Does marriage change anything?

@Ipsevenenabibas My husband and my child do both share the same name as me. My daughter was given mine and then my husband took mine too (his choice).

Interesting. I love having the same name as my husband and children.

@Jigglywigglypuff Not changing your name upon marriage really ought to be the default. Had my husband even slightly baullked at my decision to remain Ms MyName there would have been no marriage!!
@blossomtoes I'm firmly with you on this one!

It didn’t make the slightest difference to our relationship. We’d been together for a long time, very happily, did it very simply. Within a week I’d mostly forgotten we’d done it, tbh. I mean, it changed nothing.

This!

XH and I were happily married for 20 years. It was and felt great, until the end. Even now, I would do it again. I loved being married. DP has hinted that he would marry again too, when both of our divorces are through and our DC a bit more grown up. I don’t want to blend our families currently as we have 5 teenagers between us and it just seems like a precarious time for them. In five years time, when they are mostly grown and are starting to leave home for uni, I would be open to a conversation to review our situation. There would be financial benefits and implications (sharing of pensions etc), but that isn’t the driving force.
It’s for the pleasure of being married, and significance of him being my husband, rather than my boyfriend or partner.

So that inlaws don’t get to make important decisions about your partner, should it come to that. It hugely legally simplifies long term comittment. But it isn’t for everyone and thank goodness we have the freedom to make our own choices.

I know logically you are right and even after learning everything I know now, I would not recommend getting married as it’s so tough, I still completely melt when I see a man proposing and am insanely happy when I see a couple getting married. It’s the optimism of it all.

I honestly was in the never get married camp and I had two long term live in relationships that ended badly, and a child as well. Then I met the man I’m with now. We took 10 years to live together and after another 10 we got a civil partnership and it’s now been 25 years and counting. We are trying to stay as healthy and active as we can because we want as much time as possible together. To us, legalising things was really intensely special and changed things oddly I think because we flew under the radar and our families still don’t know. We don’t think it’s anyone else’s business. Neither of us are flashy or like attention but we are privately very romantic. More as we both get older and realise how lucky we are (we met in 40’s).

@Jigglywigglypuffmy husband is not abusive at all but just expected me “to act more like a wife”(!!!) He expected me to change and obv had some very outdated views of women! He just irritates me on a daily basis but divorce is a big deal for me, especially since we now have a kid, so I just tolerate it.

I've never been married and would never want to.
It is lovely to read the stories of happy marriages but I know several that aren't.
Fwiw, I simply can't understand why people feel the need to get married in middle age and beyond???????

I remember feeling a sense of relief, when we married, a lot like the feeling after a lovely party in your house when the guests leave and it’s just the two of you again.

Marriage put firm legal boundaries in place limiting the reach and influence of both of our families. I don't know how much that mattered to him, but I wouldn’t have trusted his family to treat me fairly if he had died, and there is no way I would have considered having dc with him without being married first.

I felt that our relationship deepened significantly in the months after we married. Maybe that would have happened anyway.

No idea, been married for about 30 years so know no difference but for us it works but hard to define it

Yes. It showed me he was serious about making a commitment. Actions speak louder than words. You said you understand about the financial legal side but the emotional side is directly linked to that. It's the long term commitment in front of everyone you both care about. It's not about romance. It's about standing up and promising to look after each other and then legally signing up to doing just that.

For Catholics marriage is more than a social or legal contract. It is one of the seven sacraments. Through marriage the couple enters a sacred covenant with God as the primary witness and partner in their bond.

Trust me I do. I love the bones of him.

For my husband, it was the green light to start being properly abusive. In hindsight there had been signs but it really ramped up after the wedding.

I left him after a year and when he was begging me to come back, I said "what did you think I would do if you treat me so badly?" His answer: "we're married, I didn't think you would actually leave"

(Note we are not British born so culturally a divorce is a huge deal).

For me it did. I felt trapped almost immediately. Something shifted for me psychologically / in my head but he also admitted to treating me differently after we were married like expecting me to be more domestic etc when I had never been in the whole 6.5 years before marriage.
I’m quite a strong minded person tho so pushed back on these new expectations and remained independent and as I was before we married, and over time things improved. We’ve been together almost 20 years but had we not married I would have left a long time ago. I personally see no benefit to getting married and would recommend to my daughter that marriage isn’t necessary…in fact I’d probably avoid it altogether. For me marriage has been really hard work.

For us, (Christians) it meant making declarations before God that would last beyond this life. Four children and one ordination later, we still hold to those vows.

if he was a complete twat, weirdo, cock lodger, porn addict or abusive, of course I would not be married.....so the answer depends on the fact what kind of boyfriends you attract

I married only because the man was semi decent, caring and generous with me....so I knew I would not beg for money when I would be a mother to a baby...we were friends and still are and have a lot in common

It didn’t really change anything for us. Neither of us have any assets, I didn’t change my name and it didn’t feel any different in terms of emotional ties. But both of us wanted to commit to the other in every way possible. I wanted to be his wife. He wanted to be my husband.

@Loulou4022 describes it well; like the icing on the cake.

We didn't live together before we got married so can't say if I'd feel the same if we had stayed together but never married. Been married 18 years and it really feels like I'm in a team with my best friend. There was a definite increase in loving feelings after getting married but also after having kids, after he supported me through the death of a much loved parent, after lockdown, after my cancer treatment. Somehow, he loves me back for my odd ways but I'm always supportive of him too. In short I love him more now than the day I married him and I thought I loved him loads then.