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AIBU?

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Original poster

SIL sending DN to my house

106 replies

girlmummy25 · 03/06/2026 18:59

My SIL works full time and GPs pick her kids up once a week until she gets home from work about 6:30pm however, whenever GPs are on holiday (which is a lot!) ill get a phone call at 4pm saying my nephew is on his way to my house in a cab and that she hopes thats ok.
Nephew is 12 and of course I need to feed him but where I dont know he is coming its normally unlikely that ive prepared a dinner to feed another person who has adult portions.

I just find it so rude to tell me on the day as he is on his way! Its happened about 4 times now, twice I have missed her call so she will then just ring her brother (my DH) and tell him instead and make sure one of us is home.

Tomorrow she is due to do it again, AIBU to confront her about it if she does it again and just say I expect a little more heads up? (Especially as she knows GPs will be away weeks in advance!)

Her home is only 5 mins away from us but for some reason she doesnt want him home alone until shes home (he is a sensible boy so not 100% sure why - especially as she deems him old enough to get cabs)

OP posts:
FeelingALittleWoozyHere · 03/06/2026 19:48

Would you be happy for him to come if you have notice? Or prefer he doesn't come at all?
If the former, your DH needs to message his sister saying he needs to know when DN will be coming at least a week in advance.
If the latter he needs to tell her you can no longer look after him so please make other arrangements or give him a key to get in

godmum56 · 03/06/2026 19:48

oh my goodness poor child! But yes foot down with his mother!

Original poster
girlmummy25 · 03/06/2026 19:47

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The atleast 4 times have been this year, so atleast from January.
If GPs holiday stretches over 2 pick ups she will do it to me two weeks in a row. So it probably been more than 4 times.

isnt much back story to be honest, just tends to be that we dont hear much from her unless she wants something from us

OP posts:
Lifeislove · 03/06/2026 19:47

Gymnopedie · 03/06/2026 19:40

But helping out your single mum sister by having your nephew over for some food…. I’d be fine about it

That's not the point. It's the way SIL is going about it. A request to have him, advance notice, a discussion about whether or not he wants feeding - that's one thing. Telling OP he's coming when he's already on his way in a taxi is another. And not OK. The SIL is taking OP for granted and that's not a good move.

This.
OP should be asked if it's ok and at the time the GP booked the holiday and know when they are away.

It's just rude entitlement as it is.

Which is why OP (who sounds very reasonable and accommodating) has put this in AIBU.....to be p*ed off at being taken for granted.

DandelionClockSeeds · 03/06/2026 19:43

Why cant a 12 year old just go home?

You and DH definitely need to be out tomorrow - maybe a treat out with your kids before swimming?

JG24 · 03/06/2026 19:42

Surely he's old enough to let himself in his house and feed himself?
I would take myself and my children for a pizza every time and not be available

Goodnessyoualldashoffdontyoureppies · 03/06/2026 19:42

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Goodnessyoualldashoffdontyoureppies · 03/06/2026 19:41

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PollyBell · 03/06/2026 19:40

Motherofacertainage · 03/06/2026 19:33

He’s your nephew and it’s not the poor kid’s fault. Unless there’s a back story where he’s a little shit, expect to feed him tomorrow and then ask her for some money towards food if that’s an issue for you. At 12 he presumably doesn’t need too much looking after and he’s family so it’s a bit depressing that you can’t accommodate him 4 or 5 times.

But why should the op have too? It was decided for the op by other people

Gymnopedie · 03/06/2026 19:40

But helping out your single mum sister by having your nephew over for some food…. I’d be fine about it

That's not the point. It's the way SIL is going about it. A request to have him, advance notice, a discussion about whether or not he wants feeding - that's one thing. Telling OP he's coming when he's already on his way in a taxi is another. And not OK. The SIL is taking OP for granted and that's not a good move.

SockPlant · 03/06/2026 19:40

Don't be in? send him right back?

Tell her in very clear terms to stop doing it. Tell your DH to tell her. And then if you think it's going to happen, you leave the house and leave him to manage, because then he will tell her to stop.

