Does marriage change anything?

We have been together over 20 years and living together for about 15 years. We will be getting married soon because of the IHT issues if one of us dies without being married. The surviving one would have to sell the house to pay IHT at 40% on half the value of the property above £325k. We could get the same benefit from a civil partnership but we like the idea of being married. I look forward to being able to refer to him as my husband instead of my partner even though that’s not very rational.

We were together for over 10 years before marrying. As much as we enjoyed our wedding, being married didn't change anything on a daily basis, as people usually live together before marrying nowadays. We would have stayed together even without being married. It does give more protection legally and financially with property and assets to both parties.

I think civil ceremonies are so lovely because they tend to be very personalised which I always really enjoy! I’m an MN oddity though because I tend to enjoy weddings in general!

As I said on my previous post, I am not married and will never get married.
It's lovely to hear of the happy stories on here, reminds me of what I will never have.
I raised my son alone and I agree that marriage(non abusive) is by far the best foundation for children.
I'm pleased to read the positive stories on this thread.

@moonshineandsun Thank you so much for taking the time to explain.
I have no faith so didn't get married in a church or anything like that - civil ceremonies (both times!) 😀

@CelticSilver what denomination are you? As a Catholic we are taught marriage is until death (till death do us part). There's nobody in heaven or hell married according Catholic teachings!

So legally of course we can divorce but in the eyes of the church we would remain married. So for example if we divorced legally and I wanted to get married again, I couldn’t have a church wedding, it would have to be a civil ceremony - as yes church would still see me as married. DH and I not overtly religious, more culturally Catholic I would say! but the vows did mean something to us - that we would journey through life together for better or worse, forsaking all others until death do us part. It’s a commitment to the marriage and now to our children as well as to each other is probably how I feel about it. I’ve just googled it and apparently marriage is a sacrament in the Catholic Church (involving the two people and Gods blessing ) and within the Protestant church it’s a covenant marriage so a promise between two people - I’m sure someone will be along to correct me on the nuances but that’s seemingly googles take on it!

Marriage is like having a baby in that if the relationship wasn't good before, it will not improve anything.

I think people feel that marriage changes things for the better emotionally when the relationship was already great and they're certain they've done the right thing. When they're on the same page with their plans for the future and know they've got the best foundation for that. Plus the proof of their partner's commitment to them.

It meant something to me - the making a binding commitment to each other. I didn't want the fuss or the big dress, we had a small registery office wedding as absolutely not religious and a reception at my mum & dad's with a small group of family and friends. I wanted the marriage, not the big wedding.

For me, it cemented us as a family, but I get that it's not for everyone and some people are just as happy without marriage. It's whatever fits for you, I guess.

We've been married 36 years and we have been through tough times. I don't know if I would have walked away if we had not been married, I've certainly felt like it a few times (and I'm sure he has too!) But we stuck it out and worked through problems and we are in our 50s now, enjoying spending more time together and with our grown up children.

I have to say though, if anything were to happen to DH, I can't imagine getting married again. It made sense when we were young & raising a family but at this stage in life, I wouldn't want or need that.

I come from a conservative catholic background and so does my husband. It would never have occurred to us to start a family without being married first. It's cultural I suppose. But I also love being married to him. He's my best friend.

@moonshineandsun Excuse my ignorance on this, but you said as you are Catholics you are married until death. So you are not permitted to divorce under any circumstances?

Getting married is a public affirmation of your love for and commitment to each other. It publicly shows you are determined to be faithful to one another. There's a solidity about it which makes you feel grounded and secure (though I'm well aware that marriage doesn't work out for some people). It also shows that you are not hanging out together until a better option comes along.

I married my DH after being together for 11 years. We’d owned our house together for 9 years, and had just had a baby. It did change things, despite all that time already together our relationship felt more “permanent”.

There are times I’m not sure we’d still be together if we weren’t married. Sharing a life with someone can be very challenging at times.

Apart from the obvious legal and financial benefits, I think it does. Inevitably over a marriage of several decades, there will be bad times when one or both of you might be having regrets, or be thinking of leaving. But when you're married,you know you've made a commitment - and that includes getting through the bad times. Nobody wants to be divorced, and I think marriage gives you a broader perspective and a willingness to make things work, which you don't have when it's simply cohabitation.

Maybe it’s not for you if you chop and change your mind about it so easily (off the back of someone’s post on here). One minute you can’t wait to find the one to marry, the next you’re saying it’s not for you.

I’m so glad I didn’t have a religious ceremony then - no way do I want to be tied to him in the afterlife as well 😂

We wanted children and I refused unless we were married.
We both knew I'd be cutting hours when they were small and no way was I taking all the risk with my financial future. While you can pick wisely, nobody knows how their partner is are going to react to parenthood.

Also I wasn't prepared to have the lifelong commitment of a child with a man who wasn't prepared to commit to me.

I think marriage changed something, although I fully accept that's not the case for everyone. I felt settled. I still do. But that said I don't think I wouldn't marry again if anything happened to DH, the driver was children.

I was with my DH 10 years before we got married and we already had two children together. In terms of commitment marriage didn't really add to that, I think having children together is more of a commitment then marriage. But for me it made me feel more secure. I can't really explain why.

I love being his wife. We've now been married 18 years and that feeling hasn't worn off at all.

Yes it did to me, mind you my DH was very keen to get married, it meant a lot to him. He was getting divorced (I met him nine months after they separated) and she was holding things up a bit - we had a date in mind but couldn’t book it - so it was suggested (by my old fashioned Dad, of all people), that we have a celebration and get the legal bit done quietly later. But my DH said no it had to be proper - he wanted us to be married, and there’s something very attractive about a man who is that determined despite his previous experience! To us it was the firm, public commitment. It gave us security, not just financially but emotionally.
i have a friend who has been with her partner for over 30 years. Both had been married before annd she had a child. They bought a house together but she wanted to get married but he wouldn’t, for whatever reason. She told me once that to her that meant he wasn’t making the ultimate commitment, despite the house and obvious plan to spend their lives together. She had always felt he must not love her enough.

DH and I married after 12 years and 2 DC. It does feel different for me which I did not expect at all. It feels more secure and stable, like marriage sort of cemented things. That's all well and good in my situation, but if you marry the wrong person it could feel more like being trapped.

I remember someone saying once that it’s easy to be committed during the easy times but marriage is the commitment to stay during the hard parts of life (illnesses, deaths of loved ones, work challenges etc). Obviously many marriage fall apart because some people run away at hard things and many non-married couples remain committed but that’s always felt like the difference to me - we are partners now until death (catholics!).

Getting married is incredibly easy, being married is the element that requires the prolonged effort and commitment.

Marriage to the right person is fabulous, with shared values you pull together and create a family unit in whatever guise that takes.

It should always be considered with a cool head and with long term financial and emotional goals aligning, it is after all a binding contract.

No difference whatsoever on a day to day basis. Buying a house and having a child together were both far bigger commitments.

I didn’t change my name because it’s an old hat and I was in my late 30s so professionally everyone knew me by something else anyway.

@MesLunettes And one's title, in my opinion. Firmly a Ms!

Absolutely. Changing your name is really reactionary.