Does marriage change anything?

He can’t moan at me for using his things as technically its also my things. Apart from that it isn’t different for us as we didn’t need marriage to feel committed etc.

It solidified our relationship, I think. And we were both well informed enough about the legal side to understand that we were making a commitment to each other that there isn't really an equivalent of, other than CP. So we were happy about that part too.

The ideal is finding someone who is genuinely dedicated to you, and will always have your back, and reciprocating that feeling.

I'm like you, never married and on reflection I have never met a man that I genuinely trusted to be decent, so I've made the right decisions.

I have my son and my home, and I seem to be happier than most of my married friends, several of whom are looking for a way out, so I regard myself as lucky.

If also seen women take men for all they have, so in fairness it works both ways.

For me, personally, yes, it feels different to be married rather than just living together. I think because it shows the commitment we have made to each other - we have made promises to each other, and haven't just 'drifted' into our relationship. I felt different from the day we married - I can't quite explain it - just more loved and secure I guess. I know that things can change of course, but we've been married nearly 30 years, and I think that being married can also make you fight a little harder to sort out any problems/arguments that you have.

I definitely wouldn't have had children before marriage or continued to live together indefinitely - if I'm not good enough to marry, then he doesn't get all the other stuff too!

Yep!

Twice married, twice divorced and the poorer for it!

I think if both the people are traditional in their beliefs about marriage (probably usually as a result of a religious/cultural upbringing that marriage is a sacred vow), it can make a difference emotionally. If you both believe that you're promising before not just the world but also before God that you will be faithful, then that can provide an extra feeling of security in one another. Of course, the kind of person who deeply believes they should be faithful to their life partner will be faithful regardless of whether they're married or not.

Then there's the legal protection aspect, which to me goes hand in hand with the feeling of being protected and safe in my relationship.

So yes, I think marriage can change how people feel, but I imagine it's less likely to change how you feel if you've already been living together for years before getting married.

If someone's interested in marriage, I'd make that clear fairly early in the relationship. Obviously people can lie, but I'd hope they'd be honest about whether that's something that's important to them, too, or if they don't see the point.

I’m sorry you’re sad about this. I hope you find what you are looking for. Plenty of my friends married decades after I did and are very happy.

For me marriage is

1. spiritual and religious as I have a faith
2. a committment to one another for life
3. a legal protection

The wedding was truly beautiful but a wedding day alone is a bad reason to enter into a marriage.

I think plenty of people would say they get married for 2) and 3) or one of those without having a faith.

Some people get married to celebrate the love they already have and just want others to enjoy with them that celebration of love. But that assumes 2) is already firmly there - perhaps through bonds like buying a house and having children.

Have you not read the multitude of threads here about women screwed over by having children with a man they’re not married to?

We were together for 10 years when we got married and other than legally, nothing at all changed. Just as committed, just as much of a family now as we were before.

TBH neither of us wanted DC before marriage, so there was never any question about it.

Yes but you don’t enter into that legal contract without the love and commitment coming first.

I’d say we feel more like a family unit being married. And I wouldn’t have got pregnant before being married

I think the pp meant these posts show that marriages does change things and is important.

Firstly, you are absolutely good enough to marry. I’m really sorry you feel like that (I often felt like this at times in my late teens / early twenties which is just crazy) but I promise you that’s not the case. If you want to marry some day, you will just find the right person, and your exes clearly just weren’t the ‘right’ person for you but you will find him eventually.

Now onto your question - I’d be lying if I didn’t dream of marriage my whole life. But first of all, the actual wedding day was just so incredibly overrated and financially ludicrous. My favourite part was actually the church ceremony, and how beautiful the service was. I will admit I felt spiritually bound to my husband but that might’ve just been all in my head. The lunch and reception after was a waste of money and the dress was overpriced although I did feel beautiful.

In terms of being married - I loved the fact I had changed my surname. I didn’t hate my maiden name but I always dreamt of taking my husbands name. I still very much enjoy saying ‘My husband XYZ’ instead of ‘my boyfriend ‘XYZ’… god knows why but I guess I like the fact it sounds more official.

In terms of feeling ‘different’ - we were probably in a ‘husband and wife’ bubble for a few weeks after the wedding being like ‘I can’t believe we are married’ but once my passport was all changed and the novelty wore off, normal life resumed. We had a joint back account before we were married so not much changed there either.

I love being a WIFE and not just a girlfriend, whatever that may mean . I also like ticking ‘married’ on forms and not ‘single’ because even when we cohabitated I still had to tick single. I like being introduced as a wife snd being referred to as wife.

But that’s really just me - i haven’t even been married a year so maybe the novelty will wear off for these things too. But I do think marriage is special and I think it’s a shame that it is potentially dying out with rising cost of living and people just seeing marriage as some sort of financial transaction so they’re less likely to. Bother. It doesn’t have to be - I think being married does spiritually link you together and it can be however special you make it! X

I think marriage is different from other relationships for people who believe in keeping its solemn promises. That commitment trumps big fancy dresses and parties. I've been married twice, never divorced. First to a boy I loved, but who had various problems; I stuck to him for over 30 years because we had made the promise to stay together 'till death'. So I developed fortitude and a 'shoulders back, chin up' attitude. My second marriage was for a dozen very happy years to a widower. We shared similar values, and did our best to support each other. I have gained step-families through this, and lots of happy memories. I miss him immensely but am grateful for the memories and that he went quickly without suffering. So I put my shoulders back and chin up again. And @Jigglywigglypuff , that's the best you can do for yourself. (I don't know how old you are, but I was in my 60s when I met my 2nd husband. You don't know what nice things may yet happen... )

It didn’t change much. We had already lived together for 5 years. We got married because we were ready to have children and we wanted to be married first. We both agree that we probably wouldn’t have bothered getting married if it weren’t for that.

It depends whether the marriage is a happy one.

I’ve been married over 20 years and we married in our early twenties. We’re very happy and I think it just gets better, personally. The best part is knowing you’re a team and you have someone there with your best interests at heart, to support you if and when needed.

Although we’ve never had any problems, we have worked at our marriage by trying to spend quality time together and to be considerate of the other person’s needs and wants.

It helps that we’re on the same page about a lot of things - finances, raising kids, home etc. I can imagine problems arise if you’re not aligned on the important things.

Look on here for the MANY threads where someone has split from a partner, or they have died but they are not married.

I've been married for yonks
in day to day terms, and in emotional terms it changed nothing whatsoever and I rarely refer to DP as DH (only when I'm talking to the easily confused) neither of us changed our names and I don't go by 'Mrs'
However it mean that if DP had predeceased me I would have been entitled to his pension (yes, that's right, he couldn't assign it to me as not married)
He had automatic PR for our children
If either of us died intestate, we would inherit from each other automatically

etc etc

the key really is - is the man you are thinking of marrying loving and decent? If yes, marry him, it confers significant legal protection for all of you
if no, do not marry him, it will make leaving him much harder, and do not put him on any birth certificate

I think it feels different. It is that agreement that you are planning to be together forever, whether it works out that way or not. It did surprise me when I got married how different it made the relationship feel, although it was good both before and after. Been married 20 years.