Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Could you still hold a grudge against someone from primary school?

316 replies

BeardofHagrid · 03/06/2026 10:00

Just silly girls’ politics during primary school, falling out with each other, accusations of best friends being stolen etc, could you still hold a grudge against someone for that now?

The context is that I saw a woman I was at primary school with recently in a shop and she stormed out when she saw me. I hadn’t seen her for 30 years.

OP posts:
Lomonald · 03/06/2026 10:07

I know you were children but saying silly girl politics is dismissing her feelings and expecting her to get over it, in reality those horrible feelings of isolation and upset do come back, I think you have to accept she doesn't like you.

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 03/06/2026 10:07

Ross wouldn't let me play with the stickle bricks in nursery. I still hate him

Brenzaida · 03/06/2026 10:06

I wouldn't recognise anyone I was at primary school with, if I'm honest, but I think in your shoes I'd be asking myself if such a strong reaction after all these years suggests she experienced you as a bully, rather than as a fellow-participant in 'silly girls' politics'?

PeonyPants · 03/06/2026 10:06

No, not against someone specifically. Even the absolute bully of my primary school class seems to have turned out alright, but I wouldn't really know. I have no desire to have anything to do with her, and I wouldn't encourage chat in that situation, but I wouldn't revert back to school days drama and flouncing either. If spoken to "oh hi, nice to see you but I've got to run" etc. Then move in with my adult day.

However, it is worth remembering that rightly or wrongly people can associate others with a whole time period, and it brings back how they felt at the time. Even if it's not reasonable now, it was real then and could be quite upsetting. If it's a long time ago and into childhood then it's more complex.

I'd let this one go op, don't give it another thought.

Ponoka7 · 03/06/2026 10:06

Bullies always minimise what they have done, so while I haven't experienced anything so bad, through primary school, it's valid that some people do.

Isittimeformynapyet · 03/06/2026 10:05

If there's someone on here whose childhood initials were RD and went to a little junior school in a shitty commuter town in Hampshire I'M REALLY SORRY 😔 🙏🏻

Forgottheforgetmenots · 03/06/2026 10:05

There are some people from primary school that were genuinely nasty and if I see them I presume they still would be, but I wouldn't be doing any storming. I'd just avoid interacting with them.

At the same time a girl I believed I was friends with throughout primary told my DH on a night out that I once told her she couldn't play with me in the playground. I was incredibly shy at school and did not say boo to a goose so found that pretty bizarre.

AmIReallyTheGrownup · 03/06/2026 10:05

I still hold a grudge for the girl who told me age 6 that red hair was ugly and that I’d be prettier if I had blonde hair like her.

CelticSilver · 03/06/2026 10:05

Primary school, no. Secondary school, definitely. What did you do to her?

Lomonald · 03/06/2026 10:04

It is deep rooted I think, i am 55 and I see the "girl" who made my life hell in primary/ first couple years of high school, and every time I see her my stomach lurches! She sometimes says hello im polite but I hate her !

RaraRachael · 03/06/2026 10:03

I'm in my 60s and hold a grudge forever.

ThisMustBeMyDream · 03/06/2026 10:03

Oh yes. Definitely. Some things are unforgivable to me.

JustAnUdea · 03/06/2026 10:03

I would walk out of somewhere where mny bullies are.

Ive heard on the grapevine rhey want to apologise. I dont want to give them that power. It wont change anything for me, just them.

foreversunshine · 03/06/2026 10:02

The big question is....what did you do to her to get such a strong reaction 30 years later? 😅

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 03/06/2026 10:01

Yes, definitely. And I am a fully signed up state pensioner.

There are two people from senior school I have live beef with too.

foreversunshine · 03/06/2026 10:01

I could still dislike someone 30 years later, certainly. Storming out the room at the sight of them is a different level of immaturity though...

Swipe left for the next trending thread