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What is the wankiest thing you’ve seen your ex do?

933 replies

Magpiesinthegarden · 03/06/2026 13:51

That made you think - what a knob! And that you are well rid of them!

lighthearted thread -

I’ll go first -

Recently my ex changed his profile picture to this wanky AI generated image of him in the middle with a halo and two angels either side… he actually gave himself a halo 🤣 What a knobhead! Like he was Jesus 😳(He was a massive narcissist. My ex. Not Jesus)

What are the wankiest things your ex has ever done?

OP posts:
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7
SleeplessInWherever · 03/06/2026 19:07

JudgeJ · 03/06/2026 18:48

I hope he was supporting the right team!

He was supporting the one that lost… and lost their semi final.

Sure that will explain it 😂

pinkyredrose · 03/06/2026 19:00

Delladuck · 03/06/2026 18:55

God no

He's the tightest person I've ever met

He stopped paying for me years ago,about the time i started secondary school-it wouldn't have dawned on him to do a shop or slip me a few quid for nappies

He did buy (then) baby dd an outfit from a car boot sale once-it cost him 10p and almost 30 years on,he still bangs on about it (the only thing he ever bought my dc andd they are adult's now)

He (and my mother) are the tightest people I know-there is tight and then there is them

Im nc with them

Wow! I don't blame you!

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 03/06/2026 18:59

liamharha · 03/06/2026 18:18

Told our 14 year old daughter he had a new daughter now so didn't need to see her

Fucking pile of shite 😡

GYNisaliarWTF · 03/06/2026 18:58

2 weeks post breakup- Slept with a girl we were mutually friends with (I was very close to her) and got her pregnant, something her husband wasn’t capable of doing due to ill health so I quite enjoyed both seeing who he really was & her explaining her way out of that one.

Cyclebabble · 03/06/2026 18:57

Was living with partner and it was not working. He agreed to move out. Fine sounded as amicable as these things can be. He moved out in the day when I was not there. Mistake on my part. He took loads of stuff which was not his and also he took every light bulb as apparently he had purchased all of those. Split was not amicable after that point.

ilovesushi · 03/06/2026 18:55

I need more info about the profile pic. What on earth possessed him to make himself look like an angel/ Jesus? Has he been sucked into a cult? Is he a cult leader? Are you sure he hasn't passed and a grieving relative has added it? Too weird.

Delladuck · 03/06/2026 18:55

pinkyredrose · 03/06/2026 18:28

Your father is minted but you couldn't afford bread? Did he not help you out?

Glad the plan worked though.

God no

He's the tightest person I've ever met

He stopped paying for me years ago,about the time i started secondary school-it wouldn't have dawned on him to do a shop or slip me a few quid for nappies

He did buy (then) baby dd an outfit from a car boot sale once-it cost him 10p and almost 30 years on,he still bangs on about it (the only thing he ever bought my dc andd they are adult's now)

He (and my mother) are the tightest people I know-there is tight and then there is them

Im nc with them

JudgeJ · 03/06/2026 18:48

SleeplessInWherever · 03/06/2026 13:53

Mine went to London over the bank holiday weekend.

35 degrees in Wembley Stadium and he’s wearing a long sleeve tshirt, jeans and hiking socks.

Enjoy your heatstroke, loser.

I hope he was supporting the right team!

Yorkshirelass04 · 03/06/2026 18:46

Showed up on my doorstep with a new haircut and designer cardigan to see if I wanted to talk about getting back together. When I wasn't interested, he took the opportunity to point out the designer brand of the cardigan. Yes very nice dear.

Same person borrowed money from me to pay rent (£600). Said that as we weren't going out anymore he wasn't giving any of it back. 6 months later he thought it was funny to start to send me £0.01p each month. Still no thank you.

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 03/06/2026 18:43

vanessashanessa99 · 03/06/2026 17:07

This was years ago but he learned pretty quickly I don't stand for that behaviour (we was both 19 at the time)
A little old lady who lived three doors away from us stood at bus stop in town in the pouring rain with 4 shopping bags. I said "aww let me stop and pick Beryl (not her name) up" and he said "bus will be here soon fk her". I said a few choice words & made him get out and get the bus home. Dropped her home. Unpacked her shopping made her a cup of tea.
He appeared about 40mins later piss wet through.

