Could you still hold a grudge against someone from primary school?

Surely the bullied don't feel the same as the bullies with the passing of time. What is 'silly business' to some is scarring to others

I’ve forgiven the children who bullied me in primary school. They were just children. I still hate the teachers who treated me horribly and ruined my confidence. They were grown adults who should have known better. I would avoid talking to them if I saw them now. Either that or give them a piece of my mind.

Yup. Probably wouldn't storm out though. Very few who were unpleasant at primary/secondary became lovely adults. School is a very consuming part of children's lives and hurt from bullying runs deep and impacts people forever. Bullying quite literally changes your brain chemistry and self esteem. No matter how much the culprit (and others) minimise it.

It's nothing to do with luck. It's to do with not forming my identity as an adult around things that children did or said.

You were both 6! Ya know, that age when bedwetting is still common, night terrors, separation anxiety from parents.

We all had shit things said and done to us at school by other children because that's part of childhood.

Because children don't have the knowledge, experience or education to always act appropriately and not be assholes sometimes.

What growing up means is you're an asshole sometimes and sometimes other children are assholes to you. And you realise with maturity, knowledge and experience what is acceptable and what isn't.

We don’t let DC smoke, drink, have sex, get married and so on because they're not mature enough to make those decisions.

Holding a grudge against a 6 year old for 40 years or blaming them for how you feel about yourself as an adult or even as an adolescent is ridiculous.

If a 6 year old upset you now would you think well, they're 6? And let it go? Hopefully so. Then the same applies to when you were both six.

If you'd not be able to let it go now if a 6 year old upset you as a 46 year old adult then you need to have a word with yourself.

The class bully from the 70s is still at it from what I hear. The methodology has changed but she’s still a controlling bully. She can stay away from me.

I personally wouldn’t. I’m a very different person to when I was I primary school so I’m sure they are too. At mother and toddlers (I was the toddler for the record 🤣) I whacked someone round the head with a fisher price record player, my mum was mortified and hauled me home! Consequence worked as I’ve never hit anyone again!

Wouldn’t recognise her if I saw her in the street, but a girl pushed a friend of a climbing frame in infant school. I hold a grudge against her name ever since. Shame really, it’s actually quite a nice name but if I ever write a book, I’d use this name as the baddie in the story.

Absolutely. Eileen (real name) stole my Action Girl dolls head! I took great pleasure in snubbing her 20 years after.

Well I certainly wouldn't want to go near the girl who relentlessly bullied me in the last year of primary school, which was 40 years ago. I have no idea what her problem was, I'm autistic so I don't suppose that helped. Were you a bully OP?

I was bullied mercilessly for years so yes I hold grudges. I suspect you did more than you admit to here.

A grudge is a grudge no matter how trivial. It stays , matures and ferments .

I would look back at that now and wonder what was going on at home - they were having underage sex and were bullying girls at school - and be glad that my own home life was better.

No i grew up obviously this woman hasn't.

ex teacher

even in primary some kids can be deeply deeply unpleasant.

some kids get racist abuse, some disabled kids have people calling them names because of their disabilities etc.

i personally have a couple of strong memories from primary school and if I saw those people again I would absolutely avoid them.

it’s very easy for someone who is fundamentally self confident and ok to say that what happened in primary shouldn’t affect you.

but racist abuse etc etc does happen and it really does affect people.

This is very true!

I've seen some former bullies from school. I do not purposely go out of my way to avoid them anymore. Instead, I give them filthy looks (unintentional or otherwise!), and watch them squirm. Thankfully, I've moved well away from the area, so I don't have to see them very often!

I am not the same person i was then so why would they be?

It depends what you mean by 'holding a grudge'. If you mean not forgetting bad behaviour and judging people because of it, then hell, yes!

If someone had been horrible to me (not just a trivial one-off) or really hurt me at that age I'd remember is and keep my distance. If I ran into them now I'd be polite but no more. I'd certainly not want to be friendly or to nurture a relationship with them.

I do tend to think that our personalities as children are our authentic ones! It doesn't mean we can't change but basically we're our true selves as children, before societal pressures and influences 'civilise' us.

She probably has a very different version of what happened.
There were a couple of bullies in my primary school. I haven't seen them since then so have no way of knowing whether they improved at all in the intervening years so wouldn't be keen to spend time with them.

I’m around the same age and wouldn’t recognise anyone I hadn’t seen since primary school.
I can’t even remember primary school, let alone who said what.

I'd be polite and move away - as I don't care but have no desire to be round such a person.

I've met some in adulthood and been polite and distant - some have been fine others tried to put me down still - though I can now turn that round.

Subsqeuntly realised I grew up in a household which often found fault and to this day doesn't always wish me well - my siblings are very nasty to me. The dyspraxia I as diagonsed with at uni along with that probably explain why I attracted bullies. I don't live in the area I grew up rarely go back and I think spent a large part of adulthood trying to put it all in the past.

Well that sounds more like she was the bully. Are you sure she wasn't embarrassed to see you?

i was fostered for a year in late primary school. The foster mother and her daughter were awful to me. If I saw them today I would cross the street to avoid. My school friends from that time were lovely, fortunately, so school was a haven from ‘home’.

the behaviours towards me were seemingly small and insignificant , but were a big deal to me. I remember how they deliberately made me feel, and is not a case of forgive/ forget. It’s ingrained in me and made me who I am today. i succeeded, and frankly, I Hope that they failed.

Not primary but I do remember nasty things that were said or done during secondary school and 16 years later still wouldn’t be interested in saying hello if I saw them out and about or accepting their friends request sort of thing.

It doesn't matter who you are as an adult really, her experience of you OR maybe the group at primary affected her, she didn't want to be in your company, why does it matter to you?

No 😂 but I have a friend from secondary school. She and I were like back and forth between us the whole time on who was ranked top of the year, who was head girl, etc. She was perfectly fine, no beef, no falling out, just it was a competitive private school and I ultimately did slightly better than her in the end. She is friends with everyone else in our year on social media…except me, I’ve added her a couple times over the years, we have mutual friends, etc. She just deletes me. 😂 I mean, I just thought it would be nice to keep in touch like I do with everyone else from school.

I literally cannot imagine holding onto the resentment that there was that time 25 years ago when I did slightly better than her in school and got into a better uni. Who cares? But it does make me giggle. Every few years, I friend request her just for fun and she deletes it. We’ve been playing this game at least 15 years now. 🤣