I feel proud of not drinking for a night - does that mean I’m an alcoholic

Just commenting to say I think that you’re doing the right thing, and that your children will likely notice it positively and be happier. Too many mums I know have a couple of drinks and don’t think it changes their behaviour with the kids, but they do pick up on the difference. It’s also so much better for your health and mental health. Well done!! BTW I’m not against drinking at all, but it think should be something done on holidays or occasions rather than a regular thing, when you have young children at least. When I’m 75 I’m going to start drinking every day at 5pm 😂

I was drinking over a bottle of wine a night, yet if you read some of the comments on this thread I wasn't an alcoholic as I didn't drink in the morning, and I wasn't physically addicted. One of the worst things people who have a problematic relationship with alcohol can do is ask how much other people are drinking, as it then justifies their own habit. ‘Oh it's fine, I'm only drinking half a bottle of wine, not a full bottle. I'm doing much better than them’.

My problematic drinking crept up on me, and I stopped 18 months ago and created new evening habits. I found soda water and lime pretty good as a substitute at first for having a drink in my hands, but that soon passed as well.

Keep going OP, you are doing great.

I am glad this is helping you and long may it continue. You are doing well and you really should be proud of yourself.💜

You're doing well. You HAD a habit, that's all, not an addiction to alcohol. It was a reward/a signal that it was time to relax. People have different habits, some are healthy, some are not. Alcohol is an easy one to fall into because it's 'adult' & socially acceptable.

it's difficult not to miss a habit, it doesn't mean you're addicted to the 'substance/actvity' just that there's a 'gap' in your usual routine.

I don't think you're 'bored' exactly, just there's a gap in your routine & reward system!

I don’t know about alcoholic but if you have cravings I think you’re on a slippery slope and its wise to cut down as you’re doing.

I have been there, my ex husband spent up to 9 months of the year away so i understand about carrying the load but you have to find a better way of self caring.
You have to stop using any excuse to justify a drink. I have been you and you have to face facts, it is time to contact AA, you can do it online,please have a look at their site today. You can do this for you💐

I've just read through your posts OP and a lot of the replies. I'm quite inspired by you! You're doing amazingly. The weight loss and money saving will surely be worth it by the end of the month. I have been losing about a 1lb a week recently and I can't tell you how very very hungry I've been, so at least that's just a little added bonus for you (and I appreciate it's taking a lot of effort but know weight loss wasn't your overall goal). What I've found with cutting back on wine and treats is the less I have them, the less I want them. I honestly never thought I'd say that. Hopefully you'll find the same. Keep posting, even if it's not daily as the month goes on - no one thinks it's self indulgent and I think it's probably keeping you on track. Well done again.

Alcohol dependency. You really need to cut out the drink totally before you really can't. You need to address this feeling of having to treat yourself with a reward for doing your job. You don't "deserve" alcohol just because you parented your children. Women have force fed this crap by women's magazines and Sm that they deserve and are entitled to have whatever "must have" they want. Why do everyday tasks have to result in a reward?
Well done for going without, i know it is not easy but if you want to be here to see your children's children you have to stop now.

I tend to think of alcoholism as a scale. On the left side are teetotallers and on the opposite are bums in shop corners who’d sell their kidney for a sip of liquor.

Most people fall somewhere in between and if you’re drinking regularly then you’re firmly on the alcoholic scale. So many people are in denial about how much and how often they drink.

You're doing a truly excellent thing, OP. Well done.

A friend saw a play about alcohol misuse some years ago, recognised himself in the central character - middle class 'respectable' professional, family man etc - who had gradually become a functioning alcoholic (his words). His drinking was similar to yours. He stopped drinking there and then, and hasn't touched a drop since. He told me it has completely changed his life and that he feels better in every way.

Boo to the friends to say, 'Surely just one?' You are giving yourself and your children a gigantic gift and I find you quite inspiring.

Keep going with the rewards. You deserve them.

Im in recovery 5 years sober. I did not drink every day and could go weeks without drinking but when I did binge I would drink till I blacked out. One sip of alcohol and the cravings are unbearable. So no alcoholics dont all crave alcohol all day everyday. Well done on your cutting down x

Surely if you were an alcoholic you'd be dependent on drinking - you wouldn't be able to function without it?

I'm sorry, but this is very misleading.

The vast majority of real alcoholics passed through a phase of drinking just like the OP. The others' downfall was more rapid.

The ones who "can't function without it" are simply further down the same road.

@cbr333 is definitely doing the right thing (and good on you OP) and might not be a real alcoholic, which would be great, but being able to function is genuinely not a certificate of non-alcoholism.

I was aware of my own problematic drinking in my 20s, kept a record of all my alcohol-free days until my 40s, achieved multiple periods of sustained non drinking (tops 18 months) but by the time I was 54 had to admit I was a real, bonafide alcoholic and was utterly powerless over alcohol. I still had a job, a car, a relationship, some savings and a roof over my head.

I was totally dependent by then and needed a medical detox so was given the same advice as your friend to not suddenly stop without intervention.

I've been happily sober since 2022.

eta sorry, it wasn't your friend who was told it was dangerous to stop, it was a pp.

No shade whatsoever as we've all got our demons. Its not the fact youre proud, but the fact you have to "try" says yes, there's a big problem.

Good for you though.

You need to sort your life out. Do you want some tough love?

I used to drink like you did. I ended up with breast cancer. I had a double mastectomy and spent two years having surgery and failed reconstruction. Alcohol is linked to so many cancers - liver, bowel, oesophagus, breast. Don't end up like me.

Exercise is a good mood booster but that can be logistically tricky when you've got young kids. What do you fancy doing? You're probably going to be feeling a bit more mental clarity so this is a good time to make use of that. I like doing creative things but again everyone is different.

You have to come up with new ways to get the dopamine hit. It’s normal for humans to seek reward and pleasure hits and you’ve removed your easy source.

For me, I replaced alcohol with little hits of shopping on Vinted, buying really good baking ingredients and making delicious cakes and long, hot baths. But everyone’s different. I haven’t picked up alcohol since September!

That is not true. That is someone who is physically dependent on alcohol due to alcoholism, but many alcoholics are not physically dependent and do one day go cold turkey.

Well done @cbr333

Almost a whole week, and including the weekend, and including a trip to the pub and meeting your friend. But you've stuck to your promise to yourself.