Original poster
girlmummy25 · 03/06/2026 19:40

Motherofacertainage · 03/06/2026 19:33

He’s your nephew and it’s not the poor kid’s fault. Unless there’s a back story where he’s a little shit, expect to feed him tomorrow and then ask her for some money towards food if that’s an issue for you. At 12 he presumably doesn’t need too much looking after and he’s family so it’s a bit depressing that you can’t accommodate him 4 or 5 times.

Never have I said its his fault or that I wont feed him!
you must be someone who dumps their kids on people too without asking then I assume

OP posts:
Original poster
girlmummy25 · 03/06/2026 19:37

DH also thinks its rude but he works from home a lot and im a SAHM so she knows more than likely one of us is going to be home in the afternoon.
My DD swims on Thursdays after school so I dont get home until 4:30ish myself which is why ive missed the calls but she just calls DH.

im sure if we werent in she would just send him home… i think she just knows he is going to be fed and looked after at mine. I would never not feed him, kids are so hungry after school there is no way I could do that.

No, when I say ‘about 4 times’ its probably been more than that!
a few times ive picked them up from school and brought them back to mine but it seems when I dont offer she just puts him in a cab to mine anyway. Niece stays at school in a club when she does that.

But my DD is 6 and DS is 3 so I have my hands full as it is and tomorrow I need to pack and sort stuff out as im away for the weekend so could do with not having another kid to look after/entertain

i wouldnt mind so much if she asked in advance. I just feel like im being taken advantage of and like another poster said, shes being entitled

OP posts:
RockaLock · 03/06/2026 19:34

If she gets back at from work at 6:30, why do you have to feed him? Plenty of people don’t eat an evening meal until 7pm or later.

Just give him a drink and a packet of crisps or something to tide him over, and she can take him home at 6:30 and cook them both dinner together.

If you are eating very early with your family then I get that might be awkward though.

Motherofacertainage · 03/06/2026 19:33

He’s your nephew and it’s not the poor kid’s fault. Unless there’s a back story where he’s a little shit, expect to feed him tomorrow and then ask her for some money towards food if that’s an issue for you. At 12 he presumably doesn’t need too much looking after and he’s family so it’s a bit depressing that you can’t accommodate him 4 or 5 times.

ExplodingSmittens · 03/06/2026 19:30

Why don’t you text her now and ask him to come and do a nice tea for him? I think she’s been a little cheeky but that shouldn’t stop you from having a nice time with DN.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 03/06/2026 19:29

Where does he usually go when his GP's are on holiday?

jeaux90 · 03/06/2026 19:26

Is she a lone parent?

KnittyKnotty · 03/06/2026 19:24

Next time text back and say you're out, see what she does.

Goodnessyoualldashoffdontyoureppies · 03/06/2026 19:22

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Goodnessyoualldashoffdontyoureppies · 03/06/2026 19:22

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WhereYouLeftIt · 03/06/2026 19:20

Tell her no, it's not OK, and that she'd better not pull this stunt on you again. I'd be pointing out very strongly he has his own home to go to and that's what should be happening.

Everydayimhuffling · 03/06/2026 19:19

"No, I'm afraid that's not ok! Neither of us are home." Make a plan to be out. It should be easy enough if you know when the GPs are away. I would just never be available if she hadn't asked in advance.

You'll have to get your DH on board though. How does he feel about it?

Goodnessyoualldashoffdontyoureppies · 03/06/2026 19:16

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Leeds2 · 03/06/2026 19:15

Does SIL ever look after your children in return?
What does DH say to her, and does he expect you to do the looking after of DN?
Is DN any trouble?

This would really annoy me. Not the looking after, but the not asking. How I reacted would probably be influenced by what DH thought. If the food is a real problem, could you eat later, after DN has gone so that he eats at home? If you have little ones who need to eat earlier, just make something for them and tell DN that his mum will make his dinner when he gets home. Or would it be possible for you to be out tomorrow, so there will be no one in when his cab arrives and when/if she complains say that you didn't know he was coming until too late.

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