AIBU to think my DH is overreacting about my eating habits?

Sorry but I don’t think he’s over reacting at all. He’s probably been really worried as there are health problems that can cause weight gain and you have been lying because you have been well aware of what’s causing it. I think if you found out your DH had been spending an equal amount of money gambling, you’d probably be angry. So it’s all this stuff he’s found out all at once. I think you just need to apologise and try and figure out why you’ve been doing it.

I think you have been lying to yourself over the seriousness/ amount and thus, been lying to your husband but not intentionally. It’s a good job he’s found out now to save your health and finances. Don’t you want to change? For your own health and wellbeing?

I'm about 5.5 stone lighter and 4 inches taller than you, if I was 19 stone my husband WOULD be worried. I can imagine that happening though if I let binging episodes carry on unaddressed. Find counselling. See you GP. You really need some help with this.

I car eat, I tend to buy family bags of crisps, it's always when overstretched, stressed and it's like I'm replacing rest with food on a bid to find relaxation.

My husband hates it, understandably, but because he knows I'm unhappy about it. I also hate the cost as I'm sure do you. Counselling helps. Rest helps. I am in a bad cycle past 2/3 weeks but taking steps to stop

I mean there’s no way to say this kindly but I am literally your height, your age, and also have two children.
I weigh half of what you do. And I am still not happy with my size and think there’s more I need to work on.

Your Husband is clearly very concerned about what can only be described as very disordered and secretive eating.

I hope you can get some help and support in feeling better soon.

@BuildbyNumbere of course we know about the side effects. They are written in the leaflet that comes with the medication! And you are told about them before it’s prescribed. If you are obese then the risks of side effects are significantly outweighed by the benefits of losing the weight. That’s why these medications were approved in the UK by the MHRA for treating obesity. No one can predict what any medication might do to people in the long term, but we can certainly say that there are no significant or major risks that have become apparent over the last 10 to 15 years that these medications have been used that have necessitated them being withdrawn or only used for very specific situations. Quite the opposite in fact.

it might surprise you to realise that you can exercise whilst taking WLI, which is what I have been doing for the past two years whilst I’ve lost the weight. 22st down to 10st 12. How anyone can find this a problematic thing for me to have done is baffling!

Secret eating is disordered eating OP.

I won’t comment on your weight and BMI because you’ve had it from a lot of posters.

I will say that I’ve been there with secret eating and it isn’t normal or healthy behaviour. It took me a very long time to unlearn this and realise there shouldn’t be any shame attached to food. Food is what fuels our body. Eating in secret and then hiding the evidence is a clear sign of an eating disorder. Your husband is right to be concerned.

sorry you’re going through this OP. Weight and eating habits always brings out the vultures on Mumsnet who all are apparently in the peak of health and fitness themselves. I think regardless of your DH’s reaction, you sound unhappy and that your eating habits are like coming from a place of unhappiness. You can of course tackle your weight however you see fit, but it would be worth digging a bit deeper and asking yourself when this started and what gap you were trying to fill.

When I was a young teenager I started being bullied at school out of absolutely nowhere and found solace in the school vending machine - it was a pick me up and a treat and something that made momentarily feel better about things. It wasn’t really a fix though. And what you are doing sounds similar. Be kind to yourself and perhaps look into some therapy to give yourself a chance to understand yourself a bit better without the shame.

Pumping yourself full of drugs when you have no proper idea of the side effects or what it’s going to do to you long term is never the answer … this medication wasn’t meant for weight loss anyway … put the money in to joining a gym and stop looking for the easy fix!

But actually you are trying to minimise your problem OP…… this is what you tell us as a starter.

DH and I eat pretty normally at home, we have family meals together, don't live on takeaways etc,

So your DH husband feels not only deceived by you being so underhand, but probably extremely worried about your mental health as you try to lessen your accountability. He’s in shock to have discovered the truth.

I would try to reach a new level of openness with him and also reassure him that you will seek professional help to unravel why this problem started for you.
Hope you can sort it. Good luck OP !

You have developed an addiction and it's killing you. No different to if you were hiding bottles of alcohol and only having a couple of glasses when he's around. It will kill you just as surely as booze would. Your BMI is absolutely terrible for your health.

You have a serious problem and you need to act accordingly. I'm not surprised your husband is upset. He's looking at a future without you a few years down the line. There are 200 diseases associated with obesity.

Get to the doctors ASAP. You are a perfect candidate for weight loss jabs although you'll probably have to pay. They'll stop you craving rubbish and you'll be able to take yourself in hand before it's too late.

