Could you still hold a grudge against someone from primary school?

Not for myself but someone was mean to my Sister at primary and, although my Sister has forgotten all about it, I haven’t. She owns a local cafe and I never go in, despite it being in a good location and having a good reputation. If the cafe ever crops up in conversation I always mention the owner was mean to my Sister 🤣

Absolutely. The girl who bullied me in y7 came to work at the same place as me. I was her bosses boss. Still hated her and as it turned out, she was still a bully.

Not from primary school! Thats ridiculous 😆, later years of high school possibly but still children. College is could understand maybe!

Ah okay.. what about relentless physical and verbal bullying? Hair being cut? Whispering behind your back? Getting all the other kids to turn their backs to you? Telling everyone you'd had sex with most of the boys in the class?
Unless you had suffered this then I gently suggest you have no idea why someone would still hold a grudge..

I am of the opinion that the adult twats I know, were teenage twats and kid twats before that. Radical and controversial to some, but a hill I will die on.
Those two are rotten to the core. Stomping on their heads would´ve been a great punishment.

I wouldn’t call it a grudge but there is someone I wouldn’t want to welcome back into my life. I don’t ill wish the bitch her now but I very much value having the freedom to avoid people like her now.

You obviously weren’t on the receiving end of the stick. Yes, if someone was bullied they could hold on to the feeling.

I saw my childhood bully last year. She made my life hell calling me fat and ugly. She is now very very fat and looks rough. I looked her up on Facebook and she’s been married and divorced three times.

I’m not proud of how much I smiled.

Some people are permanently affected by bullying. They deal with it in their own way and that's valid - it's not for you to tell them not to bear a grudge. That's so arrogant and dismissive.

I wasn't bullied but my daughter was and is still affected by it today. She doesn't hold grudges against her bullies but I do. It's much easier to forgive crimes against yourself than it is against those you love.

As I said earlier - it doesn't enter my mind normally. But OP's post asked this question, so I thought about it and answered honestly. Isn't that what MN is about? The people I thought of are simply personae non gratae to me - I don't plot revenge, or seethe, or even think about them in the normal way of things - as I said above. I just don't like them, and that's that.

I do remember a horrible 10 year old boy from my childhood who said some awful, cruel things about my poor mum who had given him a lift to school one day. I will never forgive him - although, until your silly question, I hadn't thought of him. Yes - I bear him a grudge to this day, and I'm proud to do so. It would be disloyal not to.

What sort of 9 year old would you hold a grudge against then?

This and other similar threads make me realise how lucky I am to have got past the bullying I endured at school (I got an apology from one of the bullies too and - unlike others on this thread - I found the apology helped). Id hate to spend my entire life being affected by it.

You must have been awful to her!

I had one message me privately on facebook messenger around Christmas time some years ago. He was apologising for some incident and saying how it had “haunted “ him for years. It was genuinely bizarre as although there were many incidents of bullying towards me by many, including him, I honestly had no recollection of the particular incident he was discussing. He then went on to say he wasn’t really into Facebook and would probably delete his account soon, and generally came across as a depressed and confused loner. I still wish he hadn’t bothered, as I am not there to assuage his guilt, and I simply didn’t want to relive those school days.

My sister was bullied badly at our primary school and we both still talk about it after all these years.
The woman lives locally I believe and if I ever saw her I would really let rip.

Bullying affected my youngest son so badly that he became too anxious to attend school. The bullying extended to cyber bullying and bullying outside home. The children were young (11/12) but it was not managed well by the school, and I was not able to distinguish genuine friendship (one of the boys seemed to be so nice) from quite sophisticated bullying.

If I saw the young men concerned now (they would be mid-twenties), I would wonder what was going on in their lives to make them pick on such a vulnerable peer. I don't think my son carries a 'grudge' against the bullies, but I am sure his ability to trust others has been severely affected. by the experience.

Depends on the 9 year-old!

You cannot tell other people what they feel, or what you think they should feel.

Newsflash: not everyone feels the same about things.

No. What sort of adult holds a grudge against a 9 year old?

”I don’t give any headspace to holding grudges I just enjoy having them”… sure.

Oh yeah. I can hold a grudge

I wouldn't storm out of anywhere or even acknowledge the person but I definitely still dislike the two girls who bullied me at the end of primary school and the girl who bullied me for a bit during high school.

I think the way you've said 'silly girl politics' is most likely massively downplaying it and I can imagine her view of things is vastly different.

No, I can't hold a grudge.
I was bullied in school. I was a red head and was seriously teased.

Not a school friend but if I saw my primary school teacher I'd be liable to do something dreadful

To add to this, I would purely LOVE to withhold something that a bully thinks they need.

Totally agree.

The thing a lot of people seem to misunderstand is that not wishing to have anything to do with my school bullies doesn’t impact my day-to-day life. people are quick to comment about how harmful holding a grudge is and how it just holds you back, but that’s not always the case.

I totally agree, JustAnother!

I think that's one of those mindless mantras (like 'you can't be hurt by people you don't respect' etc etc) which people trot out automatically.

I hold several grudges and quite enjoy them! It's never been detrimental to my life. To me, it's about boundaries (sorry - annoying word) and having standards. If people have seriously mistreated my or mine in the past, they won't get another chance - I don't forget. That doesn't mean I waste any headspace on them - I just file them under 'persona non grata'.

I think holding grudges can be healthy. It's self-protective, it's a sign that you value yourself and won't put up with being treated badly. It doesn't mean you chew the carpet every evening, plotting revenge. I think actually, putting pressure on people who've been hurt to feel they must forgive is damaging.

But then I've always thought forgiveness is vastly overrated!