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Original poster

Was I wrong to refuse doing something unethical and maybe illegal?

32 replies

Addfree · 03/06/2026 10:09

I work on for a small business, as a contractor and have worked closely with them for a few years to a point they became my only client two years ago.

As I was successful in helping them make a lot of money, I was also given some equity so I own a very small % of the business.

The CEO has always been a problem for me. I find people easy to get on with at work, but he strikes me as not having integrity. Which makes me quite stressed and when I worked closely with him I found I got insomnia and anxiety.

Typical problematic behaviour = truth twisting, goalpost moving, gaslighting, trying to force ridiculous deadlines, playing people off against each other, not sticking with agreements. Very charming, affable, but just snake-like and reacts with rage if you dissent.

One particular problem was me is that he's always pushing boundaries of what is or isn't ethical in a way that makes me uncomfortable.

For example he might lie to thousands of clients in order to make more sales, or he might break terms of conditions of a supplier and say it doesn't matter because they won't find out. And he'd force me to go along with it.

I understand to a degree this is founder mentality, but as I'm a really ethical person that's uncomfortable with anything like this, I've taken a step back to avoid the stress he causes me.

Anyway, I was doing a project for them under really high pressure recently, and it was a project that involved financial services so everything about it was extremely highly regulated. Every word was scrutinised by experts for weeks.

The CEO wasn't really involved, but then at the 11th hour, the he tried to get me to change something that was going out to a million customers which broke significant FCA guidelines.

I explained calmly and patiently that we couldn't do that and he went absolutely mad at me - threats, insults, telling me I had no authority. I told him if he wanted to do it, he could, but that I didn't want to be involved.

To be clear = what he was asking me to do was definitely unethical, dishonest and probably also illegal. He was doing it when there was literally about 15 minutes before going to print and as mentioned dealing with him has already given me insomnia and anxiety.

But he's been very threatening. I'm on a retainer for example where I'm paid every month and I'm a single parent and he's threatened to stop paying me as a result of my refusal.

In terms of potential results, no I was not personally at risk (beyond Professional damage if it got out) but he was at risk along with the international project manager. Quite serious risk.

Professionally speaking was I in the wrong here? Are you meant to just follow orders even if you believe them to be unethical or even illegal?

I've got no money for lawyers, and because he's said he's stopping my retainer I'm really panicking.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Jopo12 · 03/06/2026 17:41

As others have said you did the right thing, and what a crappy thing to do to you!

Regarding your employment status, it does sound like you are employed on all but name, and the IR35 rules probably apply to you. I suggest you research this and decide if you should actually be employed.

The consequences of this being found out by HMRC would be both and the company being fined and having to back-pay however many years NI contributions you both owe. You wouldn't get any back sick pay or pension or any other benefits though, it doesn't work like that.

Your boss has likely put you in this situation to save himself money and this hasn't been on your best interest I'm afraid.

If you report him, this may come out in the wash and coat you money. Clearly you've not broken any rules on purpose but HMRC won't care about that, they will just demand their money.

Bohemond23 · 03/06/2026 12:23

They are breaking the law by 'employing' you in this way.
IR35 is UK tax legislation designed to determine whether contractors working through intermediaries, such as personal service companies (PSCs), are effectively employees for tax purposes, with compliance responsibilities now largely falling on the client or employer.

Bonkers2026 · 03/06/2026 12:10

Boreded · 03/06/2026 11:51

You need to whistleblow

Who are they going to whistelblow to?

OP needs to protect their peace and find a new employment.

Mumtofourandnomore · 03/06/2026 12:05

Well done to you for standing your ground ! You were absolutely right and it seems you have the support of other senior leaders. It’s hard to stand up for yourself in the face of bullying like this so great job - even if it feels stressful. I’d agree that you could try looking for something else but being able to hold your ground is the right thing to do.

Boreded · 03/06/2026 11:51

You need to whistleblow

Original poster
Addfree · 03/06/2026 11:46

Just normal self assessment. I got no benefit out if it, it was just what they offered. I'd have much preferred the benefits of things like such leave or holiday pay!

No, I did not get the threat to stop paying me in writing. He did it by phone. I spoke to the CFO and COO about it and they told me that wouldn't happen.

I did get the entire exchange where he asked me to do the illegal thing and then flew into a rage when I would not comply in writing though.

No, the thing didn't happen.

For full context I was meant to be on a couple of days off for minor surgery. As mentioned I've had anxiety issues from work and was massively terrified about the surgery and feeling not at all well. So I was really not in a good place.

