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What is the wankiest thing you’ve seen your ex do?

933 replies

Magpiesinthegarden · 03/06/2026 13:51

That made you think - what a knob! And that you are well rid of them!

lighthearted thread -

I’ll go first -

Recently my ex changed his profile picture to this wanky AI generated image of him in the middle with a halo and two angels either side… he actually gave himself a halo 🤣 What a knobhead! Like he was Jesus 😳(He was a massive narcissist. My ex. Not Jesus)

What are the wankiest things your ex has ever done?

OP posts:
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7
Pugworld · 06/06/2026 17:07

Abruptly left me and the kids to shack up with a woman literally half his age, all the time insisting they were ' just friends'. He'd known her about three weeks.

She had a broken foot at the time, and was using a wheelchair. He wheeled her round to my house about a week later for his first contact visit with the kids. Had the absolute brass bollocks to ask if I could give her some of the Tramadol I'd been prescribed for chronic pain as she was in such agony. Got shouty when I said no.

Ladygodalmighty · 06/06/2026 13:39

MyDeftDuck · 03/06/2026 17:25

I’ve just thought up a new definition for these ex’s………Wankspanners!

Love it 😀

Thelnebriati · 06/06/2026 11:59

Ex stole DS's first edition Harry Potter books and a robot toy. They were pretty much the only things we had of any financial value, and DS was planning to sell them. DS is no contact with his Dad now.

KatharinaRosalie · 06/06/2026 11:45

Was the 'love of my life' (ha) and pretty much out of the blue told me he wants to break up. I was absolutely devastated, obviously. He, instead of offering at least a few platitudes, started telling me how much more upset he was when the girlfriend before me broke up with him. Because everything had to be about him. Wanker.

CamillaMcCauley · 06/06/2026 11:15

EvieBB · 05/06/2026 20:18

You're a wierdo

A weirdo who has also shared a couple of his own stories that he’s clearly still hung up on, while making snide comments about those doing the same!

I guess they must be very recent, as time heals, apparently!

LeftieRightsHoarder · 06/06/2026 11:08

My first visit to his flat, I noticed lengths of dental floss hanging from a shelf. Knowing he was into DIY and creative things, I asked what they were for. “Flossing my teeth,” he said. Yes: used, dried out, reused, dried out again. Ugh.

Winniepoobear · 06/06/2026 10:06

NameChangeMay2026 · 06/06/2026 01:20

Socks inside the bra to give him a bust! Jesus fucking Christ. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. What did he say???

Tbh I dont remember his reaction, I just remember mine lol ... he was a violent man when he used to drink, and he wud get so drunk that he would wet the bed too ... he had so many other wankiest things i could write a book lol.

After we divorced he ditched our 2 kids and didnt bother seeing them, so we moved away after 2 years, an I was the bad one for taking them away from him! Not seen him since thank fuck!

Heard hes married again now to an old friend of mine lol ... I hope she stocked up on extra underware and plastic sheets for her bed lol ..

NameChangeMay2026 · 06/06/2026 09:25

AnnListersBlister · 06/06/2026 07:45

Dressing gown plastic bag guy I mentioned earlier in this thread used to 'thump' too 😆 I feel embarrassed to admit that I found that perfectly normal! Dear lord. I've since realised that tantrums are for toddlers.

No way! Like, bunny hops? Not just stamping his foot? They were REALLY loud thuds. I literally thought someone was on the roof. (To be fair, he described them as bunny hops. I didn't actually see it!)

NameChangeMay2026 · 06/06/2026 09:23

EvieBB · 05/06/2026 20:18

You're a wierdo

Agree. Complete wierdo. Makes sense that some abusive wierdos would come to a well-known site like Mumsnet to be horrible to women, though.

Probably got a matchstick dick. 🤣

Delladuck · 06/06/2026 08:52

Namechange902 · 06/06/2026 08:23

Was it just the one Victorian girl? I’ve found tippy toes from the all our yesterdays range by Faye Whittaker?

Edited

Thank you,thats not the one though (I've already stitched that one-it lives in my bedroom)

It was a grey,rainy day,the little girl was more to the right and she was reaching up to the letterbox (I hated red after that!) with a load of victorian buildings behind her (I may have got a few details slightly out but it was definitely just the one girl-i remember whinging about her dress to a friend)

Im not sure if she was wearing a hat or not

(Im painting this out to be a real miserable picture!)

