AIBU to feel angry about my husband's £1000 a month car?

Warhamner player who drives a flash car. Your DH must be Henry Cavill!

It was me that said that, and OP has made it very clear that they have seperate finances so has no say over his spare money, so it is not that she sees it as "ours" because it isnt. I was referring to the fact that the house is majority paid for by her which she said is legally protected, and suggested that she should double check that.

I dont know why are so determined to paint @Tunaturner as some money crazed gold digger when its clear that he wouldnt have this money to spaff on a car if they were paying a full mortgage on their house!

ETA at no point has she said that he cant do it, but she does have the right to feel that it is a total waste of money that could be used for better things to benefit everyone, as she does with her money.

It sounds like you have some resentment over paying for a larger portion of the house deposit and also still contributing towards the mortgage. Which on the face of it he is unfairly benefiting from.

But what is your pension like in comparison to his? Especially if you’re saying you’ll get a share of it if you divorce but your contribution to the house deposit is protected.

I agree with this as well. We keep separate money with joint for household and we always discuss big purchases.

We have two cars each £1k pm. We both like nice cars.

What would be seen as an acceptable amount to spend on a car - without being seen as too flashy, or too tight. I need a need car but go between “you have kids keep your 18 year old wreck of a car as long as possible” and “you work hard treat yourself”

Sounds like a mid-life crisis. Men often see their cars as an extension of their dicks, don't they?

She wrote “I would be keeping my eyes and ears open and double checking that my finances are locked down” which is explicitly talking about making sure that he can’t access her money.

So yes, very much a case of “what’s mine is mine, but what’s yours really should not be treated as yours.”

You can’t agree that you each have your own spending money then act like this when one of you spends it on what they want.

It’s not. I remember in my 20s being really put off by a guy also my age with a BMW. It seemed showy, like he was trying to be flashy and impress, and like he wasn’t responsible with money. All the above proved correct.
Fast forward to now and I drive a BMW - but the difference is I can afford it, I’m not on the comparatively low income I was on in my 20s, and I’m not trying to pull birds with it!

Warhammer is more expensive than you think ask him how many tiny pots he's bought at what price...

But his is less than half yours. If I earned 21k a month I would be driving an Aston Martin! But I dont, and neither does he.

Presumably they do their washing in the nude?!

My take home pay is just short of 21k a month. I’d be happy to pay 1k a month on a car.

Average is 15% of net salary in the UK so knocking on 30% of gross.

Not saying it's right but some people see wasting out as a waste. I know someone that says having more than one outfit is a waste

At least £140K basic plus decent benefits I think. At least for me that’s the level
where I don’t feel justified in refusing antisocial hours, travel etc. I’m on a bit less than that now and I protect my own time a lot more.
Personally although then you could comfortably afford the car, I wouldn’t. I’d put extra in my pension.

I suppose two things can be true at once.

1. £1000 per month is too much for a car

1. Cars are not a waste of money if it's one's passion. I work hard for nice fast cars. Not for a nicer house. Not for my family. I got a job in the first place for a fast car and it's my entire motivation every day.

Thats not what @Tunaturner said or what I said.

She isnt pissed off at him spending his money on himself, she just dislikes what she sees as a massive waste of money. Frankly I agree that 10% of gross salary per month on a car is ridiculous, but she hasnt kicked off about it and nothing suggests that she is going to.

ETA re-reading OP's posts she focusses on things that are to the net benefit of the family....nice home, a new bathroom (on of her examples) but he focusses on himself. Its shows that his focus is inwards and hers it outward, which very often happens in families to the detriment of the wife and kids. Dont forget that the reason they have very little mortgage is due to her money, not his.

So be angry that his finances are used on him while simultaneously ensuring that hers are only used on her?

But they have both chosen to have some money for themselves, and it’s his own spending money going on this.

There’s a suggestion in some posts here that he has no right to use his own spending money on what he wants.

I’d not be at all happy if my husband was angry at me spending my own money on something nice but that he felt was frivolous.

Yeah this is the thing.....I smell a mid life crisis. I am not saying that the next thing that usually happens will definitely happen but I would be keeping my eyes and ears open and double checking that my finances are locked down.

I agree, that’s profligate unless he’s on mega money, the mortgage is paid off, your pension provision is up to date and ISA allowances used up ie there’s really nothing else more important to spend it on.

A new, reasonably nice family car can cost £60,000 nowadays, and will possibly lose half that over three years, so that’s £830 a month already. Some leases also include the insurance and servicing.

I think you are being unreasonable to begrudge him using his own spending money on something that makes him happy.

My husband likes cars too, and has come home with some quite expensive ones in the past, but that’s part of why he works so hard in a stressful job; to be able to have nice things.

Tbf, my OH is very wealthy

small sums he really hates, so your punnet of strawberries, a coffee when out somewhere (never in the 20 years we’ve been together) or heating a hot tub (or our equivalent) = grumbles

deciding to do big works on house/garden etc/buy cars… a breeze.

it’s weird.

@Tunaturner yours does perhaps seem a bit more selfish tho. My OH barely spends money on himself

I suspect there will be more info to drip feed etc so I could be on the wrong track perhaps

I have a car leased with car allowance from my employer and would take a very dim view if my husband tried to control what car I get.

I absolutely love having a car through the work scheme, after a history of shitty cars that would always break down at inopportune moments, or bring unexpected costs when the car would go through their MOT. That peace of mind means a lot to me, especially as I regularly make long journeys in it.

My car allowance from work is close to £1000/month. On a lease car, by the time it covers insurance, tax, service and maintenance, it does not go as far as you think.

I opted out a few years back and put the cash in my pension ( and drive a 20 year old banger), but for those who choose to salary sacrifice (or use car allowance), it is a tax efficient way for high earners to have a much nicer car than they otherwise might. My husband has done this, so we have one 'flashy' car and one banger. We both drive either, so we both benefit.