COO was managing this project and we'd had everything ready to go before I took the 2 days leave for the surgery. Then as I was recovering in bed, CEO started messaging me 15 minutes before the deadline telling me to change the text that had passed through legal compliance.

I calmly explained it wasn't legally compliant. He messaged back saying nobody would find out. I started having a huge panic attack because the deadline was now about 10 minutes and I was ill and being asked to do something I felt was morally indefensible and probably illegal.

Then from there he just started attacking me. Multiple calls, horrible text messages. It was so inappropriate and I was already feeling really ill. I asked the project leader what to do and he said CEO was wrong and to go ahead with the compliant version which is what I did.

I'm just shaken up and tearful and feel he's positioned me as insubordinate or difficult and I really don't think that's fair because what he was asking me to do wasn't right.

OP posts:
Comtesse · 03/06/2026 11:45

Sounds really bad. You need to get a new plan. This guy sounds like a psychopath.

Hoppinggreen · 03/06/2026 11:34

You are unlikely to be in trouble with HMRC but they will
How do you pay Tax?

Original poster
Addfree · 03/06/2026 11:33

Thank you.

I don't have a company really, I just started out freelance doing a few hours a week on ad hoc projects. Things sort of escalated and I ended up being full time (and then some) and when my hourly / performance based fees got very high (because I was doing well) they switched me to a monthly retainer + equity.

I work full time for them. I am presented publicly as an employee and so on, so I think I probably am in working practice an employee but when I said this to the CEO he told me I'd get in trouble with HMRC if I said that. Which I don't understand because I pay more tax and not less being self employed. Threatening me subtly isn't abnormal for him.

What he asked me to do, if it went public, which it had a possibility to would have ruined my career in any serious business. I checked and it was almost definitely illegal. Selling of financial products in a misleading way. This isn't the first time he's pressured me to do something not technically legal but this was definitely the worst.

I'm glad people think I did the right thing because he really got in my head telling me I had no authority to refuse a simple request, that he was the decision maker, that nobody else at the company would do that and then he really assassinated my character by claiming colleagues have told him behind my back that I don't treat him with enough respect.

In reality many colleagues have told me behind his back that they think he's unfit for his job, dishonest, unethical, etc. but I would never say that and I think he's probably trying to punish me mentally and emotionally for saying no.

OP posts:
Snaletrale · 03/06/2026 11:33

Did he go ahead and do it anyway? If he did, you have a bargaining chip for your retainer by threatening to report him.

DinoLil · 03/06/2026 11:30

Don't do it.
I found myself in exactly the same situation ten years ago, got the blame and ended up with a suspended prison sentence.
Get away. FAST!

MJxJones · 03/06/2026 11:27

Did he put in writing that he's not paying your retainer?. If not email him today and get him to confirm and the reason why.

Hoppinggreen · 03/06/2026 11:26

TheBloomingDahlia · 03/06/2026 10:42

If she is a contractor on retainer then it sounds like she’s self employed with barely any rights

Show quote history

I don't think she is
Its not a decision solely in her or the Companys hands, there are official guidelines from HMRC
Purely from what she says here it sounds like she may be considered employed in legal terms and that usually comes with rights

BuckChuckets · 03/06/2026 11:24

Being freelance and not having enough clients that losing one or too won't have too much of an impact is a very risky move. Having just one client is absolutely crazy!

YoBetty · 03/06/2026 11:17

TheBloomingDahlia · 03/06/2026 10:42

If she is a contractor on retainer then it sounds like she’s self employed with barely any rights

Show quote history

The OP has said that this business is her only client and she isn't doing any work for anybody else. There are rules governing who is and who is not considered an employee on the HMRC website. That means you should be able to set your own pay and conditions, hours of work, method of payment and a host of other things. If you can't do that, then it makes you an employee.

The other thing to consider of course, is that the OP is a shareholder in the business, so it is going to be a lot more difficult for the business owner than he thinks it is to get rid of her.

OP - if you think this is unethical and probably illegal, don't do it. Your professional integrity is at stake here, and you could be held liable if you do something you know to be wrong. I used to be self-employed and more than one of my clients asked me to fiddle their VAT for them. I declined and told them they were no longer my client.

APinkAndSpottyGiraffey · 03/06/2026 11:15

First answer nails it.

Btw, a ‘highly ethical person’ would not be working for this man with any possible alternative available.

I’d also recommend liquidating your shares asap as this business may not be in around for long!

