AIBU to feel angry about my husband's £1000 a month car?

I’ve never looked at car allowances like that. They are simply part of salary on reality so I’d never refer to the value of it when deciding what to spend on a car.

If you had 100k salary and 20k car allowance would you budget twice as much for a car than if you earned 110k with a 10k car allowance despite your take home pay being identical?

I think lease cars make financial sense if the money the car would have cost, I.e £80/90/100,000 was invested in an appreciating asset that brings in the £1,000 per month it costs to rent

If someone doesn’t have that money to invest then it’s just money down the drain and it doesn’t matter how much someone earns £1000 per month is a waste.

I can do 40/50,000 per year sometimes. My car cost less than a months rent

Presumably that on top of that £1000 there is insurance petrol/electric costs, tax etc

Sound like he got top of the line.

How awful to be with someone who earns more and doesn’t feel the need or want to share.

He hasn’t spoken to you as you have completely separate finances so how he spend his money is his own business. That’s the agreement you both made.

Personally thats not for me. We are in a partnership together, work together and do what’s best for our family.

Sounds like a selfish man.

Not a particularly high salary when balanced with that expensive of a car but certainly affordable.

My husband earns slightly over this and I wouldn’t be entirely happy with him spending £1000 on a car BUT we don’t have independent bank accounts. Only one bank account between us and all money is shared. If he wanted a flashy car though, I wouldn’t be upset over it. As it stands he drives a 13 year old Vauxhall!

It’s taxed if he takes it as cash. If he uses it on the company car scheme it’s much better value

my £1000k PM

£500 car allowance
£320 salary sacrifice tax saved

so cash I pay £180 a month for a brand new car, the insurance, basic maintenance, servicing etc etc

why wouldn’t I do it? I need a car, what else would I get for £180 a month/ £2200 a year?

I think with the information about his income perhaps you’re being a bit daft! Although it sounds like you ah e unequally invested in the home, so perhaps you’d be better off asking him to buy a more equal share of the house to free up your equity and then you can spend that however you like?

I think I understand what you mean. I don't care about material possessions, I'd never be interested in being flashy with possessions on Instagram, I prefer to spend on joint family/couple/friend experiences like holidays. My DH is the same and I wouldn't chose a partner who didn't have the same values, so if he changed and started flashing the cash it would feel uncomfortable, a bit like a betrayal maybe or like he isn't the man I fell in love with and chose to spend my life with.

I clicked YABU by mistake so feel compelled to say ofc YANBU, this is batshit for anyone, let alone some one arguing about the cost of strawberries.

The first flashy car my dh bought caused my MiL (his mum!) to be totally appalled at the waste of money. I remember her looking at me in total confusion and saying, “Why on earth would you let him buy it? It’s going to depreciate so quickly, and it’ll cost a fortune to maintain it! Doesn’t it bother you?”

And I said, “at first I felt a bit the same way, but when I thought about it I realised that we don’t really flash money around, but we are comfortable, and he works so hard that i shouldn’t dictate how he rewards himself. I love him and I want him to be happy. It gives him enormous pleasure to own and drive. He doesn’t drink, or gamble, or buy designer clothes, or have a premium golf club membership or a Premier League football ticket. He’s a good dad, a hard worker, and a nice guy. Why would i stop your son from spending money on something that he absolutely loves?”

And MiL looked at me squarely and said “well when you put it like that I can’t really disagree!” And ever since she has rather enjoyed taking a spin in the flashy car!

I have made really sure to never once throw it back in his face - and he has since upgraded the flashy car, it’s usually a purchase that takes an entire year to plan as he has draws out the excitement of trying to decide exactly which model to buy.

But my dh isn’t ever tight - we are careful but he’d never, ever moan at me about modest luxuries like strawberries or he’d get my “arched eyebrow” and get right back in his box.

I suspect there would be a lot more replies like this if the roles were reversed. It's another where 'we've agreed that his money is his money, my money is my money, but actually I quite fancy his money too'.

But then I'm also happy spending almost £1,000 per month on a car.

I think it’s indicative of different values rather than controlling, she hasn’t said he can’t do it, just that she doesn’t like it.

@Tunaturner I would hate it if my husband did this, or drove a Range Rover or something like that. It’s just not something I admire, quite the opposite. I’d find it more admirable if he was driving a second hand Skoda and putting the difference into a cause he values, or a hobby or learning a new skill.

I can see both sides. I don't care one bit about cars so wouldn't want to spend a penny but we save around £1000 a month for holidays so I feel like I am doing the same thing but just directing the money to what makes me happy. I guess it's a fancy car that makes him happy.
I do hate showy, Instagramy behaviour so that would annoy me.

Not that impressive, just new. Mid range premium, likely a £60k ish car.
Mines a Tesla

I'm not old and I agree with you
Regards, a chicken (not quite spring)

You’re angry because you choose to spend on different things?

this seems an extreme reaction. Is something else going on?

What else is he going to do with the car allowence then?!

That’s a lot to spend on a car based on a 120k salary.

If he puts 40k into his pension that leaves a taxable salary of 80k which equates to around 4.7k take home per month. To spend over 20% of that on a car does seem excessive but people do have very differing spending preferences. If you’re mortgage/rent free then that makes slightly less excessive.

So he spends money he can afford, a part of which is a car allowance from work, on something you have decided he shouldn’t.

controlling