AIBU to think dismissal during probation was unfair given autism adjustments?

I have already offered advice (on both threads - you can go search for it if you like under my username, if you are interested. I'm not going to type it out again.

Also. If somewhere extends your probation you’re on a hiding to nothing - unless you can make a drastic change, you’re going to be out on your ear so start looking for another job.

Do you consider yourself one of these people with decades of experience who is trying to help the OP despite her apparently lazy and aggressive replies.

Ask yourself - why are you still here battling with the OP - have you learned nothing in all those decades about human nature - you give advice and people are free to take it or reject it, you have no control over that - you've done your bit, it's in black and white - the OP has chosen not to take it on board, you might feel personally insulted that given how time pressured and important you are - she has chosen to ignore your wise words - that's pretty much on you - you chose how you spend your time - if you wasted it on MN that's on you - not her.

Agreed. Unless OP takes advice on board and makes changes this’ll happen time and time again even in more understanding environments like civil service. I get that she feels upset by her job loss and maybe got at by a few people here but a defensive and rude reaction isn’t helping her.

What’s your advice to her then?

Mine is that she needs to understand that unless she changes how she acts and thinks she is not going to be able to hold down a professional job.

She is utterly unreceptive to this advice, so what do you suggest instead?

Disagree, sorry. The issue here is that op asked for advice, posters gave her advice (eg i asked her to clarify other issues from her op that she brushed over that then gave more light to a conduct issue which is also reviewed during probation), we gave her advice on why this was bad (eg not apologising for recording without consent) and op is rejecting all advice and getting angry because we are not finding a job for her. The issue here is op’s attitude. She is also giving conflicting information.

She’s not “just” stating facts.

I can see though that the OP and posters like you have no interest in her receiving actual advice and instead want to be told that both of her employers are in the wrong.

What then, though? Does she self-righteously lose another couple of jobs and accept ending up in a low-paying job that she hates?

This is not a professional environment and the OP is receiving quite a battering from a lot of posters, she's being understandably defensive and that's to be expected - it's a very normal way to react - maybe not the most productive way - but she has just had a major negative event happen in her life - she's been judged to be not fit to do her job, cut her some slack people!

If you want to help, see past the noise - if you want to sling more mud maybe you need some self - reflection and consider why you want to kick someone when they are down - it's horrible behaviour.

That’s right, the people giving the benefit of decades of experience in managing in professional environments are awful and we should all just say “there there” to the OP as she gives lazy and aggressive replies.

Some of us have had plenty of experience of employees like the OP, who can’t take on board advice, and yet are still here trying to help.

not half as insulting as suggesting all neuro divergent people are the same and you know the OPs neuro divergencey better than her.

Honestly tik tok has a lot to answer for. People have a wide variety of presentations. Honestly as someone who has both ADHD and Autism I despair at the whole “I know 3 neuro divergent people and they are nothing like you so you must be faking it “ thing. ADHD, autism etc have some commonalities between individuals but there are more differences than similarities depending on personal history, biology and environmental factors. It would blow your mind how my ADHD and Autism interact..

You clearly have no idea about ND so really just be open to learning or decide this thread isn’t one you can add much useful to

I think this really illustrates the issues.

It's not up to anyone else to find you a job. We aren't here solely to do whatever you want. You need to put the effort in and do the work.

@SereneRoseRobin Why don't you tell us what your reflections are after reading this post, about why the job didn't work out and what you need to change to be successful next time

Agreed. All this shit
makes life harder for other ND people and it means we have to work twice as hard to be taken seriously.

It is funny that the only jobs I have ever been rejected for are the ones where I have mentioned being ND at the interview.

Agreed - I’m AuDHD and, if anything, I’m too apologetic about things like that. I also report myself immediately I make a mistake even when it’s unnecessary.

By hiding behind autism as an excuse, I agree it’s bloody insulting and also perpetuates the idea that autistic people are difficult in the workplace.

For the parts that you struggled with but which you will need in a job going forward look at how you can address your deficiencies in these areas. Here focus on what you can do to adapt rather than what other should do to support you.
A very sensible suggestion and some outside advice may help OP to recognise any deficiencies.

Oh, the old I know an autistic person one of my friends is autistic bullshit. It’s almost as if everybody’s an individual isn’t it?

Your response is insulting to other autistic people. Being autistic doesn’t mean you don’t apologise for upsetting other people or mean you can be downright rude. I work with lots of ND colleagues and none of them behave like the OP.

The attitude the op has shown on this thread is nothing to do with autism and everything to do with being an entitled brat.

it’s offensive to the neurodivergent community to have an attitude like this and say it’s down to autism.

You are a nightmare to employ clearly, and just happen to have autism, the two aren’t linked.

wdym

You don’t deserve any help with this attitude

And you are wondering why they got rid of you …….. From your responses, it would seem to be clear, no one wants to deal with someone who has this attitude, so they took a quick easy fix to deal with that. You can either continue in this ridiculous fashion, or learn from it and hopefully keep the next job.

I have a lot of sympathy for her being autistic and understand that is hard for her and makes it difficult indeed a job. But she is asking for help and just offering sympathy is not going to help her in getting another job or getting over her sense of being discriminated against.

An employer can only make adjustments for her to a certain extent and if the company can offer the level that she needs then it isn’t the right company/job for her so the op needs to reflect on what she is capable of doing and what she isn’t in order to find a job that works for her.

Okay just RTFT. Sounds like there’s a bigger issue

Sympathy - I’m autistic and have had a similar experience, right down to the clear communication requests (which everyone ignored)

Believe me when I say bin this off - you WILL find the right employer and team. I ended up going somewhere where my ND was a positive asset - my reasonable adjustments were taken on board and my boss is also ND and we communicate in the same way.

Op has posted previous threads which reveal this isn’t the first time she has been let go from a job. So there is clearly an issue.

Op has also detailed that they were unhappy she didn’t apologise for recording a call without consent. We are trying to explain why this is bad and she is not making any effort to learn from this.

She’s bloody autistic what is wrong with you people? I doubt very much she’s like that in real life. Everything is open to interpretation and you were interpreting it in the worst possible light. You are dreadful people.
I hope nobody treats your children like this. It’s appalling.