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 03/06/2026 11:04

Speak to ACAS or CAB. I wouldn't continue to work for someone in those circumstances and I would tell him why. Report him and let him deal with the consequences.

whackwhackoops · 03/06/2026 11:00

Addfree · 03/06/2026 10:09

I work on for a small business, as a contractor and have worked closely with them for a few years to a point they became my only client two years ago.

As I was successful in helping them make a lot of money, I was also given some equity so I own a very small % of the business.

The CEO has always been a problem for me. I find people easy to get on with at work, but he strikes me as not having integrity. Which makes me quite stressed and when I worked closely with him I found I got insomnia and anxiety.

Typical problematic behaviour = truth twisting, goalpost moving, gaslighting, trying to force ridiculous deadlines, playing people off against each other, not sticking with agreements. Very charming, affable, but just snake-like and reacts with rage if you dissent.

One particular problem was me is that he's always pushing boundaries of what is or isn't ethical in a way that makes me uncomfortable.

For example he might lie to thousands of clients in order to make more sales, or he might break terms of conditions of a supplier and say it doesn't matter because they won't find out. And he'd force me to go along with it.

I understand to a degree this is founder mentality, but as I'm a really ethical person that's uncomfortable with anything like this, I've taken a step back to avoid the stress he causes me.

Anyway, I was doing a project for them under really high pressure recently, and it was a project that involved financial services so everything about it was extremely highly regulated. Every word was scrutinised by experts for weeks.

The CEO wasn't really involved, but then at the 11th hour, the he tried to get me to change something that was going out to a million customers which broke significant FCA guidelines.

I explained calmly and patiently that we couldn't do that and he went absolutely mad at me - threats, insults, telling me I had no authority. I told him if he wanted to do it, he could, but that I didn't want to be involved.

To be clear = what he was asking me to do was definitely unethical, dishonest and probably also illegal. He was doing it when there was literally about 15 minutes before going to print and as mentioned dealing with him has already given me insomnia and anxiety.

But he's been very threatening. I'm on a retainer for example where I'm paid every month and I'm a single parent and he's threatened to stop paying me as a result of my refusal.

In terms of potential results, no I was not personally at risk (beyond Professional damage if it got out) but he was at risk along with the international project manager. Quite serious risk.

Professionally speaking was I in the wrong here? Are you meant to just follow orders even if you believe them to be unethical or even illegal?

I've got no money for lawyers, and because he's said he's stopping my retainer I'm really panicking.

My suggestion too - under the FCA you can rely on them for complete anonymity too. Keep yourself protected.

Edited - sorry meant to quote "report to FCA"

Gladystheimpaler · 03/06/2026 10:49

Have you put down your concerns in writing? I wpuld even if its after the fact, just an email to say 'as we discussed, I have advised you not to proceed with x course of action and advised you if the risks'

It looks like you are going to need a new job whether you leave or are pushed, so cover your arse now. If you leave, you can document all the concerns you have had in an email rather than ringfenced to this most recent one, and emphasise how you have advised and recommended against these each time but recognise - as he has stated - that the decision ultimately sits with him.

TheBloomingDahlia · 03/06/2026 10:42

Hoppinggreen · 03/06/2026 10:40

Sounds like you are an Employee with all the rights that entails
Get proper Legal Advice

If she is a contractor on retainer then it sounds like she’s self employed with barely any rights

whitefluffydog · 03/06/2026 10:41

you are financially abused and coerced by an employer

Tortephant · 03/06/2026 10:40

This is not founder/entrepreneur mentality at all. .

protect your own reputation and integrity, these come above all else. He’s behaviour is not something to be associated with.

speak to CA. And as others have said, whistle blow.

Hoppinggreen · 03/06/2026 10:40

Sounds like you are an Employee with all the rights that entails
Get proper Legal Advice

Erin1975 · 03/06/2026 10:37

Firstly you are absolutely correct to refuse to do someting that goes agains FCA rules. It sounds like this relationship has broken down and you need to find a new contract or employment.

If you are a contractor then there shold be a clause in your contract which details how much notice either party has to give to end the contract. If he is going to stop paying you then you need to check the contract to see how he can go about doing that. They may or may not have to give you some payment depending on how it was agreed the contract can be terminated.

The fact you own a small percentage of the company is likely to be irrelevant. It only has value if you can sell it to someone and if he owns the other percentage then he is the only person you can realistically sell it to.

Pearlstillsinging · 03/06/2026 10:30

Obviously you were not unreasonable in this instance BUT YABU to have restricted yourself to working solely for this company, while knowing what the CEO was like and not leaving yourself an easy exit. Do you check his requirements by email? You should have a paper trail in case action is taken against you.