I feel proud of not drinking for a night - does that mean I’m an alcoholic

I quite like the Coop Nosecco, a touch sweet but a bit more palatable than some others I’ve tried.

You're right, never found a AF red that really works. When someone cracks that, I’ll be dancing.

Absolutely! Well said.

I know of one functioning alcoholic in a very very high powered job who only drinks in the evening. Doesn’t mean they aren’t completely dependent on alcohol and having major health issues (physical and mental) they won’t acknowledge.

If you met them at their day job you wouldn’t have a clue. Sauve and charming all the way in an expensive suit and watch.

The only thing their spouse has been able to do is persuade them to get a car and driver, rather than drive themselves as they would undoubtedly be over the limit. This was framed as giving them more time to work on their commute. They are so selfish they didn’t think at all about the risk to others by driving themselves next day.

Their spouse wants to leave but is having difficult getting all the financial info due to his increasing paranoia and outbursts.

Lime and soda is nice and dry and sometimes I forget I am drinking that rather than wine. Or a tonic with ice and lemon without the gin. When out take a bottle of fizzy water when visiting friends then have a very watered down white wine sprizer. That way you are still participating without others nagging you to drink as you appear to be (and they are too pissed to notice it's a very weak wine)

You're right, the AF Peroni tastes just like 'normal' lager, Estrella Damm is another.
Freixenet AF Prosecco is lovely too. I've never managed to find an acceptable AF red wine.

This “advice”, along with most of the other opining as to whether OP is “an alcoholic” or not, is not only plain wrong but potentially very damaging.

You're conflating severe physical dependence with alcohol addiction.
Some people become so physically dependent on alcohol that stopping suddenly can be dangerous and they need medical supervision. That's absolutely true. But addiction is not defined by needing a drink the moment you wake up.
In fact, one of the reasons I dislike the term "alcoholic" (and why it’s not the accepted medical terminology either) is that it creates a category of "other people". The alcoholic becomes the person drinking vodka at breakfast, shaking, unable to get through the day without alcohol. Everyone else can then reassure themselves that they don't have a problem because they're "not one of them".

The reality is that alcohol addiction exists on a spectrum. Plenty of people have serious problems with alcohol long before they develop severe physical dependence. Many never reach that stage at all.
But if someone repeatedly drinks more than they intend to, struggles to stop, spends years trying to moderate, or continues despite the harm it's causing, that's a problem whether or not they're drinking at 8am or whether they get the shakes or DTs.

Telling people they aren't addicted unless they need alcohol from the moment they wake up or they can’t go a day without it is not only inaccurate, it's potentially harmful. It encourages people to dismiss genuine alcohol problems until they become far more severe.

Well done you.Xx

Yes wine. It’s the worst, it is so easy to drink a lot of it very quickly.

The thing is, your liver doesn't know the difference. To help you decide if your drinking is affecting your liver I'd go and see your GP as alcohol affects women much more than men. Sadly my friend died of alcohol related liver disease and I saw her drink one beer in the whole 10 years I knew her and never saw what I'd think of as drunk, her addiction was only obvious to most people when it was too late. She was obviously drinking a lot, most likely in the evening. It's great that you're taking action but if your body has been affected and it is a use disorder it takes more than willpower so definitely check in with some expert advice and come up with a plan with all the information

The AF Peroni goes nicely with our Friday pizza night.

Well done OP on recognising an issue and making a start.

Also agree with PP about the wine consumed with food in Italy. Yes in the tourist areas you may be served more because they know what makes you spend more …. But most do drink a lot less than you might think from the perception of “wine with dinner” trope.

I honestly don’t know what the definition of an alcoholic is. We all imagine it’s the people who wake up and start drinking and just do it all day so they’re constantly blind drunk but I think there’s more to it. I wonder if I had developed an alcohol dependence for example. I was using it as a crutch and struggled not to drink the whole bottle of red each time so at my worst I was having 5-6 bottles a week. I gained a bit of weight and got a puffy face. I didn’t have any withdrawal symptoms so to speak, aside from feeling a bit more emotional and anxious for a couple of weeks after. I don’t know if this means I was an alcoholic or not.

I'm in my 60s.
When I first started going to pubs etc, 'a glass of wine' was 125ml of 9% alcohol wine - so, as per the folks above who have lived in France and Italy - that is 6 glasses from a bottle, AND the amount of alcohol was also considerably less per quantity of drink.

