went from a healthy weight to Class III Obesity (it’s not called morbidly obese anymore). He must have been so worried thinking you had a serious condition leading to that when it was binge eating. In fact I would consider leaving in all honesty…

If your BP was high at 14 st please see a doctor. It’s almost guaranteed that your BP is in the danger zone and this needs to be addressed with medication and support. I’d also recommend adding in some seated exercise.

Thanks for that 🙄.

I think your behaviour is destructive to both your physical and psychological health ánd to your relation and your family. You obviously need help to "snap out of it" re. break this habit. You seem to have a wonderfull husband, I'm sure he'll be by your side while you tackle this. Could you maybe go to your GP and ask for help in becoming healthy again, then take it from there? I think you'll need a counselor and a dietician.