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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be honest in my reference letter?

248 replies

IamAporcupine · 02/06/2026 18:41

I have been asked to provide a reference letter for an employee who recently left my team. She has already been offered a new job in a completely different field. This is fortunate as her performance in her previous role was very poor; we lost time and money thanks to her lack of skills.

The form has a "would you re-employ this person?" I want to be honest and just say "No". I can explain that I believe this field of work was not for her, and that she will very likely perform well in her new job.

AIBU?

OP posts:
FreeWillFever · 02/06/2026 20:16

estrogone · 02/06/2026 20:13

Eh??? That is the whole point of references.

Novel concept, if you want good references do a good job. Don't expect rewards for shot performance.

Madness !!

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You don’t deserve to be doomed for life due to one job though. Why not give her the chance to be judged on her performance on the new job?

estrogone · 02/06/2026 20:13

FreeWillFever · 02/06/2026 20:06

Imagine being offered a new job and then losing it because the references were poor. How can she move on from that? Don’t be responsible for that

Eh??? That is the whole point of references.

Novel concept, if you want good references do a good job. Don't expect rewards for shot performance.

Madness !!

Patientlywaitingforbye · 02/06/2026 20:12

This reply has been deleted

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LarksAscending · 02/06/2026 20:12

I’d leave it blank. It’s not my responsibility to ruin someone’s employment chances and be somehow accused of libel.

Rachelshair · 02/06/2026 20:10

If you've not taken formal performance management action against her or sacked her, if she was that bad, why not? It's a bit late to complain about her now she's left of her own accord and found another job. Saying you wouldn't re employ her implies she's a thief or a liar, not merely that she wasn't very good.

estrogone · 02/06/2026 20:10

I woild let her know that you will be honest on the reference and check she still wants you to act as referee.

In a very similar situation, I checked with the ex staffer and she came back and outright asked me to lie. I just declined to give a reference.

Ladamesansmerci · 02/06/2026 20:06

Honestly, unless the job was something like nursing/medicine etc where patient care/safety is affected by poor performance, I would let this go.

Don't be spiteful and ruin someone's career. Her new job may be a better fit for her.

I couldn't do this to someone unless they were an unsafe practitioner (I work in healthcare), or if they were a bully in the workplace and had been through disciplinaries etc.

FreeWillFever · 02/06/2026 20:06

Imagine being offered a new job and then losing it because the references were poor. How can she move on from that? Don’t be responsible for that

Error404FucksNotFound · 02/06/2026 20:05

What is your company's policy for information to provide in a reference?

StrictlyCoffee · 02/06/2026 20:04

I wouldn’t fill it in and would provide a factual reference on dates of employment only

She may pursue you if she loses the job due to the reference. You’ve managed to get rid of her, let her get another job and possibly become someone else’s problem.

pouletvous · 02/06/2026 20:03

i don’t see the point in references if they’re not honest but just because she was poor in your role, she may thrive elsewhere

something diplomatic like , she would be better suited to xyz

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 02/06/2026 20:02

I refuse to fill in those forms. If I can't fill them in positively, I just send a short factual reference confirming the job title and dates of employment. Don't get drawn in!

LasersInTheJungle · 02/06/2026 20:01

Imagine someone not being able to get a job and therefore income to live thanks to you. I couldn’t live with myself.

Imagine being another person who went for this same job and didn't get it because OP lied!
If you can't live with saying no to anyone then you shouldn't be involved in hiring, as it nearly always means turning someone down!

ClaredeBear · 02/06/2026 20:01

TY78910 · 02/06/2026 18:55

Just say yes. She’s not your problem anymore. She will have a probation period for them to decide for themselves.

Yes.

StartingToday010626 · 02/06/2026 20:00

EarringsandLipstick · 02/06/2026 19:54

How is it pedantry? OP would not employ the individual again. Of course not - she cost the company time & money.

She’s completely correct to be honest, if that’s her preference.

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Then they should have sacked her.

If they didn’t, they have to provide a good reference.

Thats why companies sometimes offer, leave before you’re pushed. This way they can still provide a good reference.

Mcdhotchoc · 02/06/2026 20:00

Every employer i have worked for the last decade sends a standard response " Joan was employed from x date to y date and resigned. We do not comment on performance of employees, unless termination was a result of gross misconduct."

MsGreying · 02/06/2026 19:59

Fire brigade only confirm dates of employment. Nothing else.

Or so I was told.

godmum56 · 02/06/2026 19:59

AgnesMcDoo · 02/06/2026 18:48

I’d recommend just doing a name rank and serial number type reference.

I confirm this person was employed as X between this start date and this finish date.

It conveys a lot without landing you or your employer in bother.

I'd do this too.

Letsgetreadytorhumble · 02/06/2026 19:55

No response IS a response. Leave it blank.

EarringsandLipstick · 02/06/2026 19:54

BashthatTerriesorange · 02/06/2026 19:52

For goodness sake. The point of this question is not a pedantic ‘would you employ again in the very specific role you had her in’, it’s a general question about the person’s employability.

OP, you seem to think this person was a good employee on the wrong role.

So answer in the spirit of the question and just say yes.

Don’t pedantically say ‘no’ and hide behind ‘ I was just being honest’ nonsense.

It’s beyond awful to ruin this person’s chance of a job on pedantry. It’s a really hard job market at the moment.

How is it pedantry? OP would not employ the individual again. Of course not - she cost the company time & money.

She’s completely correct to be honest, if that’s her preference.

FreeWillFever · 02/06/2026 19:53

Don’t deny her the chance of making a fresh start. Either don’t provide the reference at all or answer YES

StartingToday010626 · 02/06/2026 19:53

Lemonfrost · 02/06/2026 19:31

The question is being asked because the prospective new employer wants a factual answer. It’s not spiteful in the least to respond honestly to this.

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Unless she was sacked, then she was good enough to work for them, so her reference should reflect that.

BashthatTerriesorange · 02/06/2026 19:52

For goodness sake. The point of this question is not a pedantic ‘would you employ again in the very specific role you had her in’, it’s a general question about the person’s employability.

OP, you seem to think this person was a good employee on the wrong role.

So answer in the spirit of the question and just say yes.

Don’t pedantically say ‘no’ and hide behind ‘ I was just being honest’ nonsense.

It’s beyond awful to ruin this person’s chance of a job on pedantry. It’s a really hard job market at the moment.

EarringsandLipstick · 02/06/2026 19:52

0psiedasiy · 02/06/2026 19:41

I don’t know the full details, but the organisation I work for was in some way punished (whether that was sued, employment tribunal etc) for a member of staff providing what in their eyes was a honest review (that was not positive of the persons ability) of someone’s ability to do the job to another employer requesting a reference for the person(who got the bad reference). Therefore all reference request have to go to hr and its dates only.

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That is so vague as to be completely unhelpful.

Tryagain26 · 02/06/2026 19:51

CoverLikelyZebra · 02/06/2026 18:45

Don't write "No" - Write "Yes in a suitable role - the specific role in my team wasn't suitable but many other roles would be"

This is a god response. Also was she polite, hard working , in time etc
If so could you aay that too something like
X was hard working, enthusiastic, and a good team player I would employ her again in a different role because her previous role wasn't suitable for her.

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