What is the wankiest thing you’ve seen your ex do?

He cheated on me with a work colleague after years together and got with her. Well apparently she quickly cheated on him and he was going around playing the victim about it. Karma!

I nipped into our local Morrisons to use their post office the other day

The counter is one counter,but split into two halves-one for 'normal' shopping and the post office bit

A bloke was in the queue,just in front of me (at the 'normal' counter) with two kids

One asked for a small chocolate bar and he turned and snarled 'I CANT AFFORD TO BUY YOU FUCKING CHOCOLATE AS YOUR FUCKING MOTHER TAKES ALL MY MONEY TO SPEND ON HERSELF!'

I felt so bad for that poor girl as she put it back-i noticed he could afford his tobacco and 6 pack of beer

I judged hard-fucking tosser

I can remember late 80’s my boyfriend started to dress… oddly. Think Don Johnson in Miami Vice if he’d been sniffing glue. He walked into a bar one weekend (I was there with my friend) and he had a very expensive Versace suit on. I was with him when he had bought it. He was very tall, darkish and good looking so you may think, so what?
That’s all he had on. No top on underneath and it was cut down to the waist. No shoes. Yep, nothing on his feet. And he could afford a full outfit.
I was mortified and me and my friend got out via a fire escape at the back.
I got asked about that ‘look’ so many times.

@MNHQ this thread deserves a spot in Classics!!

Mine took the lawnmower & the scarifier when he moved out .He didn’t have a lawn - I did !

complained the whole way to a christening as he doesn’t like religion (and was hung over) then announced loudly when we got there that he should leave because he was actually a catholic and this h Church of England stuff was really offensive to him.

how I laughed …

When they get married and have a child and its all smiles for the ‘gram

Also many years ago (over 22years ago) another ex of mine when I split from him and he moved back in his mum's. I came home when he said he'd took all of his stuff and left and I found that he had emptied my fridge and cupboards of all of the food shopping I had paid for and left me with barely any food for the week-i was 3months pregnant with his child aswell. I think he literally left me with a few bits of food that he didn't like and would probably have made a few sandwiches for work -ironically it was me that had paid for the whole food shop and he had contributed nothing to it just like he left me paying all of the rent gas electric etc whilst still giving his mum over £200 out of his wages every month because she told him they couldn't afford to live without the money he paid them before he moved out

I have to say I got a good laugh out of this one. Your dad is a legend 😆😆

That poor little kid. Not that he'd remember it at 3/4 but he'll likely have that 'message' repeated verbatim all his young life by wanker dad. Sad.

One ex I had, we were both 20, he was incredibly vain, was very good looking but boy did he know it 😬 I was doing some volunteer work one evening and he phoned me just before I left, accusing me of seeing someone else and said 'if you're not two timing me, prove it by driving to me now so I can see you're in your volunteer kit'. So stupid me did what he asked. I pulled up outside his parents home, he came to the door all dressed up for a night out and promptly said 'yeah ok I believe you' and sped off on his motorbike to meet his 'mates'.

a week later again accused me of seeing another bloke but during the argument I noticed something wasn't right with all my motorbike gear I left at his parents, it was all messed up...checked it all over...really long blonde hair left in the helmet and a thong stuffed into the jacket pocket. Seems the previous time he'd accused me, when I drove to his to prove I was volunteering, he'd gone out with his ex gfriend on his motorbike and he'd taken all my motorbike gear with him so she could wear it. Fucker. That stuff cost me a fortune!! Dumped there and then.

I've no idea why i stayed with him for so long because he'd lost his temper whilst I was driving him in my car and he punched the windscreen from the inside of the car and it shattered everywhere. He was a grade A wanker.

Too many to mention, but a particularly standout one involved registering himself as a French national at the town hall of the Italian city we moved to. Despite having dual Italian/French citizenship (born and raised in France though).

Many years later, he realised, for some reason, it may be beneficial to him to actually admit to being Italian and, according to DD, stormed into the town hall all guns blazing and demanded that he be registered there as Italian and insisting they had made a mistake and it was all their fault etc - his usual aggressive testerical mantrumming and intimidation of those the inadequate prick believed to be ‘beneath’ him. Thankfully I’d already left him by this point.

After they eventually did as he’d demanded, the guardia di finanzia (finance police) became involved, and wanted to know ALL his financial records for all the years he’d been living in France, Switzerland, UK and Italy. He was absolutely tearing his hair out trying to comply with providing all this paperwork (presumably to prove he wasn’t some kind of dodgy cross-border mafioso) and stressing that he might have to pay additional taxes.😂

That reminds me of 'Star Wars kid' 😂

My ex (while we were going out) used to read The Economist during sex. Described women as "receptacles". Mocked me endlessly for having gone to state school and for not doing PPE, like him.

Absolute, stone-cold wanker. Sad thing is that his type run our country.

Not mines but, I once overheard a man in whilst queuing in Poundland, telling his son remember that the ball he was holding was from Daddy and that his mommy hadn't paid him back the £5 he paid for the last ball he bought. The child looked about 3/4 years old. Turned my stomach, just hope she knows she's lucky to be rid of him.

2 things spring to mind -

The 1st ,about 6 months after we split, the kids were with me as my weekend (they were about 13 and 15 at the time) I was taken to hospital as became quite unwell . NO family lived nearby . My brother was closest (30 miles away with toddler and young baby )
Ex was away with friends at the time and refused to come home to be with the kids overnight (I was kept in hospital) - a friend had them instead. He sent his parents to be with the kids the next evening, by which point I was out of hospital !

The second , I have seen him on dating apps and he claims to be physically active !!!!!!
This is the same guy who circles a car park for 15 minutes in search of a space close to the supermarket !

TBF, we barely have to contact each other now. I borrow the odd power tool (not a euphamism ) and we remain civil for the kids (both adults now)

Another great term 'penismobile' :)

Knobhead

This is not at all the wankiest thing he did, but sticks in my mind.

We were running for the bus back when you could just jump on the open back last minute. We made it on just in time, he rushed to the very last seat and took it. Left me standing up like a lemon. What a gentleman.

Has his Mum do ALL HIS WASHING!!!! Apparently its because his washing machine is broken..... get a new one! And also this has been going on for years.

Had to check his postcode for a form. The listing for his house popped up so I had a snoop. Weight bench and stationery bike in the sitting room, anti-aging red light box in the bedroom, pop up sauna in the garden. He’s 57.

shagging his ex wife whilst I was minding their two kids

Shame we can't have a pervy hobbit emoji!

Mine hadn't seen Ds since he was 5 month, Just stopped hearing from him, One day out of the blue, our mutual friend messaged me saying he'd reached out to her and wanted to see DS (now 2 yrs old).
I told her that was fine but I didn't want to be anywhere near him, so I arranged for my mom to pick DS up from the childminders and meet him at a soft play place so he could see him.
He messaged my friend back and told her that was gonna be too late and he had something to do so he'd have to see him another time.
Apparently he must have been very busy since then because DS is about to b 4 and still hasn't set eyes on him.

He is very lucky to have you Helena. You're a great person.