Having dead parents is not a personality trait….

Yes agree. I know some people who applied for Masterchef Sri Lanka and the producers kept going round auditionees in circles for days on end before picking their final 20.

I had similar. Not from one of the "queue up outside a warehouse" shows but one that bills itself as more classy. It is not. I dropped out in the end. I do have a "story" - I mean, I know we all do, but I had one they obviously wanted to use when in fact I would rather they didn't. I would have been happy for them to focus on what I could actually do, which I was proud of, but they were less interested in that. It was pretty bruising all round and I ended up doubting my abilities, questioning if people in everyday life also saw me as a victim etc.

No one wins when TV is like this. But it seems to be a formula that works in terms of viewing figures.

I really dislike it as well. Im not diminishing the awful trauma that some people have been through, (as foster carers we see this side of life) and yes ofcourse it does affect your life BUT I watch and just thinking its not needed and the cynic in me thinks 'getting the votes'.
Personally the only 'reality show i now watch is strictly because I find the others so scripted and fake. And as a pp said I know of someone who tried for BGT and they wanted to 'know their story' before they'd performed.

I've just binge watched Race Across the World and I skip through all of the backstory and navel gazing bits.

I'm sure there is a market for a streaming service that edits all of that out of TV programmes.

At best, it's a lazy way of bulking out shows. At worst, it's exploitative.

I am of course sympathetic to the trauma of others, but these are strangers who don't actually need my sympathy and would never know they've got it. They just need to get on and do whatever the core of the programme is.

My mum died when I was very small, it massively impacted my life but it’s not something I would use as a TV show sob story. Also - I don’t remember her, I can’t claim she gave me a love of cooking or whatever. It’s ghoulish using people like this imo.

Yes, you’re right. I imagine the production team poking and prodding the issue will have made that happen.

It isn’t the contestants in these shows performing most of the time, they’re told to do it.

You never know why he's feeling more fragile at that moment. I think that just because some people are uncomfortable with emotions and grief, especially from men unfortunately, doesn't mean everyone else has to hide it.

When I was at uni I made friends with 3 other girls and we had all lost a parent. We wittily called ourselves the dead parents society and are still good mates 25 years later. Not connected to your thread sorry but it just reminded me.

Of course I can understand why it’s awful to lose your mum at 2. But being in absolute bits 40 years later when asked about it during filming for a show you’ve chosen to go on, nah. It’s because the producers want a story, performative

I always tell my kids they are screwed if they go on any of these shows.

Like what is your sob story? A healthy, happy home. Two parents who adore you, your brother, and each other. Warm house, good food in your tummy, quality shoes on feet, good schooling and support, nice leafy neighbourhood, and lots of fun times?

I mean we did once run out of persian feta for avocado toast, so they could lead with that I guess.

But otherwise they got nuffin...

Whenever I watch any reality show, DH and I always place bets about how long it will take someone to play the dead nan card 😂

We always used to discuss what elaborate story we'd make up to get something repaired on the repair shop. It didn't seem like "it's spent 50 years in the loft and we have no idea where it originally came from" would cut it

And I'm not talking about the genuinely impactful dances, like Rose Ayling Ellis's dance where the music goes silent partway through.

It's the same even in Strictly, the most light hearted of light entertainment shows. There are always a couple of episodes near the end where people do a heartbreaking dance in memory of their dead nan or whatever. It becomes a bit predictable and formulaic (and obviously they hope it's a vote winner).

Totally agree. You feel it all the time.

Grief at not knowing your Mum. Grief she isn't there to share milestone events. Grief she doesn't get to see you be on My Kitchen Rules let alone if you succeed.

Both my parents are alive but I can understand that losing them so young, even if you were too young to remember it, does leave a mark forever.

Really? You genuinely can't think about why losing your mum aged 2 would be an immense trauma that could affect you adversely for the rest of your life?

Surely we aren't at a point where we're telling actual toddlers to 'man up' and shut up and get over it?

Would you say the same about a toddler who was abused: that they were very young, so it's no biggie?

Yeah, tell that to Bruce Wayne.

Not a personality trait but loss can shape your personality. I don't think it's bad to acknowledge this but it doesn't have to be hammered all the time.

I don't even tell people I've lost a child to illness in their teens. It has a huge impact on my personality and life, but I don't want people to define me through it.

Worked for Batman.

@aperolspritzbasicbitch My first post was a jokey one, but never mind.

@MrsAvocet Yes, 'misery porn' is a crowd pleaser.

A friend of my DC went to the auditions of one of the big talent programmes when he was in his teens. He said that the staff that were collecting information from the contestants in the waiting area asked "what's your story" before they even wanted to know what he was going to perform. And they almost tried to encourage him to make up a tragic backstory, asking things like "are you sure you've never been bullied?" He said he knew before he went on stage that he was wasting his time as a middle class boy with a straightforward supportive family wasn't tv worthy enough. I'm sure it's the same on a lot of shows as the producers want the audience to feel sympathetic to particular people to make them more commited to watching future episodes.

I do wonder if contestants are more likely to get onto these reality shows if they have a sob story. Was watching master chef on catch up and everyone seemed to have a deceased relative who was dearly missed and had taught them to cook. Bored with it tbh. Just get on and cook!