What is the wankiest thing you’ve seen your ex do?

I have a fb one

We where at home one day and a small cat wandered into our kitchen

Kids where over the moon and wanted to keep it (i said no as kitty must have as good home already)

It finally wandered off and I put up a jokey comment on fb calling it 'cooking fat' (an old joke my father likes to tell-cooking fat/fucking cat)

Anyway,ex saw this status and hit the roof-he started to row with himself in the comments as myself and my friends where watching him slug it out in real time

It was bloody amusing watching him having this row with himself and my messenger was going mental with my mates laughing at him

Finally some poor soul who i went to school with,asked what he thought he was doing?

He sprang into the insults against this person (who must have been confused) and ended it by saying 'my mum will have you and she'll have della too!' before unfriending himself (ex is 8 stone wet through and school friend is a body builder)

About 6 weeks later,wed gone to his hometown a few miles away from where we live to see the local fair that happens every year

We turned a corner and there he was,walking towards us with his sister

He immediately started with the 'my mum is going to batter you!' before running away,leaving his sister standing there,looking even more confused

This was 15 years ago-im still waiting

He was in his 4 months from turning 40 at the time

I’ve just thought up a new definition for these ex’s………Wankspanners!

ExH has a highly inflated opinion of himself and believes he is some sort of intellectual. He is also intensely competitive.

We were watching a story on the news about the middle east. They mentioned a town and I said “oh that’s where Rameses II defeated the Hittites”. Not wanting to sound like a wanker myself I immediately qualified this with “I only know that as I was watching a program about it yesterday”.

I thought no more of it until several days later when he triumphantly announced to me that he had been researching the aforementioned battle for the previous few days and that it was not certain at all that Rameses II had been victorious and therefore I was wrong!

yeah, no one cares mate 🙄

This is the precursor of modern men who carry feminist literature around on show to try and get laid

the misunderstood sensitive types

Wow. What an absolute tosser! 🤣

Knowing I was desperate for a second baby paid privately to have a vasectomy so he wouldn't get the woman he was shagging pregnant.

'ckin' 'ell...

My exdp demanded our younger 2 dc have DNA tests to avoid paying £7 a week maintenance...

Hes not worked in 7 years to avoid payment and not contributed 1p to our 4 dc.

My kids dad is an absolute prize wanker. They haven't seen him for years and dont want to.
When the kids were younger he would frequently refuse to pay maintenance. One of his reasons for doing this was that he claimed I would spend the money on myself and not the kids. His proposed solution was that he wanted to send me a Sainsbury's order each week to the tune of the maintenance. With stuff like ready meals so he 'knew' they were getting a 'square meal' of 'quality food'.

Unsurprisingly CMS didn't share his good idea and moved him to collect and pay.

OMG my worst ever DP ( and there was stiff competition) once did this after I broke up with him. He was the absolute worst parasitic cocklodger imagineable, he refused to work as the only jobs he would have been able to get he considered 'beneath him'. So he never had any money and used to pilfer food from my fridge.

Anyway, after I'd finally seen sense and binned him off, he sent me an email ostensibly from his teenage daughter telling me all about how they were now living in a lovely house and he was buying a flash car and so on. The odd thing was I'd never given him the impression that these were the sort of things that would impress me.

LOL no 😆😆😆. I do remember him though!

What a sad little life, Jane…

Got a Dexter tattoo on his arse, including a woman riding a dolphin and the word ‘sploosh’.

Screeched, ‘BUBBBBBLES!’ like a character from Finding Nemo when he was handed a glass of champagne at a nice restaurant.

Wore a sateen shirt and square-toed loafers with Paul Hollywood jeans, altogether. All on the same date.

Get thee in the bin, Sir.

Arrived to pick up DD from my house wearing a wifebeater vest to proudly display his lovebites from his new 18 year old girlfriend. He swaggered up the path grinning broadly, utterly convinced that I was distraught with jealousy, and spent the next week pumping DD (12 at the time) for details of what I'd said about it, and if I'd cried. Twat.

A psychologist’s dream!

He was the 'Jane' guy in CDWM wasn't he?

@GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf THIS is golden 🤣

Need a laughing emoji. What a tit.

@ThePlantPotter I’d have hired a J Lo lookalike and have him ‘bump into me having a coffee with my friend I just met at the gym recently ’ and be like ‘hang on a minute isn’t this your new girlfriend?’ I reckon if you explained the story any reasonable j Lo impersonator would do the job for free 😂 I’d deffo come and watch as I’m sure most on this thread would. Would be a hoot 😂

Mine posted a video on Facebook of him and a 20 something friend conducting an Ayahuasca ritual in Peru. He is not a shaman, and is knocking on 60.

OMG. Is he still breathing?

I got a letter sent to my house in his name.... obviously I was nosey and could see through the envelope.... was from the police investigating petrol theft against his car.... Lucky escape.

My exH was a rubbish driver, careless, arrogant and often ignoring speed limits. When he got his final speeding ticket, taking his points close to the limit for a ban, he tried coercing and bullying me to say that I'd been driving and take the points on my clean licence. He screamed and sulked when I refused point blank and wouldn't back down.

Made a complete tit of himself on national TV by shouting repeated insults. I won’t name the programme as I’m too embarrassed.

He also sold his house, then bought himself designer clothes. The last I heard, he was living in a camper van.

This wins 😂😂😂😂😂😂
He obvs either doesn’t know who J Lo is or you are one of these people who claims to not watch tv or know any pop culture but really you do 😂😂😂

Absolute bell end 🤣🤣