Im sure it was by the same lady,all our yesterday's does ring a bell (I have done a few of that range and they are lovely-i love the seaside ones)

cobalt123 · 06/06/2026 08:25

EvieBB · 05/06/2026 20:18

You're a wierdo

Ha. I actually misunderstood the first post in this little thread thinking they were saying something supportive. More fool me for assuming people have good intentions 🤦‍♀️. Turns out they are actually a pillock. Oh well.

Namechange902 · 06/06/2026 08:24

Forgot to add the picture

What is the wankiest thing you’ve seen your ex do?
Namechange902 · 06/06/2026 08:23

Delladuck · 05/06/2026 23:06

Thank you

I've done loads more over the years but none as special as that victorian girl with the letterbox

It was the smirk that wound me up the most

Was it just the one Victorian girl? I’ve found tippy toes from the all our yesterdays range by Faye Whittaker?

CocoaTea · 06/06/2026 08:19

Delladuck · 03/06/2026 17:45

Mine broke in and stole the kids bed/cot

He hadn't paid a penny for them but they where 'his' according to him

He also stole my bedding so we couldnt co-sleep until I got another bed/cot

I'd love to have seen his face when the police went round and made him give them back-he tried to give me his manky and filthy,nicotine stained double bed instead of the clean single one id bought 3 weeks earlier

He's still squawking about how unreasonable i was for ringing the police and his mum backed him up!

Saying that,the dirty bastard wanked over dds new jeans and tried to tell me id done it to 'get me into trouble'

🫣🫨

I had to re-read this several times. WTAF?

Aardvark123 · 06/06/2026 08:12

Lunde · 03/06/2026 23:00

I was very tempted - but in the end I couldn't do that to my lovely MIL

I always wondered how he managed to book the second wedding without divorce paperwork

Mine went one better, similar situation, booked the wedding before our divorce but by the time the decree nici came through there was less than 6 weeks to the wedding and you have the wait 6 weeks before applying for decree absolute. So he told me they had decided to have a blessing ceremony instead as everything was booked, and they would quietly get married later. What actually happened came out a couple of years later when they spilt up and she went to divorce him and found out they weren't actually married. It was a proper church wedding and he faked the divorce documents, she had no idea.

Happyhettie · 06/06/2026 07:53

I’ve had a few wanky boyfriends over the years.
One (after I had dumped him for a high number of wanky things) put on a dating app that his nickname was ‘Kewl’. He told me this because (he said) that’s what everyone called him. I had known him since we were 14. We were 24. It was not his nickname.

His name was Ben. He called his penis Little Ben. 🤢

When we were in the process of splitting up (which I had to do slowly and safely because he was a controlling shite) he moved in with one of his work friend’s sisters. He spun a whole sob story about his awful I was etc. and she needed a lodger so he moved in with her in her spare room.

I ended up getting the police involved due to his harassment / stalking and the police went to visit him.

I received a phone call from her asking me not to forward his post any more. She explained that after the police visit, she asked him to move out.

She was a nurse and had gone to work and when she came back he was gone. The absolute arsehole had taken his stuff, some of hers AND left the front door and back door wide open. The house was in a not very salubrious area of Manchester.

AnnListersBlister · 06/06/2026 07:45

NameChangeMay2026 · 05/06/2026 20:14

Omg, that reminds me of my covert narc ex, who would go silent during phone calls. So I wouldn't say anything either, and we'd both be sitting there on the phone not saying anything! I'm over half a century old, and I've never had anyone do that before or since. He was such a freakshow.

Once, we had an argument and then I went to have shower, as it was the morning. In the shower, I heard these deep, disturbing thumps/thuds. They were really loud. I genuinely thought that someone was messing about on the roof - top floor flat linked to other buildings.

Turns out it was him, doing what he called "bunny hops" on the floor.

So yeah, turned out that when he was upset, he thumped like a rabbit does when they're annoyed.

I'm just sad I didn't see it!

Edit: And also similar to the post above, mine would expect me to see through walls. He would disappear while we were out shopping and I'd gone to the loo or something, and then he'd get annoyed that I didn't know he was waiting in the stairwell. say, me having searched the shop floor.