I often think none of that is taken into account now when people say "I only have a glass or two each evening."

I do think anyone who chooses to reach for alcohol every night does have a problem. Just because they aren't slurring words or acting aggressively doesn't mean they don't have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

Whether or not the OP, or anyone on this thread is officially 'an alcoholic' isn't really the important point though. the point is she has recognised that she has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, and she is now doing something about it. Which is great. Well done, and I hope you manage tonight, and tomorrow as your first weekend.

I live in the Mediterranean. For many families I know a glass of wine is certainly not cultural. I do drink at family meals - and of parties of about 30 I am probably the only female to drink. It is true that back in the day alcohol was consumed more widely - I recall in the 80s seeing lorry drivers having a glass of red wine with lunch. Not now with police checks.

That said, I do not class your description as being “an alcoholic”. That is a ridiculous statement. I have already contributed to the thread. I hope I am not repeating myself but a couple of glasses every evening can be a slippery slope. It is a slope that I got too far along. You have made a good start in reining in your alcohol consumption because it is not good for you. Keep a couple of alcohol free days, monitor the size of your glass. Glass size has increased so much in recent years. Wine aficionados will say this is to appreciate the wine and they don’t fill it up!

So I agree with you that you are not an alcoholic but you are right to cut down.

Oh yeah, exactly this, I'm always like 'I wonder how they're so svelte (male and female) with all this delicious cheese about?' and then it's all teensy weensy slice of quiche and little portion of salad on tiny plate with tiny wine and BIG water and all 'mais non, mais non' <shocked face at suggestion of seconds> one cannot eat MORE.

But WHO eats all the delicious choc and biscuits and sweets and wine in the supermarkets is what I wonder?

Oh gosh just say you've a bet on with colleagues or family or something that you can't do june without booze. the point is you have to pretend to be missing it and then your friends will leave you alone. TBH I would say parents of a baby less than a year old should prob be keeping a reasonable check on their drinking (at least one of them) since as you say, what happens if you have to take them to a&e in the night?

We have normalised 'mega boozing = fun' so much in these isles in the last fifty years, especially for women, but it is changing and I don't think it's a bad thing. If we can just move towards a society where it's fine to have a glass or two or none depending on preference then we'll all be better off. I can see it def happening in my 40 something friends, one set have calmed down significantly and that is the set I'm involving myself more with.

You said half a bottle every night and more at weekends.

You are doing so well OP 👏You can do this!
Replying to a PP up thread.
My husband has a glass of wine every evening with his meal and he definitely doesn't have a drink problem.

I'm AF for health reasons and can't drink AF wine or cider because they are too acidic but I'm a fan of AF beer. Excellent with a takeaway or a tray of nibbles.

I actually studied this at university and believe me, the glass of wine the French have with dinner is absolutely tiny in comparison to what we would drink in the UK.

Like @Newforspring says, a bottle would be split between 6-8 people having a tiny glass each that’s sipped alongside their food - the main drink consumed would be water.

OP you would be very surprised about the Mediterranean habits, I have Italian / Spanish extended family and lived in France, it’s singular teeny weeny glasses of wine, one bottle shared between 6 or 7 people, and a lot of women barely drink. Italy has very low alcohol consumption per capita.

I actually popped in to the thread just to alert you to the fact that if you’ve had longstanding close friendships that centre around quite a lot of ‘fun’ alcohol drinking, be aware that sometimes, some friends find it REALLY hard when you try and change that dynamic. Basically it’s a change they didn’t choose and don’t want and might force them to think about their own drinking. So just be prepared to say at your friends house, ‘oh I just have to drive today as have stuff to pick up on the way home, what a bore, oh well!’

You would be shocked how subconsciously invested some of your dearest loved ones can be in keeping everyone drinking.

Well done OP. Agree with others, labelling not necessarily helpful. What is helpful is making the changes you have and sustaining them. The next bit to consider will be whether this is something to sustain indefinitely ie you are teetotal, or do you consider when you may/may not have alcohol. Have you tried Trip drinks? I find them very enjoyable and a nice alternative to alcohol. Well done! Keep it up!

A glass of wine or more every single night is alcoholism. yes.