Massive respect to you for that x

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 03/06/2026 18:39

ChasingRainbow5 · 03/06/2026 14:27

I made chilli for dinner. I gave him a bit more rice than I gave myself, as I’d always give him more carbs. He felt I’d short changed him on the chilli, despite there being loads more in the pot which he was welcome to have.

After a ridiculous argument in which I calmly pointed this out, he went over to the kitchen counter to - I thought - top up his portion.

No.

No no.

He got the scales out of a drawer and, in the most pointless act of passive aggression I’ve ever seen, silently WEIGHED HIS DINNER.

As the whole stupid farcical argument was about the chilli to rice ratio and not the overall amount in the bowl, I completely ignored him.

Years later one of my friends will occasionally sigh and say “he weighed his dinner” with a wry little smile.

The last paragraph of your comment….. had me LOL 😂

Arlanymor · 03/06/2026 18:38

AInightingale · 03/06/2026 18:19

Was too busy spending time with his new girlfriend to see the kids. After a six- week silence he finally got in touch to tell me his father had bowel cancer and was on his deathbed.
A week later a bus stopped beside me and the father and mother jumped off it. He never had cancer of any description and is still alive four years later.

Oh you've reminded me. When I was married I had a wreath delivered to my home. My BIL had told his work that his brother (my H) had died because he had used up all of his holiday and he wanted to go away with his new squeeze...

And that was just my BIL, my ex himself was also a stunning piece of work!

Notthisagainyouidiot · 03/06/2026 18:37

My ex described things as his, never ours. I knew he did it a bit but not to the extent he was doing it.
So his business, his vehicle, his property.
All mine and we weren't married.

Dawnintheageofaquariams · 03/06/2026 18:34

He was 31 when we split up.
Within weeks dating a 19yr old student hairdresser.
Got a massive arm tattoo, and eyebrow piercing.
Walked into a bar with the poor girl whilst I was with a friend.
Friend fell off chair laughing, actually, not metaphorically, as he looked like that Friends episode where Joey tries to play a teenager.
That was the moment I knew I was alright.
His new relationship didn't last.

CharlottePotatoes · 03/06/2026 18:33

Asked him to bring something to cut the cake at our child’s birthday party. Like a normal human he brought an entire wrap of brand new chef’s knives and spread them all out in front of everyone 🙄 he’s not a chef.

Neveragainplease · 03/06/2026 18:30

Roomonthe3rdfloor · 03/06/2026 14:00

Exist

Mine persists in this behaviour

LadyWhistledownsSocietyPapers · 03/06/2026 18:28

ThePlantPotter · 03/06/2026 14:21

When I broke up with him he tried to make me jealous by showing me a photo of his new girlfriend. It was a photo of Jennifer Lopez 😂.

This is hilarious!

auserna · 03/06/2026 18:28

QuietlyWonderful · 03/06/2026 17:57

Whereas, wherever you happen to be in the country, everybody will laugh when you tell them this story!

Haha - yes, very true! And, as you can probably tell, I have retold it many times. Tosser.

pinkyredrose · 03/06/2026 18:28

Delladuck · 03/06/2026 16:13

My ex left me with two small kids and refused to pay anything for them 'as you'll only spend it on yourself'

The csa where worse than useless

Not long after,he fell into the world of drugs and became a dealer

It was cringy to watch him flash £10k in cash while I was scraping loose change to buy nappies

Silly prat changed his pin number to the kids birthdays (so let's say their birthdays where 10/1/1998 and 20/2/2000,his pin was 1020)

Silly prat had their names and dates of birth tattooed on his arm and mentioned to his friends that his kids birthdays where his pin numbers

'Unfortunately' (for him) these people saw him for the pillock he is,stole his card and used his pin to spend all his ill gotten gains

Bank refused to refund him as his pin was literally tattooed on his arm (which he proudly pointed out) and the dealers where not best happy with him (hes not the brightest,he would take cheques from people for the drugs)

Around this time,flatscreen tvs where becoming a thing,along with dvd players

I couldn't afford a loaf of bread,which he knew but my father played a blinder

He knew ex couldn't bear to not have the latest 'thing' if someone else had something,he wouldn't rest until he had it too (ex also knows my father is genuinely loaded)

My father happened to bump into him in the street and mentioned that not only had he bought 'one of those new tv's and dvd players,ive bought one for every room in the house' (Utter bollocks,my father doesn't spend money)

Ex saw red and rushed out to buy himself 3/4 tvs and dvd players (at this point the players where about £400/500 each and the tvs about a grand