You may need to ask yourself whether you're self medicating with food and what hole you are trying to fill with all that crap.

You have an eating disorder and he is worried. YABU

@BuildbyNumbere it’s a prescription medication not “crap”. Are there any other prescription meds that you think of as “crap”? The OP has a BMI in the morbidly obese range. Getting her weight down is an urgent issue, which WLI are designed to address. Maintenance is an issue however you lose the weight, and with WLI she has a very good chance of getting to a healthy weight. All of which is a massive win. Not to mention the other health benefits that WLI bring alongside the weight loss.

I understand why you been secretive about it from what you’ve said but I understand why your husband reacted like he did. If my husband was gaining weight but eating more or less the same meals as me I would be worried that there was some sort of health issue. If I then found out that he’d actually been secretly eating rubbish and hiding it I would be annoyed. Not at the eating but at the lying when I’m there worrying about why he’s putting on so much weight and why he can’t lose it. There’s more to this than what’s on the face of it. I think you need to sit down and talk to your husband, apologise for lying and take accountability for that being wrong and explain how you are feeling, why you have been doing it and what the plan should be going forward. allow your husband to explain how he feels too. If he’s supportive then you have that support to become a healthier version of yourself. Ask yourself are you binge eating or is it that you’ve seen it and you want it so you get it and eat it because that would be more of a self control thing than a disorder. Losing weight is hard. You have to be in the right mindset and really want to do it. You have to be disciplined and expect to take the rough with the smooth but once you start reaching goals you get inspired and it spurs you on. Take the support from your husband and work on being a healthier YOU because that then makes you a healthier wife and more importantly and healthier mum

Oh God 🙄 yeah because pumping yourself full of that crap is the answer … they put it all back on as soon as you stop!

Agree. He's right, you have been lying. I'd be very annoyed if I were him tbh.

Hi op. I’ve not rtft, but I have read all your posts. I imagine your DH is mostly worried sick about your health.

Firstly, I think you need to get to your GP ASAP. If you’re too embarrassed to make an appointment then I’d email them first explaining the situation (Obviously that depends of how your practice works, ours responds quickly to emails and other messages, but when DD was in London, her GP didn’t accept emails). As others have already said, at a BMI that high, as well as a raised BP, you’re also at risk of developing diabetes.

I’m not medically trained, but it would seem sensible to me initially to start you on weight loss injections. This would help you drop the weight, but obviously wouldn’t help with the reasons you have been overeating, so it would probably be advisable to get some therapy to untangle that.

Speak to your DH op. You will need his support and understanding with this. One other question, is he overweight too?

Wishing you well op.

Why would you not want to though?

You said you don't want the lectures... why would your partner lecture you?

This isn’t about enjoying of food … it’s about secret binge eating 🙄 read the thread.

Having just read your updates @LPLJS95 please, please go to the Doctor and be honest with them about your eating.

High blood pressure is so dangerous.

Please sort this, don't deprive your husband and children of having you in their lives.

My dh used to do this and can occasionally do it still now. I would find hidden wrappers in random places, he would lie about what he ate, and he proceeded to become morbidly obese. Obviously I was worried about his health but it took me a long time to recognise that the lying was not about me at all but about his shame. I think it will take your husband time to get around this too and you need to accept that. The problem with the lies also is my mind went to the if he is lying about this what else is he lying about place.
I would suggest you proactively get some help, probably via therapy as it isn't for people to change habits like this and there might be an underlying reason you are doing this. My dh couldn't change without therapy and even now I occasionally find a hidden wrapper but have learnt to just ask him to try and put it in the bin rather than lie.

He’s been supportive but you have been lying to him … I’d say that’s rather unfair.

I’m sorry OP but you are pretending to him that you are eating healthily while secretly eating yourself to death. At your BMI he is probably scared shitless!
Can you really not understand why that would be a huge deal to someone who loves you?

What I don’t get is if someone has a really high BMI then surely they are spending way more than the 300 quid for mounjaro so why not just do that instead? Maybe I’m missing something

Aww op, I feel for you. I'm assuming you didn't think it was that much of a big deal? If you did the wrappers and stuff wouldn't have been there. I was bad at it myself, never hid it from anyone. The proof was in the.pudding (me being the pudding) I didn't think it was to bad until I piled on 3 stone what feels like over night! Did I winge about it knowing the cause? Of course I did lol. I'm now 5 stone down and I haven't looked back, your husband his hurt by the denial you have been in
Have an honest conversation, you can sort this and your eating habits. I wish you the best of luck