AIBU to feel angry about my husband's £1000 a month car?

I struggle with the concept of anyone jyst wanting to gift £25k to the banks & have nothing to show for it, when there's an entirely reasonable way to have a decent car AND 25 grand in your own pocket!

I mean, obviously there are plenty of people that prioritise having something for show for 3 years and empty pockets at the end of it. But if he could actually afford one, he'd buy one instead of leasing one. Leasing one is just throwing money away in my opinion.

But hey, that's why the banks do so well, right?

I think you're spending too much time and energy worrying about his car. He can afford it and it makes him happy. Move on!

He’s putting £40k per year into his pension. Unless he’s only very recently started contributing, that means he’ll likely have a £2M+ pension pot at retirement, giving him at least £80-£100k per year in retirement.

I don’t think he’s going to be that fussed about £25k for a car at retirement.

Why can’t he enjoy the proceeds of his hard work now?

That isn't always the case. We always used to buy our cars, but dh's is now a lease through work as it worked out a much better deal and means that money that would have been spent on tax just goes towards the car instead.

Would piss me off too, but mainly because I think people who get contract hire cars are complete mugs. Just chucking money away with nothing to securitize. I bought our car as a 1year used car outright 8 years ago, and we'll drive it another 8 years. Why would I actively participate in crystallising depreciation? I don't really want people to know how much money we have.

You can do both. I enjoy my cars and I also give significant money to charity. All depends on income.

If @Tunaturner's DH spent half as much on the car lease & put it into the mortgage/savings account instead, n the end he'd have over £25k to buy a car outright for retirement. Rather than 3 years of fancy car, then nothing to show for it but a few photos.

Yes, obviously everyone has different priorities. But if a fancy car is a priority, save for it & buy one you can afford, rather than paying a grand a month to own a slice of nothing... might as well be taking taxis everywhere. Car leases are only for people desperate to have a reliable car but without enough capital behind them to buy one, surely?

He's beyond that stage in his career, if he can't buy a car outright now, it's just throwing money away keeping the finance houses in profit, surely?

So you each have your own money after paying bills?

why can’t he spend his money how he wants? If you don’t want him to then pool your money and discuss everything

This would annoy me! Absolutely fine to do what each of you want with your own money unless it affects the other negatively.

That said, I’m afraid the whole specific car badge, designer label, Insta everything culture drives me insane, we live in a world obsessed with money and appearance and seem to be losing everything of real value. So daft as it seems, if my partner felt the need to buy a £1000pcm car I’d be seriously questioning whether our values still aligned.

Ten years ago I startted to sponsor / subsidise a 6-year-old girl in the slums of Bangalore, to continue her education after she had studied in a charity-sponsored preschool from the age of 3years.
Earlier this week she sent me photos of herself (now 16 years old, accepting a place at college on a 3-year pre-university course leading to a B.Sc honours degree course, at a local university where - if her studies go well - she would like to study medicine and become a doctor.
I am 82 years old, receive Housing Benefit and Pension Credit in addition to modest savings from my professional life. My contribution to her fees will be in the region of £800 per year - which I calculate as being £15 per week, half of which will be covered by my Pension Credit and the other half will mean one fewer Starbucks coffee and pastry.per week - neither of which would give me a fraction of the joy I get from being able to make a difference in the life of a girl who has worked her socks off to be successful and escape from poverty.
I remember when I thought my car was important, but I am glad my values changed. and am delighted in the spin-off results, like the fact that she has taught her parents to be literate in the local language, and to speak and read English.
At 16 years she is quadrilingual (4 languages with 4 different alphabets,)
I am very pleased. - and incredibly proud of her achievement.

Is that on finance?
Better to save up first.

Ten years ago I startted to sponsor / subsidise a 6-year-old girl in the slums of Bangalore, to continue her education after she had studied in a charity-sponsored preschool from the age of 3years.
Earlier this week she sent me photos of herself (now 16 years old, accepting a place at college on a 3-year pre-university course leading to a B.Sc honours degree course, at a local university where - if her studies go well - she would like to study medicine and become a doctor.
I am 82 years old, receive Housing Benefit and Pension Credit in addition to modest savings from my professional life. My contribution to her fees will be in the region of £800 per year - which I calculate as being £15 per week, half of which will be covered by my Pension Credit and the other half will mean one fewer Starbucks coffee and pastry.per week - neither of which would give me a fraction of the joy I get from being able to make a difference in the life of a girl who has worked her socks off to be successful and escape from poverty.
I remember when I thought my car was important, but I am glad my values changed. and am delighted in the spin-off results, like the fact that she has taught her parents to be literate in the local language, and to speak and read English.
At 16 years she is quadrilingual (4 languages with 4 different alphabets,)
I am very pleased. - and incredibly proud of her achievement.

Who is he trying to impress?

I’ve just checked one of my cars cost and it would be 3k a month. I bought it outright though.

You canna just hand it back!!! Its leased for a set number of months!!

It flipping well is a lot!!! Give your head a wobble love!

A lease is worse!

@Tunaturner is it a ToTR range rover?? Or a Porche??

I know were coming.,but just talk to him.

1k a month for a car is not a lot. Neither is 34k for two cars. I’ve spent way more than that in the last couple of years. I’m not missing anything either to spend the money on🤷‍♂️

YANBU we've spent £34k on two cars in 13 years which is just over £100 a month each. Our household income is £150k a year there's no chance we'd spend that on a car. There's nothing wrong with our cars either not exactly old bangers would much rather spend money on other things

If you're in a marriage and his spending affects your life together and he makes decisions without a discussion, it can't be his money/my money. Finances and lack of communication are the biggest reasons marriages fail. It's the principle that he does not want to spend the money bettering your life. He cannot afford that car if he's loaning or leasing and cannot pay it off in a relatively short time. I think you both set the wrong intentions for this union and now its showing.

There’s always a chance he’s about to sneak a Lamborghini into the tractor shed though 🤔

Of he earns significantly more why are you paying half the bills?
Do you do the housework, house admin, cooking, kids related stuff?
Im annoyed with him before car gate

I'm also a dinosaur so I still think when you're married your finances are joint. But if you keep separate bank accounts then that's his choice what he spends the money on, isn't it? Is it affecting your finances ? Apologies if I've not read the whole thread thoroughly

Does he do the trousers that are too small for him and the shoes without socks thing as well OP? That would be the final ick in the coffin for me.

(never been so glad for my totally unflash car, normal fitting trouser and sock wearing bearded farmer DH)