A few weeks later,my father let slip to a friend of ex that he was upgrading my mothers car to one that cost 100,000k and a posh motorbike for himself and that they where going away on a 5* holiday,knowing it would get back to ex but ex was too thick and greedy to actually check-he just heard of someone having something he didnt and would rush to buy it

It worked,ex upgraded-this went on for months-my father claiming he'd bought something for cash and ex running out to buy it for real on credit

Everything from underpants to doing up a house he rented,you name it,my father claimed he'd bought it and ex fell over himself to do the same

Was a good day when he went bankrupt about a year later and within a few months after that,he went to prison for the drug dealing

He still blames my father for him going bankrupt and its nothing to do with his own greed

Your father is minted but you couldn't afford bread? Did he not help you out?

Glad the plan worked though.

Delladuck · 03/06/2026 18:26

CryptoFascist · 03/06/2026 18:03

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Did you report him for the last part? That is sexual abuse.

Yes but the police didnt want to know

Dd was two years old and the courts ordered me to allow contact for 3 hours every other Saturday

I'd saved and saved (as i was a skint single parent but fell in love with them) to buy her the most adorable bootcut jeans that had the sweetest embroidery along the bottom (I think I bought them in woolworths,the ladybird range)

She wanted to wear them with her lion king jumper and he changed her into a shabby,dirty and torn pair so his niece could have them

When I hit the roof and insisted on having them back,he went home,came back within 20 minutes and handed them over all screwed up

I unscrewed them to find his 'juice' all over them

The police and courts told me there was nothing they could do as I couldn't prove it was his (photos and his smirking ugly face meant nothing)

He went to prison a few months later for drug dealing

His mother stuck up for the dirty bastard and claims I put it there to 'frame him'

Noidea2026 · 03/06/2026 18:25

Magpiesinthegarden · 03/06/2026 13:51

That made you think - what a knob! And that you are well rid of them!

lighthearted thread -

I’ll go first -

Recently my ex changed his profile picture to this wanky AI generated image of him in the middle with a halo and two angels either side… he actually gave himself a halo 🤣 What a knobhead! Like he was Jesus 😳(He was a massive narcissist. My ex. Not Jesus)

What are the wankiest things your ex has ever done?

I love this 🤣

got a hair transplant when our daughter was a newborn, because his friend joked he was losing his hair (he wasn’t) we didn’t have a pot to piss in but ok. Then wore a hat !!! After spending all that money on the procedure and the hormone treatment after. I’d realised before that point I was done

if that’s not bad enough he had another one , about 6 months ago , still wears a hat 🤣🤣🤣🤣

AInightingale · 03/06/2026 18:19

Was too busy spending time with his new girlfriend to see the kids. After a six- week silence he finally got in touch to tell me his father had bowel cancer and was on his deathbed.
A week later a bus stopped beside me and the father and mother jumped off it. He never had cancer of any description and is still alive four years later.

DierdreDaphne · 03/06/2026 18:19

SpidersAreShitheads · 03/06/2026 14:40

I was on relatively friendly terms with my ex, so when his DM got diagnosed with cancer I was happy to provide support over messages. (We’d been on-off for several years but I’d never met her).

One day he said he was taking his DM to the hospital for cancer treatment and would be there a while. He asked if I’d come and meet him there and give him a blow job to “cheer him up” while he was waiting.

Strangely, I refused. He thought I was most unreasonable. I also severed contact with him. Fucking ick, ick, ick.

Oh my GOD 😭😭🤢

liamharha · 03/06/2026 18:18

Told our 14 year old daughter he had a new daughter now so didn't need to see her

NiftyGreenBiscuit · 03/06/2026 18:18

ChasingRainbow5 · 03/06/2026 14:27

I made chilli for dinner. I gave him a bit more rice than I gave myself, as I’d always give him more carbs. He felt I’d short changed him on the chilli, despite there being loads more in the pot which he was welcome to have.

After a ridiculous argument in which I calmly pointed this out, he went over to the kitchen counter to - I thought - top up his portion.

No.

No no.

He got the scales out of a drawer and, in the most pointless act of passive aggression I’ve ever seen, silently WEIGHED HIS DINNER.

As the whole stupid farcical argument was about the chilli to rice ratio and not the overall amount in the bowl, I completely ignored him.

Years later one of my friends will occasionally sigh and say “he weighed his dinner” with a wry little smile.

🤣🤣🤣