Could you still hold a grudge against someone from primary school?

I don't focus on my live beefs and they don't affect my life but yes in honesty I do have them. I think its perfectly possible to do so.

The thing a lot of people seem to misunderstand is that not wishing to have anything to do with my school bullies doesn’t impact my day-to-day life. people are quick to comment about how harmful holding a grudge is and how it just holds you back, but that’s not always the case.

I don’t think about mine unless I see them. I’ve built a solid happy life for myself. I just have no desire to have chats with people who made my life hell. And I feel no obligation to make them feel better about their childhood actions by allowing them to trample my boundaries as an adult.

One of mine whinges on social media every time she tries to talk to me and I walk away. Apparently it would be healing for us both if I just listened, then we could move on. I healed myself years ago, and moved on. I listened politely the first time I bumped into her, wished her well and asked her to leave me be. But I didn’t say “It’s ok” and apparently they “need” that. And cannot see that repeatedly ignoring my wishes by trying to engage in conversation shows that they are still selfish and only interested in their own wishes.

Yes. I've had lifelong mental health issues caused in part by bullying in school. I still have bad dreams about my school.
I'm 45.

I might 'storm' out if I felt that I was going to become emotional.

A girl I went to primary school with who bullied me has ended up sending her children to the same primary school as mine. I have to admit I still strongly dislike this person and feel uncomfortable in their presence. I'm always civil though.

"abc and xyz.. you know who you are"... but, they very probably don't. And if they do, that's because they do acknowledge and feel bad about how they behaved as children. But that's about them and not you. If they don't... well that's also about them and not about you. The need to process the grief for a childhood you deserved - to just be able to go to school and do what you had to do without feeling terrorised - is very real and very imporant, but "holding a grudge" against small children of the past will stop you working through that. No, you absolutely do not need to acknowledge or be friendly towards the adult they are now, you don't know them, they don't know you, you are no more obliged to them than any other stranger you have a bad feeling about. But equally, those children have long since gone and for as long as you focus on being angry with them and not on healing yourself, then you are being haunted by their ghosts. No one deserves to be bullied. No one asks for it. Unforunately it's incredibly common for school children to suffer this: you really are not alone, many - if not most - people will empathise.

Possibly if bullying was involved. For me personally, not primary school but there are a few people from secondary I’d cross the street to avoid and some even hearing their name gives me chills. I was teased mercilessly.

Yes absolutely. It to this day makes me very wary of forming friendships with girls and being victim of the mob mentality which evolved around their behaviours was awful.
One painfully shy girl in my year had the balls not to join the masses and she suffered for that decision aswell. They were evil backed by their parents jealousy over my family - not rich and the fact that I was on the extreme end of the bell curve for a certain characteristic which I had no control over.
I would not acknowledge them to this day - HW and LB you know who you are. You were evil

Glad it’s not just me 😁

I would probably avoid the bullies who physically assaulted me. Is that bearing a grudge? I wouldn't try to hurt them though.

I was bullied by different people in primary and secondary school. I hold grudges for all but wouldn't feel the need to leave somewhere if i saw them. I would likely ignore them and not make contact of any kind.

I’m curious to know what “storming out” looked like. I imagine some kind of Eastenders-style huffing, perhaps an expletive or shouted insult and a slammed door.
Or was it closer to taking one look, turning around and walking out? That would be a completely reasonable and dignified response to spotting someone unpleasant.

@Hernameisdeborah that's exactly how mine made me feel - although I did get a little bit of satisfaction when I saw on her husband's Facebook (he's now been deleted) that she's turned out to be one of life's losers whereas I've done fairly well despite a lifetime of bullying (and other trauma)

Hmmm, not a grudge as such. There was a girl who made my life hell at primary school. I saw her years later and felt ill at the sight of her, it brought some horrible feelings back.

Also, I developed elective mutism and have had lifelong severe self esteem issues due to another girl who bullied me. It seems weird that a 10-year-old girl’s actions would still affect me 37 years later but I hope I never ever see her again.

To be fair to the OP, there's another thread trending called What is the wankiest thing you’ve seen your ex do? and highly amusing it is to - but one could respond similarly to many of the posts with 'Yes, but what did YOU do to provoke that behaviour?' if you wanted to!

@BeardofHagrid yes if the little shits were bullies, and when you see them agsin, it opens up the trauma. Bullies are horrible people.

I had one birthday party and birthday cake as a child, Christian Smyth blew my candles out, I’ll never forgive him.

Not primary but Y7 so just after. A 'cool rebel girl' joined our school midway through the year and joined our friendship group (girls I'd been friends with since I was about 4 years old). I was definitely the weak and vulnerable one of the group. One Saturday afternoon we were sat somewhere in the town centre and suddenly they all got up and walked off and left me on my own, would never speak to me after that. Turns out she'd sent a rumour round I was a lesbian - probably not an issue now but this was a small town in the 1990s. I literally had to rebuild friends from scratch - given I'm autistic that was even more difficult than for most people.

I will never, ever forgive her for doing that, and I bet she doesn't even remember it happening let alone why. I saw recently her husband writing a gushing birthday post about the kindest, most loving person he knew - YEAH RIGHT

I do wonder what proportion of the posters who are minimising the effects of sustained bullying were bullies themselves. And ate either trying to persuade themselves that they weren’t di awful as all that, or just genuinely can’t see what they did.

Omg you re totally valid if you choose to do this back to her now! Infact please do!

I’m probably older than you, but, no, I don’t remember people I didn’t like, from any school I attended.

As an adult, it’s on to pastures new. 👍

There’s obviously more to it than you realise/ care to remember. Bullying leaves scars on people for a life time!

I can well understand simply not wanting to spend time around an adult if that stirs up painful childhood memories but wanting to inflict some sort of pain (physical or emotional) on that adult for what they did when they were a small child... no.

I wouldn’t choose to be around someone who I didn’t get on with in primary school however I wouldn’t storm out and would probably smile or say hello and then leave as normal when I had finished.
I can hold a grudge to the end of time 😂 those type of grudges are only for people who have made me super annoyed 😂

I do actually still resent the little scrote who sexually harassed me at primary school. He didn't have a difficult background (that I'm aware of), he just enjoyed making girls feel uncomfortable.

Boy at my primary school took the piss out of me because my dad died.. yes really. Then a few years ago someone posted a class photo and he commented on how fat I was after my dad died and I must have been eating my feelings.

I saw on Facebook recently his mum died and I saw he got fat and did a post about how binging isn’t all women and men’s mental health is misunderstood. all I thought was ‘good now you get to feel how I did’ there was a go
fund me and I was tempted to send £1 for ‘all biscuits you’ll need’ instead I shopped him to DVSA for doing fake mots.