Edited

Dressing gown plastic bag guy I mentioned earlier in this thread used to 'thump' too 😆 I feel embarrassed to admit that I found that perfectly normal! Dear lord. I've since realised that tantrums are for toddlers.

Galaxylights · 06/06/2026 07:31

AlternateLook · 05/06/2026 10:01

Trying too hard. I can see you're still affected by an ex. Shame. Time heals, they say...😘

Sorry but the point has completely flown over your head. Your lack of comprehension is obvious when the point is not, to you.

You are on a thread which asked a question. People responded to that question. That is what they are doing.

HTH.

Bojosgirl · 06/06/2026 06:48

BeMellowAquaSquid · 03/06/2026 22:11

My ex turned up to our Dds birthday party having never been interested in designer clothing but had obviously taken fashion advice from new younger girlfriend. He was clad head to toe in that monogram LV pattern. My mum asked him why he had come dressed as a suitcase when it wasn’t fancy dress.

I think I might love your mum. That's priceless 😂

SezFrankly · 06/06/2026 06:10

ThePeppyOpalScroller · 03/06/2026 14:17

Took "his" lightbulbs when he moved out.

This seems underrated. A complete knob move 😂

NameChangeMay2026 · 06/06/2026 01:20

Winniepoobear · 05/06/2026 22:06

Oh ...this is a good thread! Ive a list, but this was the final nail in thine coffin!

I went over to my friends one night, had a couple girly drinks, came home .. quite unexpected (no not to find another woman - or even a man) but what i found was him dressed up in my underware, with stockings and suspenders on. He even had his socks inside my bra to give him a bust!!!!!

Ive never told the words to anyone in my life & ive been divorced for over 26 years now lol ..

Edited

Socks inside the bra to give him a bust! Jesus fucking Christ. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. What did he say???

OneNewEagle · 06/06/2026 01:19

PinkNailPolish2026 · 03/06/2026 22:31

I wouldn’t wish him on anyone but I do have a little inward smile on occasion when I see him pop up online. He was repulsive in the end after court, I had to learn to laugh at him as you probably did too after going through that shit. There’s nothing else you can do. I think the funniest thing was when he found out I’d remarried and messaged my DH on facebook telling him he knew where he was and would be there the following Saturday. My DH was deployed to Afghanistan at the time and I’d moved hundreds of miles away, I often wonder where he actually went that Saturday ha ha ha

I’ve got ptsd etc from mine unfortunately as I had ten years of abuse prior to court. I then received a death threat last year 25 years after I last saw him so I had to get the police involved. he doesn’t know where I live as I moved hundreds of miles away years ago.

NameChangeMay2026 · 06/06/2026 01:16

DeadBug · 05/06/2026 23:38

So many brave, sad, scary and/or funny stories.
But I just want to give a special thanks to the pp who was accused of chewing the table mats 😂. I actually woke up laughing about that one this morning.

I went to sleep giggling about that one last night! Accused of chewing table mats, like she was a bad puppy or something! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

GingersOwner26 · 06/06/2026 01:08

Noshowlomo · 05/06/2026 12:51

Mine is so tame compared, but my second ever boyfriend, god he was weird. He told me he’d had As in his GCSEs and was doing maths and something else clever in college. Turned out he had Cs and Ds and absolutely no friends.

He would argue with me at my house, and one night he rang from a phone box (this was 27 years ago!) and he said “I’ve left a little surprise for you, under your pillow” in a really over the top sinister voice like he was doing a voice over for a horror film. He’d ripped up all my photos of us and left them under my pillow. I called my friend sobbing and she drove me to Tesco for a massive bar of dairy milk to cheer me up. It did take me another 2 months to dump him and after that he stalked me for months, even knocking on the door of the boy I started seeing, asking if he could let me go so he could ask me out again 😂 SW you are a fucking massive TOOL

My university boyfriend was full of it about the top marks he got in his exams at the end of our first year. When we had our first lot of second year exams, he was stressing about expecting to fail (that's what happens when you have two girlfriends on the go at the same time, you stupid cock) and he let slip that actually, he'd barely scraped through those first year ones. He just made his other grades up because he wanted to be able to say that he'd done better than me.

DeadBug · 05/06/2026 23:38

So many brave, sad, scary and/or funny stories.
But I just want to give a special thanks to the pp who was accused of chewing the table mats 😂. I actually woke up laughing about that one this morning.